- Dec 30, 2005
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So before I rant, I'd like to say that yes, my parents DO act normal at times. My main issue with my parents is how inconsistent they act. For example, my parents are supportive in many normal ways, like if I was injured they would be there for me (albeit pissed and kicking the entire way). An example of my parents being unsupportive would be me asking for information pertinent to my needs and getting no replies, like Dental or health insurance paperwork, tax papers for FAFSA, and so on. My parents have even "forced" me into a university with the guise of financially supporting my like my other siblings, only for them to say two weeks after signing that "financial aid should cover it all and if it doesn't you should think about a loan". This is right after they brought the university forms to me personally with a pen to make sure visually that I signed them, as they want another child to have a degree (most likely to brag to family members like they did with my sister). I told them I would only attend university if I didn't need to take out loans, and after I signed they just keep parlaying things like how I'm going to afford tuition with golden phrases like "well, tuition isn't due until June so don't worry there's a month to figure this out". They essentially forced me to sign into a university and then reneged on any financial aid support, all whilst having a shit grin on their faces. This is typical and the main reason why my younger brother avoided going to college; he saw how difficult it was getting things done in the house and simply decided that having a paying job was more important than dealing with my parents. He also saw how they gave our sister a full ride in college, a brand new off the dealership car, and a brand new expensive laptop her first year, but couldn't pay for his educational needs because of issues with the IRS.
So my question is, how does one deal with parents whom are supportive in a few ways but incredibly useless and "immature" in other respects? My parents mismanage money badly, procrastinate, and wait until the last minute to supply me with information family members politely request. When I do have to get tough with them after 4-5 days of not getting the information I need, it turns into a massive fight and they make up excuses, such as being busy when you can see them surfing craigslist for 5 hours. They even go as far as to discredit me to other family members when I mention things like their financial situation and such (they lost 100k to the IRS by having a friend do taxes). My parents also don't like me telling family members they can't afford basic food staples because they don't have their lives together at 50+. I compare the situation to having a parent who holds a steady job but has a gambling or drug problem. They are "there" and coherent sometimes, but most of the time they are off in their own dreamland.
My fear is that I'll be moving out soon, and I'm not sure moving out would repair our relationship, let alone make it any healthier. Once I move out there is nothing really tying me to my parents and thus the current plan is to just avoid them entirely if not disown them. Both sides of our family avoid my parents for this reason, as some family members see my parents are irresponsible and mature or "white liars". It's basically a running joke on both sides of the family. I don't want it to be that way, but it's hard to see it working out any other way from my viewpoint. I've almost gotten in fist fights over their inability to give me tax forms for FAFSA; I was two days from the deadline before they begrudgingly gave me the information after I threatened to tell family members what they were doing. In fact, the ONLY thing I have to hold over their heads 90% of the time is telling a family member how scummy they are being. they usually take the hint and become sane individuals at this point.
So, with that said, does anyone have any similar experience or advice? I'm sure a lot of my parents attitude has to do with their financial situation, but I can't handle people purposely putting up roadblocks in front of my goals. I also don't want to start becoming distant from my parents, let alone disowning them. I've already attempted to fix it by using specific wording whenever I need things, such as focusing conversations in an I-tense (saying I'd really appreciate if you could give me that information today, thank you versus "You need to give me that information"). This not only does not work, but they give even less fucks when I word my requests this way. Using that system, I STILL had to demand my dental insurance information from them after 4 days of using I-tense and reminding them every 5-7 hours.
/rant
P.S. Was coughing up blood for 3 days, asked nicely for 2 of those days for the information. I ended up having to sit by one of my parents desk on the third day until she pulled up my medical information, and now finally I have scheduled an appointment tomorrow to get my lungs checked out. Any sane parent would have given their kid the information the first time they mention coughing up blood, but my family reacted like "oh that's nice" when I told them three individual times. This however is just one instance; I still need my tax papers, my dental information/insurance papers, and many more things. Those are really the only things that tie me to my parents. We don't do family dinners, or bonding, or vacations, so there isn't anything else they are involved in my life with. This is why I fear moving out; if they piss me off after I move out, it's simply easier to just disown them and move on with life (especially if they have NO ties to me financially or socially). Once I disown them I'm sure as fuck not going to talk to them again.
So my question is, how does one deal with parents whom are supportive in a few ways but incredibly useless and "immature" in other respects? My parents mismanage money badly, procrastinate, and wait until the last minute to supply me with information family members politely request. When I do have to get tough with them after 4-5 days of not getting the information I need, it turns into a massive fight and they make up excuses, such as being busy when you can see them surfing craigslist for 5 hours. They even go as far as to discredit me to other family members when I mention things like their financial situation and such (they lost 100k to the IRS by having a friend do taxes). My parents also don't like me telling family members they can't afford basic food staples because they don't have their lives together at 50+. I compare the situation to having a parent who holds a steady job but has a gambling or drug problem. They are "there" and coherent sometimes, but most of the time they are off in their own dreamland.
My fear is that I'll be moving out soon, and I'm not sure moving out would repair our relationship, let alone make it any healthier. Once I move out there is nothing really tying me to my parents and thus the current plan is to just avoid them entirely if not disown them. Both sides of our family avoid my parents for this reason, as some family members see my parents are irresponsible and mature or "white liars". It's basically a running joke on both sides of the family. I don't want it to be that way, but it's hard to see it working out any other way from my viewpoint. I've almost gotten in fist fights over their inability to give me tax forms for FAFSA; I was two days from the deadline before they begrudgingly gave me the information after I threatened to tell family members what they were doing. In fact, the ONLY thing I have to hold over their heads 90% of the time is telling a family member how scummy they are being. they usually take the hint and become sane individuals at this point.
So, with that said, does anyone have any similar experience or advice? I'm sure a lot of my parents attitude has to do with their financial situation, but I can't handle people purposely putting up roadblocks in front of my goals. I also don't want to start becoming distant from my parents, let alone disowning them. I've already attempted to fix it by using specific wording whenever I need things, such as focusing conversations in an I-tense (saying I'd really appreciate if you could give me that information today, thank you versus "You need to give me that information"). This not only does not work, but they give even less fucks when I word my requests this way. Using that system, I STILL had to demand my dental insurance information from them after 4 days of using I-tense and reminding them every 5-7 hours.
/rant
P.S. Was coughing up blood for 3 days, asked nicely for 2 of those days for the information. I ended up having to sit by one of my parents desk on the third day until she pulled up my medical information, and now finally I have scheduled an appointment tomorrow to get my lungs checked out. Any sane parent would have given their kid the information the first time they mention coughing up blood, but my family reacted like "oh that's nice" when I told them three individual times. This however is just one instance; I still need my tax papers, my dental information/insurance papers, and many more things. Those are really the only things that tie me to my parents. We don't do family dinners, or bonding, or vacations, so there isn't anything else they are involved in my life with. This is why I fear moving out; if they piss me off after I move out, it's simply easier to just disown them and move on with life (especially if they have NO ties to me financially or socially). Once I disown them I'm sure as fuck not going to talk to them again.
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