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How to communicate with mid-westerners as a blue state Yankee?

You should live-forum-post the entire wedding and reception to ATOT.

On a more serious note though, sounds like you should not drink, or drink in careful moderation. When I get drunk I tend to argue dumb shit that doesn't matter. Suggest it gets avoided.

Really though, be yourself. Spend time with those that you respect, and view this as an opportunity to celebrate the wedding with them. No one wants conflict at a wedding.
 
So you post a whole collection of stereotypes you have about mid westerners and Christians but feel hurt or insulted by the stereotypes they may have regarding you which may be just as substance-less.
 
Why the fvck would you socialize with ppl you dont like? nothing can be worse for a relationship than being forced to do so... I would run like hell
 
Linflas said:
So you post a whole collection of stereotypes you have about mid westerners and Christians but feel hurt or insulted by the stereotypes they may have regarding you which may be just as substance-less.
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The only difference is his are absolutely correct.

Sorry OP, it's going to suck for you. Try to break them down into smaller groups or better yet, one on one when socializing with them. Or just keep the conversations to simple things and try to steer clear of social/political issues. Arguing with conservatives is like arguing with idiots, they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
 
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Linflas said:
So you post a whole collection of stereotypes you have about mid westerners and Christians but feel hurt or insulted by the stereotypes they may have regarding you which may be just as substance-less.
Click to expand...

This.

I went to a wedding near San Francisco with some friends of my fiance. The wedding party was attended by liberals, gays, hipsters and west coast people that I have never associated with in my entire life. Sure their political and life views differed vastly from mine but I found plenty of topics to talk about that did not revolve around religion, politics, evolution etc... If I felt like a topic was venturing into dangerous territory, I excused myself to take a leak, get a drink etc...

Just go there with the intention of having fun. Do more eating & dancing than talking if you think you are going to inflame people's sensibilities. Or just dont go.
 
Just your description of the people and their conversations / opinions is enough to see that OP sounds like a real jerkoff. Your best bet is to just shut up. Pretending or otherwise trying to con your way through isn't going to work. Just shut up.
 
Is this a serious post? You obviously know nothing about mid-westerners. If that's your attitude, just bring your smart phone or tablet and sit and play with that instead of socializing.
 
freedomsbeat212 said:
2. Whenever politics come up things go bad - I'm a liberal, yes, and perhaps get offended myself. But things are said that are so hurtful (I'm brown, indian, but get offended when african americans or gays, etc. are demoralized because.. they're people...) I don't understand how they can come from the mouth of Christians, from implications that if you're black you're milking the system to eric garner deserved to be chocked to death because he sold loose cigarettes. I take their bait, ALL THE TIME. Suggestions on how to derail?
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yes I do have a suggestion. You STFU. You are creating this problem for yourself. Remember that you are a guest and staying in someone else's house, eating and drinking at a party that someone else is paying for. You are the bad guy here taking the bait and causing arguments. In your own house you can argue away but when you are someone's guest it is best to play nice, keep inflammatory opinions to yourself and be civil.

freedomsbeat212 said:
5. I get called out, all the time, for anything darkly humorous or politically different -yet I feel like I'm labeled the hyper liberal hissy fitter everytime I raise a concern. And it's always about silly things that are facts - the last time I got into a big argument it was about evolution of all things! Yes, I was ganged up on and "lost" an argument about evolution
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You get called out alot because they are feeding it all right back to you. You picked a bone with them by take their bait and created an argument. Now anything you say is placed under intense scrutiny and they are going to argue it out with you. Youve done this all to yourself where in the past you just had to shut up. You chose to talk politics, evolution and other sensitive topics with these people. Reap what you sewed.
 
Honestly, I've been all over the US and the world. The truth? Midwesterners are the nicest people I've ever encountered. You're making it way too hard.
 
YAFB212T

troll-troll-troll-your-boat.jpg
 
Ask questions.

It's that simple. Ask questions. If you know nothing about sports then ask them about it. If you don't understand their stance/opinion then ask them to explain. Get them talking about things they enjoy or do. They probably wont even bother to ask what you like or do. If they do happen to ask your opinion about something volatile feel free to state it, but don't do so in a confrontational manner. Just state it an extricate yourself from the conversation.

It doesn't have to be a chore. People love to talk about themselves for the most part. Most of them time even more than they enjoy engaging in a good argument.
 
freedomsbeat212 said:
I have a week to prep!

Some examples of my difficulty:

1. Most conversations seem to be about the weather or sports among my in-law's friends. I can maybe talk about the weather for 5 minutes and don't know a thing about sports as it doesn't interest me.
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People here are much the same. You can take weather conversations surprisingly far if you know a few data points. Before you go, look up the 10 day forecast for the area you're going to. If it shows wind in the future, comment on how windy it's "supposed" to be. If there's a couple of days where there's rain on the horizon, say "looks like there's going to be rain in a few days. Bet the farmers appreciate that". Bonus points for looking up historical data so you can say things like "You don't get much rain around here do you. Last time it was this dry was '95", or whatever is appropriate for the data you see. People will take all these things and run with them so you really don't have to talk constantly.

2. Whenever politics come up things go bad - I'm a liberal, yes, and perhaps get offended myself. But things are said that are so hurtful (I'm brown, indian, but get offended when african americans or gays, etc. are demoralized because.. they're people...) I don't understand how they can come from the mouth of Christians, from implications that if you're black you're milking the system to eric garner deserved to be chocked to death because he sold loose cigarettes. I take their bait, ALL THE TIME. Suggestions on how to derail?
Click to expand...
This is where you're going to have to master your urge to argue your side. That doesn't mean you have to jump in and enthusiastically agree with everything they say, but you don't have to be the champion of every non-white person against your racist in-laws either. The problem is that they're going to be looking for validation from you to a certain extent. They're going to bring up their more nasty viewpoints around you specifically to see if you agree with them or not so they can later tell their friends about the New Yorker that agrees with them. In their minds that will give their notions more credence, not because New Yorker's opinions have more value than anyone else's, but just because they can now say that another person from some far-flung place has separately arrived at the same conclusions. It gives their opinions an air of universality.

