how to overcome disappointment when your plan didn't work out?

[skim milk]

I don't think I've hit this low emotionally in a very long time. I had a very ambitious plan and vision for my future and after it came crashing down, it really affected me this time. I guess this is my real weakness, I can be ambitious but when something doesn't work out as planned, I get very discouraged. Don't get me wrong, I've had many many setbacks in my life but this time it's different. Now, I don't even want to answer anyone's phonecall or do anything anymore. I'm about to call my friend who I was supposed to meet up with tomorrow for the superbowl and cancelling plans. I'm angry at myself for screwing up and I'm slowly withdrawing more and more. It has been a while since I've felt indifferent/didn't care about what happens now. I've always been the naturally happy type underneathe it all but now I feel like I'm trying to look and sound happy... you know, pretending. How do I get over this bump? Sorry if this sounds so emo, but I tried to do things and workout at the gym but there's no motivation anymore

 

[invidia]

I try to think of the people who has it worse than me. Like my parents for an example.

 

[Farang]

There are so many different things you can do that all it takes is formulating a new plan. The worst thing you can do is not hang out with your friend and sulk in solitude. Even if you don't want to go, go.

edit: that's what I'd tell myself at least

 

[Cattlegod]

hit the bottle hard for a night.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

I usually hit up some game and try to kill as many enemies as I can.

That helps ALOT for me.

 

[Mo0o]

Care to be more specific? Usually i evaluate how important those plans are to me and whats hte best way around hte current obstacle if i still want to reach that particular goal

 

[zig3695]

if this is over a girl, get the fuck over it. if this is because youre $12k in credit card debt and have no job, then yes, i feel your pain man

 

[JackBurton]

I find if you set your goals low enough, you'll never be disappointed.

 

[Platypus]

what happened?

 

[sniperruff]

give us details and maybe someone can help you out. ATOT is not all about bashing, you know.

 

[Descartes]

I've been there plenty of times, so some practical advice from my standpoint:

1) Embrace it. Realize it's going to happen and you're going to be upset about it. The more comfortable you are with it the better.

2) Try to really understand why the plans didn't work out, and come up with a plan (let's hope that plan works out, eh? ) to correct it. Too often people just run around aimlessly without actually understanding why they did or didn't succeed. Every failure is a learning opportunity.

3) Find something that helps pick you back up. There's nothing wrong with taking a little timeout for a while. My thing is having a nice long dinner with good wine and good company. Everyone has their thing, be it yoga or just listening to music.

Sorry for this cliche, but you just need to give it some time. The next time (and yes it will happen again) won't be so bad, and there will come a time when you're more encouraged by it than anything else.

 

[LordSnailz]

yeah, it's hard to offer any advice without the details ... but I am similar in that I take disappointment and failure pretty hard. What I found best that helps is think of what I've learned and not dwell on what I could've done. Then more importantly is hang out with friends and talk to people about it. I use to think about what I could've done or what small stupid mistakes I made to create that situation but I found that just makes it worse. Know what you did wrong and then move on. Talking to friends and coworkers helped the most for me. Although, most of these 'failures' were school and work related ... did bad in test or screwed up project or presentation, etc.

You should definitely go to the sb party and relax!

 

[sonambulo]

Originally posted by: fritolays
*snip*

Hit up the massage parlor and do some bumps off of the girls' chests. Fuck like crazy all night and leave broke and happy. Sleep it off tomorrow. Drag your ass out of bed and try again monday.

 

[Gunslinger08]

Expectations lead to disappointment.

 

[spidey07]

In all honesty that's just life. Things don't always go as you had planned. If you don't come to this realization of this life is really going to be difficult for you.

Real life is a bitch, and needing to take a phone call outside so you can get the job? You're in for a world of hurt and disappointment. The moment you realize you aren't a special little snowflake is when you start to move to adulthood.

So stop beating yourself up, you're not perfect, you're not special and you're going to continue to make mistakes just like everybody else. That's just life so roll with it.

 

[Injury]

Get up, get over it, and move on.


You can't dwell on what "could have been" because it's not going to get you anything. You might have had goals, but if all you have in life are goals that you can achieve without doing much of anything then they aren't worth having.

You have to understand that dreaming big is fine, but life isn't always going to go your way and it's okay if you fail. You just need to seriously stop and think about what went wrong, how you can revise your plan to work, and baby step it if you have to.

Like other people have asked, it's easier to give advice if we know what you're talking about, but I'm going to venture a guess that this is in regards to that job that you got turned down for as mentioned in another thread.

 

[imported_Imp]

Aim low. If you plan on failing, then you can never be disappointed. It's what I've been doing for years. Use to be a "perfectionist", now I just aim for adequacy. Learned this when I failed really really hard at something.

 

[homercles337]

It gets easier the older you get. Get used to it, life is *full* of disappointment.

 

[alkemyst]

i just read OT and realize it's never 'that' bad.

 

[SketchMaster]

Life's a bitch; and then you die.

Not being a jerk, it's just the truth of it. Really, we only enjoy life when we look at what we have NOW and think how much worse off we could have been, however, goals are a great thing to have since it gives us something to work towards and you shouldn't go beating yourself up whenever you fail to reach that goal.

Do you think the human race would be where it is now if every great person in history gave up when they didn't get what they wanted on the first try? No! They got up, dusted off the sketch book and tried again until they got it right! Figure out where you went wrong, try and find out how it could have been done better and apply that to your strategy. And don't ever tell yourself that it doesn't matter anyway, if ever you think that tell yourself this:

I would rather be forgotten for my success then remembered for my failure.

 

[ultimatebob]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
i just read OT and realize it's never 'that' bad.

I don't know man... reading some of the pathetic posts in the P&N forums and L&R forums usually make ME feel better about myself

 

[Farang]

Originally posted by: SketchMaster

I would rather be forgotten for my success then remembered for my failure.

I don't understand this. So you want to avoid being remembered for failure, which means you should never put yourself out there enough to be remembered and risk failing. But then if you're forgotten you never really did anything and didn't succeed anyhow.

I think that old Teddy Roosevelt quote may say it better:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

 

[onlyCOpunk]

Something recently happened to me that really, really set me back.

I'm trying not to dwell on hindsight as it doesn't lead you anywhere. But you just need to formulate a new plan. If it includes your prior plan with ome tweaking then great. After all I'm a firm believer that if you want something bad enough you can get it (realistically speaking).

But I was doing and feeling the same that you are. Withdrawing and whatnot. It doesn't help as it only makes you feel worse and your family and friends harder to talk to. Just take some time to yourself and think about your next step/action. Even write it down if it helps. Just don't forget that your family and friends will be there to help.

And remember you can't know success without knowing failure. Talk to any "successful" person and they will tell you the same thing. Things usually work out in the end.

 

[JasonCoder]

So advice seems to break down into two camps...

a) get over it by boozing and/or whoring it up

b) life is a series of failures punctuated by crushing disappointments occasionally interspersed with brief highs... get used to it

So I'm going with option a. This thread is fucking depressing. What did I expect tho from the title so my fault. Hope things work out OP.

 

[GundamW]

Alfred: Why do we fall, sir? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up.

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely.


Dude, go to your friends and enjoy the Superbowl. :beer: