How to get out of jury duty

[disappoint]

Get a "God is the Judge, Judges aren't God" bumper sticker. You'll be out the door in no time.

Who the hell is going to look at his stupid little bumper sticker? You have to yell that out in the middle of the courtroom while pulling down your pants after having smeared peanut butter on your genitals beforehand.

You'll get out of Judge Judy Duty in no time. You'll also undergo any one of a number of other fun experiences like being tazed, maced, clubbed with nightsticks, psychiatric evaluation, a court case of your very own, etc. etc...

Be sure and keep posting throughout all this, if they let you.

 

[Ichinisan]

Based on Dari's opinions in the SUV + bikers thread, I wouldn't want him on any jury.

 

[NetWareHead]

Make sure you are biased and choosing a side when called on to speak. Dont be an idiot and say something stupid. Pick a side and give an intelligent non offensive argument and you will be disqualified. This works alot better than some of the idiotic ideas I've heard on how to get disqualified for jury duty, coincidentally some of which will also get you contempt of court.

 

[shortylickens]

If I land on a jury everyone goes free.


PS: Just watched a NOVA show that fingerprints where almost always wrong.

Fingerprints are more than good enough to guide police during an investigation, but they arent good enough for conviction by themselves.

 

[IronWing]

Who the hell is going to look at his stupid little bumper sticker?

Every time I've been summons for jury duty "What bumper stickers do you have on your car?" has been one of the questions asked of the jury pool.

 

[shortylickens]

Every time I've been summons for jury duty "What bumper stickers do you have on your car?" has been one of the questions asked of the jury pool.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Got a "jury questionnaire" in January to fill out so they can see if I can qualify to come in for more questioning should they need me. I have no interest and don't currently have a "jury duty" benefit, meaning it could cost me thousands of dollars (which I put on the questionnaire). They should just pick old people who are retired (Hi Boomer!).

My favorite part was "If you get called in for more questioning, park anywhere you want on the court square. We'll take care of the ticket."

 

[lxskllr]

Got a "jury questionnaire" in January to fill out so they can see if I can qualify to come in for more questioning should they need me. I have no interest and don't currently have a "jury duty" benefit, meaning it could cost me thousands of dollars (which I put on the questionnaire). They should just pick old people who are retired (Hi Boomer!).

My favorite part was "If you get called in for more questioning, park anywhere you want on the court square. We'll take care of the ticket."

I have Nazi party meetings all this month, so January and and most of February would be inconvenient. I'd be more than happy to participate in March though.

 

[marvdmartian]

You could permanently leave the country. Otherwise, man up, and do your civic duty.

 

[Muse]

You can ask for an extension, i.e. send me another letter in 6 months, I'm busy. I did this once.

In my experience they screen potential jurors pretty carefully, the defense and prosecution in turn asking questions, then either can dismiss the juror and you go home, your service done. I've seen jury pools of around 100 reduced to a dozen or so before they found the 13th juror (the alternate if one of the first 12 stops being able to serve).

My sense of it (the juror pool overhears all this stuff) is that people who come off as reluctant are usually dismissed. Before the selection process occurs the juror pool gets a lot of basic information concerning the nature of the case, that's crucial. Some people would have a natural bias or reasons to not want to participate. I have had a few of those experiences and premonitions that the proceedings were going to be chilling or repugnant. I imagine that the cases themselves as presented in court are seldom entertaining!

 

[HOSED]

The old urinary incontinence excuse always works for me.

 

[Muse]

You should go it's fun.

Sure the waiting around to get picked is dull and time consuming, but if you get selected for a good case it's fun.

Bring a good book, I'd also bring music and headphones, and of course this attitude:

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Otherwise, man up, and do your civic duty.

That's fine if your employer pays you while on jury duty. In my case, I'm more or less an independent consultant and would potentially lose thousands of dollars. Sorry, they can find someone else. My first duty is to support myself, not civic duty with me effectively donating thousands of dollars of my own money.

 

[Raduque]

Nueces county really wants me to serve on a jury for some reason. in the past two years, I've gotten 6 notices. I was able to get out of them because the very first time I was called (Notice #1) I "served" on a jury pool that was dismissed after witnessing a Guilty plea from the defendant.

I don't live in that county any more, and I'm not missing 4+ days of work, driving 15 hours and wasting who knows how many hundreds just because some assholes think that I should do some bullshit "civic duty".

 

[DrPizza]

I'm curious as to why your wife felt the compulsion to spend HER OWN TIME filling out a form for YOU to go to jury duty... :hmm:

35 replies in this thread and you guys didn't read the OP and immediately realize it was some sort of parody/troll thread? Hint: OP.

 

[Muse]

35 replies in this thread and you guys didn't read the OP and immediately realize it was some sort of parody/troll thread? Hint: OP.

I read the OP, didn't sound like a prank to me.

 

[waggy]

35 replies in this thread and you guys didn't read the OP and immediately realize it was some sort of parody/troll thread? Hint: OP.

well considering hsi past threads i just assume anything from him is a troll.

otherwise he caused an abortion actually more like he contributed a murder, helped his buddy who commited said murder flee and such.

 

[Dari]

Good points. I wished they'd do this on the weekend when people have time, not on a weekday. How long is the selection process? Can I take my laptop and work while waiting around? Finally, do I have to wait all day at the courthouse? the NY Supreme Court is not too far from where I work (2 subway stops) so I could always come back if something happens.

 

[OutHouse]

Good points. I wished they'd do this on the weekend when people have time, not on a weekday. How long is the selection process? Can I take my laptop and work while waiting around? Finally, do I have to wait all day at the courthouse? the NY Supreme Court is not too far from where I work (2 subway stops) so I could always come back if something happens.

No

 

[It's Not Lupus]

Tell the judge you can tell whether a person is guilty or innocent just by looking at him.

 

[Muse]

Tell the judge you can tell whether a person is guilty or innocent just by looking at him.

LOL. That is funny.

 

[Muse]

Good points. I wished they'd do this on the weekend when people have time, not on a weekday. How long is the selection process? Can I take my laptop and work while waiting around? Finally, do I have to wait all day at the courthouse? the NY Supreme Court is not too far from where I work (2 subway stops) so I could always come back if something happens.

It's got to be a YMMV situation. I've been out of there in 1/2 a day, there have been times when there was a recorded message for me that I didn't have to come it at all, my duty was complete. There have been times when I had to come back the next day. I've so far never actually been chosen to a jury. In fact I can only recall one time when I had to open my mouth other than to say "here."

If you look online you will undoubtedly find a lot of stories by people who felt that their jury duty experiences (actually as jurors) was a very positive experience. So, I'd say you should not dread this.

 

[tommo123]

just say that based on your own morals that you cannot find someone guilty in case of putting an innocent person in jail which you couldn't deal with

 

[Brainonska511]

Posting in a Dari thread.
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Just show them your posting history. No one, neither prosecutors nor the defense, would want you on their jury.
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So, now that I cannot say I never got it

Too bad your wife filled it out. It would have been fun to see the follow-up thread > "Police threw me in jail because of a bench warrant for skipping jury duty." I also bet they hear that excuse all the time.

 

[Artorias]

First off I have no experience or much knowledge regarding this, I got a questionnaire letter once but wasn't called in.

Do you get paid your hourly wage during the duty? If so then I see no issues with going. If not then WTF is the government thinking, people need to pay the bills.