How the times change: turning out to be responsible adults

[Exterous]

A group of us got together recently and were laughing about our change into responsible adults. How, based on the stories, should people really be trusting us with Important Things? One friend, if you had placed bets on her in her teens the odds would have favored jail or rehab. She's a freaking elementary school teacher now! Three kids and won the district's award for teacher of the year a couple years back. We used to go out and drink till the bar closed and then stay there drinking with the bar employees till 4-5am. The people who opened at 8am stayed right along side those that closed so HR might have had an issue with the condition of some of the people who showed up if they knew. So many other stories that there is no way in hell I'm putting online. Now we're a mix of teachers, lawyers, engineers, supervisors etc many with kids and we might even be descripted as 'responsible'. Crazy!

 

[SKORPI0]

Glad that they turned out to be "responsible" later in life after somehow being tagged by peers as someone who could have ended up in jail/etc.
Others would be not so lucky.

I had a cousin who was a drug addict in his teens (watched him sometimes being high). Had own farm of Marijuana hidden in the mountains. Turned his life by serving in the Navy, got a high paying job in the airlines (tech), married with kids now in their 30s with very nice careers. Sadly he passed away almost 3 years ago a the age of 64, some kind of cancer.

 

[Lost_in_the_HTTP]

Don't you dare call me responsible!!!!

That's almost as bad as calling me 'nice'.

 

[SKORPI0]

 

[sandorski]

The running was from the "Law".

 

[pcgeek11]

Yep going to hell. Save me a good seat.

 

[Torn Mind]

A group of us got together recently and were laughing about our change into responsible adults. How, based on the stories, should people really be trusting us with Important Things? One friend, if you had placed bets on her in her teens the odds would have favored jail or rehab. She's a freaking elementary school teacher now! Three kids and won the district's award for teacher of the year a couple years back. We used to go out and drink till the bar closed and then stay there drinking with the bar employees till 4-5am. The people who opened at 8am stayed right along side those that closed so HR might have had an issue with the condition of some of the people who showed up if they knew. So many other stories that there is no way in hell I'm putting online. Now we're a mix of teachers, lawyers, engineers, supervisors etc many with kids and we might even be descripted as 'responsible'. Crazy!

The most evil of all the occupations listed, and the one with the most beautiful façade(suits, expensive briefcase, and Benz or Bimmer in the driveway).

 

[Captante]

Well..... I got OLDER anyway .... "responsible adult" though?

Sounds awful.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I sometimes forget I'm an adult. I would not go as far as saying responsible, but I suppose at 35 yeah I'm an adult I guess.

Sometimes I miss my childhood and care free lifestyle, but then I think of how when I was a kid I could not wait to be an adult and own a house or even build a house and overall just have independence. Now I'm an adult with a house, and recently bought land to build a house... so I am exactly where I could not wait to be when I was a kid. So it is kind of cool when I think about it. I just wish time would stop going by so fast, I feel like I just don't have enough time to do what I want.

 

[Torn Mind]

Well..... I got OLDER anyway .... "responsible adult" though?

Sounds awful.

I thought you were too ugly to spread yourself around anymore.

 

[Captante]

I thought you were too ugly to spread yourself around anymore.

No doubt on the "ugly" lol (and proud!) ... not sure what you mean by "spread around" though?

 

[Torn Mind]

No doubt on the "ugly" lol (and proud!) ... not sure what you mean by "spread around" though?

Spreading seed. Getting laid.

(I forget that not everyone has listened to "My Prerogative")

 

[Captante]

I sometimes forget I'm an adult

A lot of the time I still FEEL like I'm 17 inside!

Then I walk past a mirror....

Spreading seed. Getting laid.

(I forget that not everyone has listened to "My Prerogative")

Ahhh I see.

Been a little light on "action" since Covid but def NOT by choice!


EDIT: Disturbingly now that you got me thinking about it I do believe "Covid-time" is the longest I've gone without getting any since I was a teenager.

*(been roughly a YEAR!)

So thanks for that!

 

[Torn Mind]

A lot of the time I still FEEL like I'm 17 inside!

Then I walk past a mirror....






Ahhh I see.

Been a little light on "action" since Covid but def NOT by choice!


EDIT: Disturbingly now that you got me thinking about it I do believe "Covid-time" is the longest I've gone without getting any since I was a teenager.

*(been roughly a YEAR!)

So thanks for that!

Ah, so you are proof that ugly men can get the fine young ladies to take it off.

 

[Kaido]

Let's do a deep-dive! As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that, for me, life boils down to just one sentence:

• Our primary responsibility is to create opportunities for our success.

This sounds like word salad, but let's break that down, starting in reverse:

1. Success: Over time, my definition of success has boiled down to two things:

1) Success is specific
2) Success is personal

For starters, success is specific to each situation we deal with in life. For example, you can be a workaholic & lose your family - you can be ultra-success ful at work & yet miss out on the most important thing in your life. So there's not a broad brush of just "being successful" across every situation in your life, it's compartmentalized!

