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How to give a bath to a very large canine

U

Ulfwald

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Who Has a Very Bad Attitude

Equipment needed:



1 Very Large Canine
1 Bottle of flea killing shampoo
1 Water hose with water source
1 fence
1 radio
1 bottle of doggie downers







Instructions:



1. Be very very sure you REALLY want to do this. If you do then:

2. Catch doggie.

3. Take a rest and then try again.

4. As you lie on the ground exhausted, reach up and grab the bastards tail as he runs by you.

5. Place collar around doggie's neck.

6. Attach leash to collar.

7. Reach out and grab fence as doggie drags you past it.

8. Attach loop end of leash to fence.

9. Give doggie a doggie downer.

10. Turn on radio and relax until doggie begins to smile.

11. Give yourself a doggie downer and wait until you begin to smile.

12. Attach hose to water source and thoroughly wet doggie's coat.

13. Turn up radio so neighbors don't hear curse words as dear doggie shakes off water.

14. Give yourself and doggie another doggie downer for the fun has just began.

15. Begin at head and work down, covering body with soap.

16. Now do the same to doggie, work in well.

17. Allow soap to stay on for at least five minutes before rinsing.

18. Bend over and pick up hose.Try again, It's amazing how elusive a hose can be after a couple doggie downers.

19. Rinse doggie, again starting at head and working back towards tail.

20. The hell with drying him.

21. Release doggie.

22. Turn radio up louder so that the little kids next door don't hear a grown person cry when doggie rolls in the mud.

23. Lay in the mud next to doggie, Share rest of doggie downers. Nice Doggie.............
 
Actually, my 2 dogs are not that hard to bathe. Chance, the black lab, just hops into the tub (reluctantly) when I tell him too. Now Missy the little turbo puppy is a differant story. Just imagine a little dog about 30 lbs, speedy and quick, running all over the house with a coat full of shampoo. One big sloppy wet mess. And the thing is, it is a game to her.
 
I had a 120 pound German Shepard that recently died. He was a really cool dog. Anyway, he wasn't hard to wash because there was a place in town called &quot;Sud's em Yourself&quot;. It was a place where you take your cats and dogs to get a bath. They have special baths where you lead your dog into it by way of steps, and there is a place to hook their coller up to inside. Made it really easy. You did it all yourself (cost some money, of cource. But they provided flea dip and shampoo as well).

Do you guys have anything like it near you?

I live in Eugene, OR
 
Our 140+lbs great dane isn't much of a problem once you can get him in the tub. My 75lbs shepard isn't real bad either but she howls and wines like I am trying to kill her the whole time 🙂.
 
step 1. shoot the dog
step 2. get a new one

// not that i am promoting the killing of dogs you sick, sick people
 
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