The only way to not really get in trouble here is to never give strong opinions. They probably say things like "I bet you have big problems with ni__ers in new york, don't you?" To which you should reply, "No I guess not specifically them" without commenting on the racial slur at all. Don't comment on any of the racial or political slurs they make, in fact. Just pretend they used a polite word for whatever it is, and continue the conversation like nothing happened. To them, it's just the word for whatever race or group they're talking about. You have to learn to treat it like that around them. You can still argue with them about some things, but do it in a kind of questioning tone. Say things like "You really think he should be choked to death for that"? rather than "You're a crazy person" or whatever you would normally be inclined to say.


3. When they talk about art/culture, it's always things like "OMG, [this horrible christian movie] was amazing!" I can't believe how many adults in there 60s went to and talk about kids movies, without kids accompanying them! I tend to like material of a darker nature so have a very difficult time relating. I mean, they loved Beverly Hills Chihuahuas! Similar to TV - I don't have really much to say about "The Voice" or "Dancing with the stars" and they've never seen "True Detective" or the stuff I like
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Here you can feel free to just lie. When you assault someone's tastes, you're actually assaulting them at the same time. Vehemently disagreeing with them will be taken as rudeness. If they start talking about some stupid TV show, you can say something like "No I haven't seen that? What is it"? Make it feel like though you haven't seen it, you are intensely interested in what went on in it. I do that all the time when people start talking about shows like Duck Dynasty or Swamp People around here. Feigning interest is tiring, so you might want to try to redirect the conversation or find an excuse to make a polite exit from the conversation soon.

4. My sense of humor, cynical and dark, does not get even a giggle there - it's mostly just offends them, which is funny because I routinely hear terms I find offensive ("beloved patriot," anti-muslim sentiment's huge)...
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You have to be adaptable. If you can be funny in one way, you can learn to be funny in another as well. the most common kind of joke around here is definitely the racist variety, but I never have to resort to that to get laughs. Very simple hokey jokes play well here. The stuff that you feel like has been repeated so often that no one can possibly find it funny anymore is still funny to these kinds of people. Playful comments on the differences between men and women will work. You have a wife now, say something about how she breaks the bank every time she goes shopping or something. Anything that women do that annoys men, and some things that men do that annoys women can mined endlessly for laughs. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. Don't worry about whether it denigrates women or not either. If everyone involved knows you don't mean it, then it doesn't count as denigrating does it?

5. I get called out, all the time, for anything darkly humorous or politically different -yet I feel like I'm labeled the hyper liberal hissy fitter everytime I raise a concern. And it's always about silly things that are facts - the last time I got into a big argument it was about evolution of all things! Yes, I was ganged up on and "lost" an argument about evolution
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Personally, as soon as I ascertained that everyone was on one side of that argument I would have simply kept silent and listened.

I really don't know how to get to these people. I want to earnestly try, so this isn't a rant just an attempt to get advice - I"m really anxious about the wedding and week of events leading up to it
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The real secret is to lie ultimately. Lie your ass off. When people refer to being polite, what they really mean is to lie about things that could potentially make conversations adversarial. Once again, that doesn't mean you have to agree with someone. If you know they're wrong, be non-committal. If you agree with them, then agree wholeheartedly. Whatever you have to do to not get into a knock-down-drag-out argument with anyone. Everyone will have a pleasant experience, and that's ultimately all that matters.
 
skyking said:
Nod and smile, a lot. Say vague things and agree. Think of a happy place all the while.
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This. When they bring up sports, "oh, I don't really follow that." When they bring up a stupid movie, "haven't seen that one, I'll have to check it out." When they bring up stupid political opinions, "mmm-hmmm." Just go with the flow. You aren't going to change anyone's opinion about anything, so don't waste your time trying.

Alternately, you could wait for someone to say something you disagree with (which apparently won't take long), then tell them just how "fucking stupid" they are (profanity very much required). Go all out. When they talk about college football, tell them you aren't comfortable supporting an institution that pays old white guys millions of dollars to get young black guys to drastically shorten their own lifespan by knocking their heads together for no pay. If they use a slur like beloved patriot, tell them the only reason they aren't a beloved patriot is because they never learned to tie knots in their home country of dumbfuckistan. If they say they don't believe in evolution, tell them it's because their family tree seems immune. Tear into every little stupid thing they say with righteous vitriol. Within 5 minutes, you shouldn't have to worry about anyone engaging you in conversation for the rest of your trip. This isn't a great strategy if you care about long-term relationships with anyone involved, mind you, but it can be very cathartic to scream insults at someone you don't have to worry about impressing (within reason; you don't want to drive them to the point of physical violence, of course).
 
Do not allow your judgement to be clouded by your ideology. Its one thing to share your most divisive and polarizing opinions on a forum, in reality, it takes some tact.

You think there is no common ground, but, there is. Food, Drinks, Music, Movies, Games, etc. Tell some stories. Instead of being filled with hate, treat it like a vacation, and try to enjoy yourself.

Where in the Midwest are you going? While vast swaths of land are firmly "chrisitian right", most of the actual cities are more moderate, or liberal. (Chicago, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Madison, etc)
 
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