Once we loved ourselves and that love was turned to hate. We forgot. Then we find love and for a moment there is hope it was all a lie, that we are ok. Then that love turns to ashes and we are destroyed all over again. We can neither remember nor forget. To grieve for oneself, do what is totally forbidden, to be selfish and to cry, to be weak, a baby, soft, vulnerable, exposed, cowardly, dispicable, to care for ourselves by feeling our hurt and anguish, to collapse, to surrender, to be defeated, stripped of hope, reduced to naked longing, tears and pain, to do that is to be born again because there is a bottomless pit called pain that when you begin to dive into it turns out not to be bottomless after all. You get over it like Christ did, through crusifixion and resurection.
