How to get your wife to lighten up....

[purbeast0]

Does she work too?

Is she indecisive about everything else (someone asked this too), or is it just when it has to do with spending?

Your TLDR states that she's just trying to make everything harder so you don't have to go, so a lot of the trip details and fixes are irrelevant. It appears to be a money issue for her. And so the most aggravating part as you alluded to is her suggestion to do a trip in the first place. Do you take an annual vacation with the kids when they're out of school? Details there would tell us more about her mentality.

We're going to DC during Feb break and parking is $45/day on top of the hotel. The alternative is to airbnb a house in the burbs and just metro into downtown - we did this last time and the cost of the metro for 5 people was about the same as parking (allowed in and out) anyway.

DC Metro is a pile of shit that is completely overpriced. It does get the job done though.

The problem if you bring a car though to explore, is that you are then going to have to pay for parking anywhere you drive to in DC. Even if you drive and park at the hotel, the best way to get around is on the Metro still, so you will still end up paying the ridiculous Metro fees. And the fees for going 10 stops away vs. 2 stops away aren't really that much. (at least they weren't last I checked).

 

[rh71]

^ as tourists visiting the sights west to east, we really didn't have to take the metro that often once downtown.

The bit about parking garage in and out is we could go anywhere outside downtown (like Kettler - we're going for the Caps) with a car too.

 

[olds]

Next time she's in the bathroom run over to her purse and get your balls back. Don't ask her permission, just do it.

 

[pete6032]

Let me know if you need help finding things to do on a budget or have questions about parking. I live in CHI.

 

[dullard]

The reward of a Chicago trip isn't worth the cost (financially and stress wise) to her. Try changing the equation.

I just checked, a long weekend flight in February from the midwest to Mexico City is $249 and $279 to Merida (near Cancun but you get to see Chichen Itza on your way. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chichen_Itza ) The peso is so cheap, that decent hotels run $30ish and the food is almost free. Put the dog in the kennel. Those areas of Mexico are NOT dangerous according to the State Department and my experiences. With one layover (depending on your starting location), it'll be faster flying to Mexico than taking the train to Chicago. Plus, I've been on that train to Chicago, it is more often than not 8 to 12 hours late.

Now the reward of the trip may outweigh the costs to her. Think 70°F to 80°F days in February, strolling in a somewhat exotic area, seeing fantastic sites.

 

[nakedfrog]

Remind her that Chicago is literally the bigliest murder capital in the history of ever and you'll never make it out alive.

 

[BudAshes]

Orgasms. And maybe some weed.

 

[[DHT]Osiris]

All of the above.

Or just tell her you'd like to cover the cost of parking as a gift, so you two and the kids would have more time to spend in Chicago instead of on a train. It really doesn't matter since it's a pot of money, but she'll appreciate the gesture.

 

[darkswordsman17]

Naw, I drive everywhere. And for those of you trying to give me marriage advice, I'd wager I've been married far longer than you. Long enough to know that you ignore small stuff like this (although it always drives you nuts for a day or two) when there are so many, many positives.

This is not "small stuff" especially since you've been letting it add up more and more over time to the point that now she can't see the forest for the wood chippings. If the cost of parking is enough to completely dismantle your entire trip and force you to have to do all of that, then there's a whole host of things that led to that. Its not actually about the cost of parking but rather something more. Frankly it sounds like she has serious anxiety and is letting minor crap screw up her thinking as a means of justifying avoiding dealing with something bigger. And instead of addressing it, you've been letting it fester and then it will likely come out in a major way as a full blown mental breakdown when it basically becomes an unavoidable issue. And so things that shouldn't be stressful become stressful, and things that would be stressful normally will become worse.

Does she have some phobia about riding in cars (after all she's trying to avoid the car ride there and also using car sharing/taxi while there)? Maybe even just being a passenger vs driving herself?

 

[Carson Dyle]

Clearly, there are some simmering issues here. This is more than just venting. There needs to be some balance in the decision making, and I see none.

 

[NesuD]

Jesus. I'm beyond frustrated right now. So my wife decided 2 weeks ago to tell me that my kids had a couple days off in February and that I should take time off work. So I did. Then the other night she asks me if I want go somewhere in the 5 days we have.

