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How to deal w/an agressive/passive person?

JEDI

JEDI

Lifer
An agressive/passive person is a person who won't say no to your face, but indirectly does it by inaction.

ie: u have free tickets to a concert that u can easily get to by subway. All but one of your friends you're inviting say yes immediately. that one friend says maybe and he'll get back to you. but you have to call him the day before to find out he's not going.

ie2: you have your parent's beach house for the week. you invite your friends. one of your friends you invite has a car and you would like to use it instead of renting. everyone will split the tolls/gas/driving time. he says maybe to both the vacation and the car and that he'll get back to you. but 2 days b4 the trip, u call him to find out he's not going.

obviously, he didnt want to goto the concert, nor use his car for the trip.

How to deal w/this person w/o losing the friendship? (he's actually a pretty nice guy otherwise.)
 


<< let him go, i hate it when people do that kind sh!t it drives me nuts >>



Why not talk to him about it first? If it persists, then it might be time to say goodbye.
 


<<

<< let him go, i hate it when people do that kind sh!t it drives me nuts >>



Why not talk to him about it first? If it persists, then it might be time to say goodbye. >>




i just assumed hes talked to him about this before he came to the forums with a question like this.
 


<<

<< let him go, i hate it when people do that kind sh!t it drives me nuts >>



Why not talk to him about it first? If it persists, then it might be time to say goodbye. >>



There's no such thing as "talking" things over with a passive/agressive person, particularly if you tend to be on the
calm, meeker side of the fence personality wise,.They can become quite defensive and hostile no matter how you approach and somehow the entire situation gets twisted around till you're seeing things as being your fault somehow and apologising to them.
 


<<

<<

<< let him go, i hate it when people do that kind sh!t it drives me nuts >>



Why not talk to him about it first? If it persists, then it might be time to say goodbye. >>



There's no such thing as "talking" things over with a passive/agressive person, particularly if you tend to be on the
calm, meeker side of the fence personality wise,.They can become quite defensive and hostile no matter how you approach and somehow the entire situation gets twisted around till you're seeing things as being your fault somehow and apologising to them. >>


Maybe so, but at least if you talk to him and he gets defensive he knows why you are going to stop associating with him. Thats better than just breaking off all contact with the poor guy.
 
That's passive aggressive? I didn't think that was passive agressive....
But anyways...

I know people like you describe..and it's hard to deal with it. Just don't depend on them for anything. Invite them to stuff and if they show up they show up, but just expect that they won't and plan accordingly.
 
I'm passive aggressive a lot of times, its mainly b/c I don't like confrontation that much unless I can use it to my advantage, and I'm passive/aggressive b/c someone has pissed me off or annoyed me.

Why am I this way, I dunno, I prob need a shrink to figure that out. Famous passive/aggressive people in history: Nixon, umm others but I can't think of them right now.

 


<< let him go, i hate it when people do that kind sh!t it drives me nuts >>



these types cause me great misery, and if you say anything you look like the bad guy. they often evolve into backstabbing, behind the back talking freaks :|
 


<< How to deal w/an agressive/passive person? >>



I'm sorry, but this thread title is driving me nuts. I'll remember who posted this and extract my revenge at a later date.
 


<< How to deal w/an agressive/passive person? >>



Are you bigger than the other guy? If so, you really dont have a problem...
 
If you invite him for an event such as those you listed, give him a deadline that fits with your schedule. If you want to do XXX on XXX date, and you need to know if he wants to come along, tell him that he has to decide by XXX date. He still may be passive/aggressive about it, but at least you won't be hung out to dry. Just be firm about setting the deadline. When the day rolls around, give him a call and say you have to know then and there. If he asks for more time, tell him that he doesn't have it and if he can't decide, he is being put down for a "no".

This guy is probably worried about letting his friends down or dissappointing them, so he vacilates up to the last minute with the hope that he won't have to do something that he doesn't want to do, and that he won't upset people by saying "no" to begin with. He doesn't like confrontation.

Admittedly, I do the same thing. However, I do it with a really aggressive friend of mine who won't take no for an answer. When he wants to do something, he won't let you tell him no, so instead I tell him maybe, and then find a way out or it (or dissappear) at the last minute. Not the best thing to do, but he isn't an easy person to deal with either.

Good luck with your friend.

Ryan
 
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