In addition, within each situation or "compartment", success is individually-defined by us. Not everyone truly wants the Hollywood version of success, i.e. driving a Ferrari, living in a mansion, being the CEO of a company, etc.

For example, success within the food realm: I have a friend who eats out all the time. He & his wife are both power-workers & don't have kids at home. They eat out 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Neither of them enjoy cooking & they make enough money to burn through $2,000 to $3,000 per month on prepared meals (takeout, dining in restaurants, etc.).

On the flip side, I'm on a budget & also cook for my extended family (elderly), plus I don't do well eating out too many consecutive days (fast-food & restaurant food is typically too rich to eat day after day, not to mention the additional salt, preservatives, added sugars, etc...I love it, but I need some home-cooked meals sometimes lol)., so for me, I like to balance technology (Instant Pot, APO, etc.) with great food.

Both my friend & myself are successful because we're hitting our personal definitions of success within the compartmentalized situation of providing food for ourselves. It's sort of like launching a missile: it's really hard to hit a target if we haven't defined what that target is!

2. Create opportunities:

So success is something we experience, after defining it for ourselves. But to experience it, we have to create opportunities to experience it! So that's really our primary job: doing the prep-work required to enjoy experiencing success!

Going back to the food example, I like cookies. If I never try new recipes or go shopping for ingredients, then I haven't created any opportunities to expose myself to new cookie recipes or to experience the joy of eating warm, homemade cookies. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but the reality is:

1) No one is going to come into our lives & define happiness for us. Even if they did, we'd instantly reject it, because happiness is something we have to define for ourselves in each situation we encounter in life.

2) Once defined, no one is going to come into our lives & be happy for us. Being content is as easy as falling off a log, but happiness requires daily effort. It's the old "no one else can taste the apple for you" analogy.

Thus, we have to first define success & then work to create opportunities to success. Most of my success in life has come simply from preparation. This was a difficult lesson for me to learn as I grew up struggling with low energy & procrastinated massively as a result.

As it turns out, I don't have to do everything in the heat of the moment...I can plan out what I want, split it into chunks, and then work on the chunks over time, i.e. preparing for the end result, whether it's a meal plan for the week or writing an essay for school or whatever.

3. Primary responsibility:

We all have responsibilities that we're stuck with & that we choose in life. We have to eat; we choose to own a cat. Either way, we have to deal with managing those individual, discrete situations.

The best way we can deal with responsibilities successfully is by proactively defining our commitment to that responsibility. Like if you want kids, you can be a deadbeat dad or you can be an awesome dad. Or if you want to own a pet, you can do a terrible job caring for it or a great job caring for it.

The difference in our commitment to a particularly responsibility is all about how much we choose to care, not solely based on a feeling, but on a choice. Here's a great example of a couple dozen dogs who were not well-taken care of & then made a full recovery thanks to people who adopted the responsibility of caring for them & made a commitment to a positive outcome:

30 Incredible Before & After Rescue Dog Transformations Show What Love Can Do

What was in 1967 that the Beatles sung? That’s it, “All You Need Is Love”. While the world has changed massively over the last 40 years, the mantra still rings true, as you can see from the photos of these adorable doggos who were rescued, and with a whole lot of love, had their lives turned...

www.boredpanda.com

In life, our primary responsibility is to create opportunities for our success, whether it's improving our lives or the lives of those around us. We can do the bare-minimum at work, or we can do an awesome job at work & really help out our boss & coworkers & help our company be successful. The same thing applies to our families, our pets, our school, our local community, etc.

The catch is that life is hard & then we die, lol. Every day is basically like Groundhog Day - what I call the "Grand Reset" happens when we sleep, and we wake up reacting to how tired we are & how much energy we have available, and kind of have to mush through that slump to get our day going.

Without a clear idea of how we define happiness & a commitment to putting in the effort to achieving happiness on a daily basis, it's really easy to just coast & be content & not really ever experience life to the fullest...not a cheesy, cheap "Instagram" faux happiness, but in having identified all of our situations, defined what happiness means in each one, and setting ourselves up for success within each realm.

So per the OP's post, it's kind of crazy that we go through this growing-up process of being misfits & screw-ups & late-bloomers & kids who have no idea what we want to do with our lives, and eventually (hopefully) mature into people who are actively contributing to society & enabling their own happiness through their personal definitions & efforts!

But alas, the Grand Reset happens to our brains every day, and thus I have 45k+ posts on a sunsetting computer forum online. Putting in the effort into enjoying personal success in life every day is no small feat

 

[Captante]

Ah, so you are proof that ugly men can get the fine young ladies to take it off.

 

[sandorski]

Taliban Romance.

