How to know whether your kid has an entitlement problem, and what you can do

[JEDI]

http://wtop.com/parenting/2015/08/h...s-an-entitlement-problem-and-what-you-can-do/

Red flags of an entitled child:
•Acting helpless;
•Not taking “no” for an answer;
•Expecting parents to accomplish tasks they are capable of doing;
•Repeatedly expecting to be rescued, i.e. with the delivery of homework, lunchboxes, books or sports gear.

Red flags for parental behavior that perpetuates a needy or entitled child:
•Overpraising children;
•Overindulging children;
•Jumping through hoops trying to make children perfectly happy;
•Repeated rescues for emergencies created by a child’s negligence.

McCready says parents can avoid being too helpful in a counterproductive way by holding children responsible for things such as performing family chores and accomplishing school responsibilities.

McCready advises parents to back off on enabling.
“Putting kids in charge is going to go a long way,” McCready says.

 

[olds]

You should start a blog. And post exclusively there.

 

[kranky]

Sending this anonymously to my wife's friend who is a serious enabler of her college student son. Last August the son called her the day after she just drove him to school for the semester (250 miles round trip) and asked her to bring him his favorite shoes that he forgot to pack. He had other shoes, just not his favorite ones. Talking to my wife on the phone, she mentions going back to the school to deliver the shoes. My wife suggests mailing them priority flat rate which will take 2 days. No, she gets back in the car to deliver them the same day.

Junior doesn't have to have a job in the summer, he works out for football a couple hours a day and apparently that consumes all available energy, and he's too exhausted to work at a job. Junior also loses his wallet about every three months, and calls mom to take care of it - get a replacement drivers license, debit card, etc.

I told my wife my prediction is that when Junior graduates, he won't take any real job unless it's close enough so he can continue to live at home.

 

[MongGrel]

 

[lxskllr]

My daughter doesn't give a shit. She works with what she has, or happily does without. Made (rare)punishment difficult, but I suppose it'll work out over life.

 

[ImpulsE69]

As a childless adult, I take pride in telling other parents how bad they are at parenting. And because they know I was smarter to begin with to not have one of the little godless bastards they take my advice wholeheartedly.

()

 

[MongGrel]

I'm a childless adult myself actually.

Somehow, I think it makes me a bit more objective.

However I have been a mentor in many FIRST programs over the years, and have ran into many Helopats and was always thanked for my work with the kids from the teachers involved.

I know how I was brought up, I was paying for my own clothes at age 14, had to pay for my own car at 16 and have a job if I wanted one with some help on financing it, I still had to pay for it, and the insurance.

We had chores that had to be met, on a daily basis, just at home and rules.

 

[IronWing]

OMG! OMG! OMG! Children are acting like children! This is terrible!

 

[Capt Caveman]

You should start a blog. And post exclusively there.

Yeah, like he'd ever have a kid.

 

[mmntech]

I know a lot of old farts that fit this description as well. :sneaky:

 

[MongGrel]

I know a lot of old farts that fit this description as well. :sneaky:

Same here, actually.

 

[Kaido]

To be honest...that would be amazing

 

[Kaido]

How to know whether your kid has an entitlement problem, and what you can do

I think the lady from Supernanny is the only one who really has it figured out.

 

[mrjminer]

Or the easy way. Tell them to do the dishes. If they say no, spank them until they do them. You'll see results immediately, guaranteed.

 

[CountZero]

Or the easy way. Tell them to do the dishes. If they say no, spank them until they do them. You'll see results immediately, guaranteed.

The most important part of this is "Tell them..." not "Ask them..."

 

[clamum]

Sending this anonymously to my wife's friend who is a serious enabler of her college student son. Last August the son called her the day after she just drove him to school for the semester (250 miles round trip) and asked her to bring him his favorite shoes that he forgot to pack. He had other shoes, just not his favorite ones. Talking to my wife on the phone, she mentions going back to the school to deliver the shoes. My wife suggests mailing them priority flat rate which will take 2 days. No, she gets back in the car to deliver them the same day.

Junior doesn't have to have a job in the summer, he works out for football a couple hours a day and apparently that consumes all available energy, and he's too exhausted to work at a job. Junior also loses his wallet about every three months, and calls mom to take care of it - get a replacement drivers license, debit card, etc.

I told my wife my prediction is that when Junior graduates, he won't take any real job unless it's close enough so he can continue to live at home.

Yikes.

I'd say my parents were over-protective, or "helicopter," (especially my mom) but I hardly have an entitlement problem, or ever had one when I was younger. The difference is my parents didn't pander to my every wish. Sure, I had everything I needed (and most of what I wanted), but my parents instilled a strong work ethic in me and disciplined me (not whipped, but I had chores to do and had to pick up after myself from the time I was small).

That seems like the biggest problem... parents are too scared to just fucking say "NO."

