How to be a good conversationalist?

[HamburgerBoy]

Honestly, the only way to improve your social skills is to get over yourself.
Most people with social anxiety think that everyone is looking at them and judging them. Most people don't give a crap about you.

That's what I used to think until I realized that a lot of people I had never met knew my name and others spoke of things that implied at least some gossip.

 

[HeXen]

My problem is, sometimes, I don't want to engage in meaningless chit chat. Or someone converses with me and I can't wait until they shut up, usually I will give fake smiles, laughs or say "yeah" in agreement often. Not that I want to be like that, just how I tend to feel sometimes with strangers. I have no trouble starting or even talking just so long as it's very short.

 

[LumbergTech]

1) Ask people about themselves
2) Share things about yourself, but don't overpower the story they are trying to tell by constantly interjecting your own experiences
3) Echo back what people say to you reworded in a way to allow them to elaborate and show that you are paying attention to what they are saying

 

[olds]

That's what I used to think until I realized that a lot of people I had never met knew my name and others spoke of things that implied at least some gossip.

You were probably just sensitive to it because of your social anxiety. Or may have done something embarrassing/awkward because of that anxiety.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

You were probably just sensitive to it because of your social anxiety. Or may have done something embarrassing/awkward because of that anxiety.

One time I was getting ready to turn in a paper at the end of finals week, and ran into two other kids also turning in their own papers for the same class. They were already in the elevator and holding the door open, and I was standing outside of it. We greeted each other, spoke briefly about our papers, and then I said "See ya later" and turned away from the elevator because I really needed to take a leak first. One of them shouted that it was ok if I entered the elevator with them but I said "No no that's fine". Seemed a bit awkward, but I shrugged it off.

No harm done, right? A couple months later, I run into another student from a different class but of the same major at a different elevator. He says "Oh hey man, how are you doing?" and then when the elevator door opens he says "Oh, sorry, you don't take elevators, right?" 😵 I tried to ignore the wording and just said "You're headed to X, right? I am too" and just went with him. However, I have no other explanation for why he would ask me a question like that.

I mean, what the fuck was I supposed to do? Say, "Thank you for holding the elevator open for me, but rest assured that I do not avoid you out of social or elevator phobia, as I merely need to piss"? It was a totally innocuous situation in my eyes but somehow it gets completely misinterpreted and apparently I'm known as a hater of elevators by people I barely remember the names of. If they imagine things like that about me, how far can it go? People are incredibly nosy and gossip-prone and will share their fantasies of me with the world.

 

[kyrax12]

Why? Oh wait, you have no social skills.

I thought it is more of what you say more than what you look like. 0.0

 

[Udgnim]

Think about all of the normal thoughts that go through your head.
It doesn't matter trivial, obvious, useless or routine it is.
Use those as topics for discussion.

I have noticed that the people who love to talk, talk about the most trivial things.
Things that I wouldn't even waste my breathe on, seem to energize talkers.

I have also noticed that people who talk a lot tend to talk mostly about OTHER people.
I don't give a crap about other people and what they are doing...

100% true

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

so fuck trying to be a good conversationalist

just be able to talk about stuff you care about with people that have similar interests

 

[Capt Caveman]

I thought it is more of what you say more than what you look like. 0.0

Then you're screwed in both ways.

 

[sandorski]

Whipping out your penis always starts a conversation. Always.

 

[darkxshade]

interesting, tell me more

 

[Howard]

Whipping out your penis always starts a conversation. Always.

"Did that come out of a can of Vienna sausage?"

 

[WhoBeDaPlaya]

Had a haircut this evening and just talked to the barber about that big girl from Baylor 😛

 

[zCypher]

If you're not sure where to start, just ask about the game last night. Chances are there is some kind of sports game that played, and the guy might be into sports. Those are easy conversation starters. Just beware of mentioning any team names or you'll get caught. For example you would never talk about a Toronto Maple Leafs game if it's the playoffs, because they never make the playoffs. So keep it generic.

You: "How about that game yesterday?"
Random person: "I did not watch it, but I heard Wayne Gretzky scored 4 goals, I taped it, it's going to be amazing to watch!"
(Perfect, the other person has no clue either...)
You: Yeah was epic, it ended up being like 10-5, crazy game!"
Random person: "You bastard! I did not even watch it yet!"
You: "Oh sorry! Hey, we should go out for a beer some time"

i lol'd

just don't worry so much about it. i find the biggest hindrance for me was always over-analyzing and over-thinking stuff. once i let that go, i found myself making conversations and making new friends easily. you don't always have to say the right thing, you don't always have to say anything really profound, you just need to be a good listener and be easy going. People like easy going people.