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How to be a good conversationalist?

Sure,

Talk. Often.

Try to talk anywhere, at any moment ( bank, work, restaurant, etc ).

Ask open ended questions, not yes/no questions.

Just don't pretend to be interested in something if you really aren't, don't fake the conversation.
 
From my experience all of the best conversationalists have been the people who ignore everything the other people are saying in anticipation of them being able to continue with their diatribe. As you can see, I put little importance on how good one can speak and much more on what they say.
 
kyrax12 said:
I need to improve my social skills.

Please give some tips.
Click to expand...

Ask the person you are talking to questions, and be interested in the response. Then ask follow up questions.

Best way to converse is to get the other party to talk about him/herself.
 
Think about all of the normal thoughts that go through your head.
It doesn't matter trivial, obvious, useless or routine it is.
Use those as topics for discussion.

I have noticed that the people who love to talk, talk about the most trivial things.
Things that I wouldn't even waste my breathe on, seem to energize talkers.

I have also noticed that people who talk a lot tend to talk mostly about OTHER people.
I don't give a crap about other people and what they are doing...
 
Pr0d1gy said:
From my experience all of the best conversationalists have been the people who ignore everything the other people are saying in anticipation of them being able to continue with their diatribe. As you can see, I put little importance on how good one can speak and much more on what they say.
Click to expand...
This!
They hear you say something remotely pertaining to them and they think,
"Oh, oh, oh!!! I know something related to that!!! Ooooh, ooooh... I can't wait to tell them!!!"
Meanwhile, they are not even listening to you anymore. You can see it in their face. They get all excited, then they glaze over and stop paying attention to you, waiting to tell you their story.
 
I was really shy up until my early 20's, when I realized most people are in the same boat as me - waiting for someone to talk to them, because they're too shy to talk to anyone. So take opportunities to talk to people who don't normally get much conversation time during the day, like a checkout clerk at the grocery store. If you start up the conversation, then people feel like you are accepting them and are more likely to talk with you. That knowledge takes a lot of the social fear out of talking to people. I pretty much became a social butterfly overnight after I had this epiphany. There are always jerks in the world, but most people are pretty normal and will chat with you. So:

1. Realize that most people are waiting on YOU to talk to them.

2. Start out with short conversations with people you briefly interact with - grocery store clerks, fast food waiters, etc.

3. Listen. Don't interrupt. People like to have their say; the hard part is letting people have their say without jumping in with what you want to say.

4. Don't blabber on incessantly. People get bored and need to be a part of the conversation, rather than just listening to a 1-sided spiel.
 
Woosta said:
Sure,

Talk. Often.

Try to talk anywhere, at any moment ( bank, work, restaurant, etc ).

Ask open ended questions, not yes/no questions.

Just don't pretend to be interested in something if you really aren't, don't fake the conversation.
Click to expand...

The open-ended questions is a big one. People love talking about themselves, even shy people like us nerds - get us talking about computers or Dr. Who or whatever and we'll light right up. So if you're talking to a fellow student in school, ask them how they decided on their major, and the conversation will start flowing in no time.
 
just finished week 11/12 in this Dale Carnegie class my job signed me up for. It's exactly what you might be looking for.

At least check his books out. The class has really helped me a lot as far as social skills, leadership and enhancing relationships.
 
Make eye contact a lot while talking and put your lips together making suggestive kissing faces while listening. Do this for a few minutes, then take your jacket off to reveal your tube top. That gets them every time.
 
highland145 said:
3rd and what sox said.
Click to expand...

Yep. If one wishes to converse one needs to learn how to observe. Obviously that's listening, but also what is meant. Learning to read body language and tonal inflection is crucial.

Go to a park or other place where you can watch two people engaged in a conversation without being obvious then watch and listen.
 
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Woosta said:
Sure,

Talk. Often.

Try to talk anywhere, at any moment ( bank, work, restaurant, etc ).

Ask open ended questions, not yes/no questions.

Just don't pretend to be interested in something if you really aren't, don't fake the conversation.
Click to expand...

I thought it was kind of a taboo to suddenly strike up conversation with random strangers.
 
kyrax12 said:
I thought it was kind of a taboo to suddenly strike up conversation with random strangers.
Click to expand...
It depends on what the situation is and how interesting/non-threatening you are.

One of the things that works against youth is that general life experience helps develop conversational talent, and also becomes a bag of stories that you can draw from. The more interesting you are, the more interested the other person becomes and the more likely they are to want to talk to you.

Also, don't be ugly.
 
Honestly, the only way to improve your social skills is to get over yourself.
Most people with social anxiety think that everyone is looking at them and judging them. Most people don't give a crap about you.
 
If you're not sure where to start, just ask about the game last night. Chances are there is some kind of sports game that played, and the guy might be into sports. Those are easy conversation starters. Just beware of mentioning any team names or you'll get caught. For example you would never talk about a Toronto Maple Leafs game if it's the playoffs, because they never make the playoffs. So keep it generic.

You: "How about that game yesterday?"
Random person: "I did not watch it, but I heard Wayne Gretzky scored 4 goals, I taped it, it's going to be amazing to watch!"
(Perfect, the other person has no clue either...)
You: Yeah was epic, it ended up being like 10-5, crazy game!"
Random person: "You bastard! I did not even watch it yet!"
You: "Oh sorry! Hey, we should go out for a beer some time"
 
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