 

[Torn Mind]

Taliban Romance.

I came across some content involving being trapped in countries like Saudi Arabia.

Needless to say, the wooing skills of the men are actually pretty good. The hell begins after marriage.

Stories like these:

An American woman has been trapped in Saudi Arabia with her 4-year-old daughter because her ex-husband still has 'guardianship' over her and is reportedly refusing to let her leave

Bethany Vierra may have divorced her Saudi husband, but he still has control over whether she can leave the country, thanks to local laws.

www.insider.com

How an American woman lost a bitter custody battle with her Saudi ex and fled the kingdom to save her daughter

Bethany Vierra made headlines in 2019 when she accused her Saudi ex-husband of using his power as her sponsor to trap her in Saudi Arabia.

www.insider.com

I also read Belinda Carlisle's memoirs and her story of how some old Iranian or something always tried to court her and tried to get her to go with him to his country. She did not....had she, she'd been fucked over ten fold.

 

[Captante]

I also read Belinda Carlisle's memoirs and her story of how some old Iranian or something always tried to court her and tried to get her to go with him to his country. She did not....had she, she'd been fucked over ten fold.

Always important to remember that while our "rights" as Americans may not be what they used to be, they DO cover our ass's for a lot of stuff ... they ALSO pretty much end at the US border.

Most first-world countries also offer at least a degree of protection BUT outside of Western Europe I'm not sure how much faith I'd put in them. (and not even all of Western Europe)

 

[BoomerD]

A lot of the time I still FEEL like I'm 17 inside!

Then I try to get out of my chair....or do any kind of physical labor.

ftfm

 

[IndyColtsFan]

An old friend hit me up online the other day via Nextdoor and we were reminiscing about playing football at my house growing up. Then I realized the was around 35 years ago and an even bigger realization hit me: I've lived roughly 70% of my life since that time. It's kind of shocking when you think about it in those terms, especially since I had a great childhood all the way through high school. The 90s were pretty meh though.

 

[Kaido]

An old friend hit me up online the other day via Nextdoor and we were reminiscing about playing football at my house growing up. Then I realized the was around 35 years ago and an even bigger realization hit me: I've lived roughly 70% of my life since that time. It's kind of shocking when you think about it in those terms, especially since I had a great childhood all the way through high school. The 90s were pretty meh though.

Seriously man. It's been like twenty years since I was in high school. You get older but your brain doesn't! I'm coming up on 40 & I feel like 25 tops lol. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up & adults are still "other people" hahaha

 

[Torn Mind]

Seriously man. It's been like twenty years since I was in high school. You get older but your brain doesn't! I'm coming up on 40 & I feel like 25 tops lol. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up & adults are still "other people" hahaha

No wonder why men go into mid life crisis.

I doubt I will have one because I'm already old in mind.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Seriously man. It's been like twenty years since I was in high school. You get older but your brain doesn't! I'm coming up on 40 & I feel like 25 tops lol. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up & adults are still "other people" hahaha

Lol that's how I feel too. I sometimes refer to people older than me (like my parents' age) as "the adults" and forget that I myself am an adult lol.

I think being single does not help this though as everyone my age has like 3+ kids by now. I don't want kids or a wife though so I'm happy single, but it also makes me feel younger and I forget that I'm getting old.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Seriously man. It's been like twenty years since I was in high school. You get older but your brain doesn't! I'm coming up on 40 & I feel like 25 tops lol. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up & adults are still "other people" hahaha

I've been out of high school going on 33 years and out of grad school for 25 years. Those look like big numbers (and they are), but it's even more mind blowing when I think "I've lived 50% of my life since I left grad school" - it's almost unfathomable! I'm almost a completely different person than I was in high school and even college - it's nice having a lot more experience but with life experience often comes cynicism. I don't dream like I used to, and I miss that.

I think about the past A LOT. Probably more than I should. I've always told people the 80s were the best decade of my life and that's still true today. They even seem to get better and better in my mind's eye as I grow older. In a way, it's odd - I make a lot of money and can do almost anything I want, yet I was so much happier back then. Up until about 2000 or so, I used to think "Things haven't changed THAT much" but then - I don't know, maybe after 9/11? - I realized how much things have changed. Today is almost an alien world compared to when I grew up. Technology is way better, but the tech of the 80s had a personality and charm all its own. Politics are ridiculous now. I look at kids today and wonder if they ever really go outside or play with toys like action figures rather than sitting on a phone, tablet, or Switch all day. It's just so different. When I was a kid, I went to arcades and played Atari, but I also played outside a TON and had lots of Star Wars and GI Joe figures.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't reply to you specifically with this - if I could time travel back to being a kid and I could take one piece of technology with me, I'd definitely take a 3d printer. Holy crap, I would've been in heaven with a 3d printer and building stuff for my action figures.