This has happened in the past. Repeatedly. So I'm already harboring some ill-feeling about it. So what usually happens is I say yes, try to start making arragements, and excuses start. XYZ has a test. SSS is too expensive. What do we do with the dog. etc. Inevitably there are enough 'reasons' that we don't go anywhere. So I ask her point blank whether we are actually going this time and whether I should put the time in looking for hotels, local attractions, and things to do. So she gets mad, and tells me that I'm accusing her of it being her fault we don't go (it is, but she always blames it on all the miscellaneous crap that we just 'can't' miss). Later, she makes it clear we are going. Ok. Fine.

So now the really frustrating BS starts. We are 4 hours from Chicago. But all of a sudden, it's too expensive to go to a hotel and keep our car there, because there are 'no hotels with free parking'. So we're taking the train. The freaking train. Which means wasting an ENTIRE day getting there and back. WTF? How does she even come up with this?

So I tell her about the train taking too long. And she says we can just leave earlier. I work till 4 AM. Meaning.... I go straight from work, drive over an hour to a train station, to wait an hour, then take an 8 hour ride to Chicago.... holy shit.

So I email her several hotels with 3 miles of central Chicago that have free parking. I tell her we can Uber of Lyft to get where we need to go. Nope she says. That's just not safe. She doesn't trust Uber and Lyft. So she wants to be near the subway now.

Holy fuck. I can't think of something I want to do LESS than take this trip now. We're going to be tied into riding the Subway everywhere, pay an exorbitant hotel fee to be in the 'middle' of the city... it's just fucking insane.

TLDR:
My wife doesn't really want to go on a trip with the kids and is finding the most insane ways of making things difficult.

I got mine to lighten up by divorcing her. Problem solved. Maybe not a good solution for everyone but worked for me.

 

[Pulsar]

Next time she's in the bathroom run over to her purse and get your balls back. Don't ask her permission, just do it.

LOL! She threw them away a long time ago when she decided I didn't need em. For all I know she gave 'em to the vet when she had our dog fixed to kill two birds with one stone.

 

[Pulsar]

This is not "small stuff" especially since you've been letting it add up more and more over time to the point that now she can't see the forest for the wood chippings. If the cost of parking is enough to completely dismantle your entire trip and force you to have to do all of that, then there's a whole host of things that led to that. Its not actually about the cost of parking but rather something more. Frankly it sounds like she has serious anxiety and is letting minor crap screw up her thinking as a means of justifying avoiding dealing with something bigger. And instead of addressing it, you've been letting it fester and then it will likely come out in a major way as a full blown mental breakdown when it basically becomes an unavoidable issue. And so things that shouldn't be stressful become stressful, and things that would be stressful normally will become worse.

Does she have some phobia about riding in cars (after all she's trying to avoid the car ride there and also using car sharing/taxi while there)? Maybe even just being a passenger vs driving herself?

Nope, she doesn't have any phobias. Her point of view comes from growing up in a family where they didn't have any food to put on the table on a fairly regular basis. So she (understandably) has real trouble adjusting to the idea of being able to blow $1500 on a 4 day weekend. She probably always will too, and I knew that waaaaay back when I married her. As we get closer to leaving, she's starting to change some of her decisions. Still refuses uber, but she agrees driving and parking is the smarter move. Especially since you never know when you might decide to go off and do something else, or leave a day early and hit some stuff on your way home.

She'll come around. But venting here and knowing that I'm not the crazy one helps me laugh it off : )

 

[Carson Dyle]

Wait. She suggested going somewhere, didn't she? So, it's not a matter of spending money on a short vacation, seems more of a nickel-and-dime thing. Like: Let's go to Japan for a week, but we'll eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches the whole time.

 

[Xstatic1]

Just let her make all the plans. She can deal with her own internal issues of each decision.

I agree with this. Although, I do think there's some underlying issues about money/finances. {shrug}

I love vacations, and plan 90%-95% of the sightseeing/activities (obviously, I get some input from hubby) so I know how much time/effort goes into figuring out all the details to make it all work smoothly.

OP, you could either have her plan the entire trip/vacation or as others have mentioned, plan one for you + kids, then ask if she wants to come along (where she has minimal input).