 

[kranky]

Sending this anonymously to my wife's friend who is a serious enabler of her college student son. Last August the son called her the day after she just drove him to school for the semester (250 miles round trip) and asked her to bring him his favorite shoes that he forgot to pack. He had other shoes, just not his favorite ones. Talking to my wife on the phone, she mentions going back to the school to deliver the shoes. My wife suggests mailing them priority flat rate which will take 2 days. No, she gets back in the car to deliver them the same day.

Junior doesn't have to have a job in the summer, he works out for football a couple hours a day and apparently that consumes all available energy, and he's too exhausted to work at a job. Junior also loses his wallet about every three months, and calls mom to take care of it - get a replacement drivers license, debit card, etc.

I told my wife my prediction is that when Junior graduates, he won't take any real job unless it's close enough so he can continue to live at home.

HA! Just found out yesterday that Junior, who graduated in May and got a marketing job with a mid-sized company, actually did NOT graduate. He was short two classes. He lied to the company about getting his degree and will take the remaining two classes online to finish his degree before anyone finds out.

Why am I posting this in this thread? Because his mother is the only person who knows. Junior finally had to admit it to his mother when she kept nagging about seeing his diploma. She's keeping it from Junior's father because the father will kick Junior's butt. And Junior is indeed living at home. More enabling, no accountability for Junior.

But it almost pales in comparison to Junior's aunt. The aunt's daughter is starting college next May and the aunt is making noises about moving to the town where the kid will be attending school, a few hundred miles away. And the dad can either go with, or stay behind alone. The aunt is framing it as an "investment" - buy a house in the college town, let the aunt and the kid live there while the kid's in school (why the kid would go along with this is a mystery to me), then rent it to other students after the kid graduates.

But it's just a way for the aunt to continue to helicopter parent the kid.

 

[angminas]

This is what comes of putting the kids first. Until they're taught better, kids are selfish, short-sighted monsters. Parents who worship them as gods are just setting them up for failure in a world which will not do so.

I train, lead, and work with a lot of high school and college age people. Many of them are spoiled and hovered over. Apathy, indolence, and self-centeredness are the rule. I feel sorry for them, because they're so disconnected from reality that they don't see where their soft life is really leading them.

Relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsGkk1GGw3w

 

[KeithP]

How to know whether your kid has an entitlement problem

Biggest red flag…Were they raised by parent(s) currently under 40? Then they have an entitlement problem.

-KeithP

 

[CoPhotoGuy]

Biggest red flag…Were they raised by parent(s) currently under 40? Then they have an entitlement problem.

-KeithP

No...that's ridiculous. I'm under 40 and will certainly not raise my kid in a way that will give him an entitlement problem.

In some ways your kid should come first, in many others, they should not.

 

[Lonyo]

HA! Just found out yesterday that Junior, who graduated in May and got a marketing job with a mid-sized company, actually did NOT graduate. He was short two classes. He lied to the company about getting his degree and will take the remaining two classes online to finish his degree before anyone finds out.

Why am I posting this in this thread? Because his mother is the only person who knows. Junior finally had to admit it to his mother when she kept nagging about seeing his diploma. She's keeping it from Junior's father because the father will kick Junior's butt. And Junior is indeed living at home. More enabling, no accountability for Junior.

But it almost pales in comparison to Junior's aunt. The aunt's daughter is starting college next May and the aunt is making noises about moving to the town where the kid will be attending school, a few hundred miles away. And the dad can either go with, or stay behind alone. The aunt is framing it as an "investment" - buy a house in the college town, let the aunt and the kid live there while the kid's in school (why the kid would go along with this is a mystery to me), then rent it to other students after the kid graduates.

But it's just a way for the aunt to continue to helicopter parent the kid.

Do they not ask for evidence of his degree? Or is he going to delay until he gets it?

 

[CoPhotoGuy]

Do they not ask for evidence of his degree? Or is he going to delay until he gets it?

I've never had a job ask for evidence of my degree. Don't know if they run some sort of check or not.

 

[kranky]

Do they not ask for evidence of his degree? Or is he going to delay until he gets it?

My understanding is that he got the offer contingent on his graduation (but the offer was made in the middle of his last semester) and so far they have not asked for proof and of course he hasn't told them he didn't graduate.

 

[Murloc]

But it almost pales in comparison to Junior's aunt. The aunt's daughter is starting college next May and the aunt is making noises about moving to the town where the kid will be attending school, a few hundred miles away. And the dad can either go with, or stay behind alone. The aunt is framing it as an "investment" - buy a house in the college town, let the aunt and the kid live there while the kid's in school (why the kid would go along with this is a mystery to me), then rent it to other students after the kid graduates.

But it's just a way for the aunt to continue to helicopter parent the kid.

I cannot believe this. Does the aunt have any friends or relatives who ever went to college?

 

[MongGrel]

I cannot believe this. Does the aunt have any friends or relatives who ever went to college?

I believe it.