 

[Xstatic1]

Nope, she doesn't have any phobias. Her point of view comes from growing up in a family where they didn't have any food to put on the table on a fairly regular basis. So she (understandably) has real trouble adjusting to the idea of being able to blow $1500 on a 4 day weekend. She probably always will too, and I knew that waaaaay back when I married her. As we get closer to leaving, she's starting to change some of her decisions. Still refuses uber, but she agrees driving and parking is the smarter move. Especially since you never know when you might decide to go off and do something else, or leave a day early and hit some stuff on your way home.

She'll come around. But venting here and knowing that I'm not the crazy one helps me laugh it off : )

In light of this, maybe finances need to be discussed *first* before any sort of plans are made on your part. Maybe she needs to be wholly comfortable with the amount of $ being spent before she allows herself to think of the benefits (fun, touring new places, seeing the kids happy, etc).

 

[Murloc]

if it's about the money, set a max budget first so that she can see it won't bankrupt you, and then discuss plans?

Of course you have to be able to come up with a reasonable estimate so that it doesn't come back to bite you in the ass later.

 

[AznAnarchy99]

So I'll just post this here, since this is technically a wife thread, and I'm in a bit of a pickle. Last week, us guys finally decided on a date for our annual drunkfest. It's later this year, usually we do it in Feb., but last weekend of March is the decided date. I tell the wife about it and she says "Ok, I don't think we have anything going on that weekend." Tonight I get around to talking about our trip with my stepson and she asks what date it was. I tell her, and lo and behold, it turns out we're going to freakin Disneyland again, and it's my stepson's gf cheerleading competition at the convention center. She sees my disappointment, and says "Unless you don't want to go." The trap is set...le sigh.............I'll probably be eating my own words.

Man all these posts about Disneyland vacations make me sad. Thank god I'll never have Disneyland vacations with whoever I end up marrying since I live a $5 uber ride from it.

 

[Pulsar]

She knows it won't bankrupt us - she knows our finances every bit as well as I do. But people who lived through hardship see money a lot differently. Speak to folks who lived through the great depression. My grand-parents died and had money hidden all through their house. They didn't trust the banks because of what happened, and died sitting on a huge (8 figures) chunk of money because they were (irrationally?) afraid of something similar happening again.

Anyway - the hammer fell today. She decided we shouldn't go. (Can I call it or what?) So I proposed that we spend the 4 days touring all the local lock-up room scenarios (there are dozens). In the evenings we'll do a couple wine-tasting tours without the rug rats. We can do a ton of them for almost nothing. She jumped right on it and has them scheduled. We'll hit a local waterpark too.

Ah well. Such is life.

 

[dainthomas]

Naw, I drive everywhere. And for those of you trying to give me marriage advice, I'd wager I've been married far longer than you. Long enough to know that you ignore small stuff like this (although it always drives you nuts for a day or two) when there are so many, many positives.

If you lived in Russia you wouldn't be having these problems.

 

[KMFJD]

If she brought up the idea of a trip why not make/let her do all the planning since she vetoes most of your suggestions anyways? Then you get to act like her and say no/change everything?

 

[Humpy]

LOL @ women.

amirite?

 

[Stopsignhank]

My grand-parents died and had money hidden all through their house. They didn't trust the banks because of what happened, and died sitting on a huge (8 figures) chunk of money.

'splain please. Are you saying that your grandparents had $10,000,000 in cash hidden in the house?

 

[Pulsar]

'splain please. Are you saying that your grandparents had $10,000,000 in cash hidden in the house?

No. That was the value of the entirety of their estate. The land itself was a portion of that (they were farmers). But the amount of cash we found in the house - in jars in the basement and in suitcases in the attic - was close to 7 figures. They never bought anything, except farming equipment. If I recall they had close to 8 suitcases full. It was simply mind-boggling. My grandma died at 96 and they still didn't have an indoor toilet. It was a family event to go dig a new outhouse pit once a year.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Have you checked the troubleshooting section of the user's manual? I'm not sure it would cover advanced topics like that though, probably need the engineering manual that only service shops get access to. That's why I rent and not own, if there's a problem they just come and replace with a newer model.