How should we handle this situation?

[WA261]

tldr

 

[Perknose]

Is there any way to make it pretty clear if he can't come to family functions and mistreats her as he does AND that the tickets were supposed to be for her 2 kids and her, that we'd rather he not be there?

Yes, the direct way. I guess you have been avoiding having this sort of convo up until now.

Myself, I couldn't go to this concert with that creep there knowing he'd hogged the ticket you got for your niece. No way it wouldn't get fairly ugly, fairly fast, like before we ever got to our seats.

But then, no way I wouldn't have already had this kind of convo with my wife's sister, had I been you, so . . .

It's kind of hard for me to take myself out of this situation and give you the clearest, kindest advice on what you should do now, given you haven't done what I would have done long before.

Not trying to tap dance on your head, OP, I truly feel for you, I do.

If you can stand going w/o saying anything beforehand (I couldn't), then try and make the best of it.

If not, the convo starts with your wife's sister, your wife, and you first, absent Billy Bob. Do NOT involve your niece in this, the person who gave you that advice is weetarted. You do NOT want to have a heated discussion about your wife's sister's man choices in front of your niece! (I think you may already know that, though.)

Only IF you three adults can present a united front can Billy Bob be directly addressed, and this should be first done alone by your wife's sister.

Only if she then can't get Billy Bob to see the light and relent should she then tell him he can't come because you and your wife, who got the tickets for her and her two children, do not want him there under the circumstance that he attends with the ticket meant for your niece.

If he still won't see the light, damn, you're fucked. Me, I would personally go so far as to plan an alternate event for the five of you that evening and make Billy Bob go alone, but then that's just me and may well not be you.

I just couldn't go to that concert if he came.

Thinking about it some more, if Billy Bob goes, this is what I would do, if your wife and your wife's sister and her children would all agree. All FOUR of them show up (the niece comes under whatever story) and meet the two of you. You then tell Billy Bob what's what, that he can either do the right thing and get his own ticket or the other five of you are going somewhere else. Make sure you have every ticket (save maybe his) in YOUR hand before you say this, so he can't swipe the other tickets from your wife's sister. Stay calm but focused. Let any misbehavior start with him.

 

[PieIsAwesome]

Its your wife's sister. Why doesn't you wife just call her up and say "Hey sis, your boyfriend is a worthless dirtbag," and go from there. Siblings are close enough to where this should not cause any problems, right? At least that is the case for me and my siblings.

 

[cardiac]

The art of not being a pussy seems to be a lost one......

Amen!!!!

 

[Damn Dirty Ape]

thanks for the replies, unfortunately this is an 'older' sister by 10 years and she will not hesitate to to (in her rough demeanor) "I love ya sis but stay out of my relationship with him". See she won't take steps to better herself, she takes the lowest common denominator in guys and life because it's easier.

We're thinking about upgrading to some regular seats (off lawn) for $5 a pop (the two of us) and leaving it be at this point.

It would get ugly and no they can't have that kind of conversation like some can... The sister has been a rough one since her teen years (now 43), my wife is 34 and as sweet natured as anyone can be. Polar opposite.

She talked to her niece yesterday, now it seems she might be going, the brother not going, so it would be sis, daughter and dirtbag.

Niece is raising holy hell about him going with mom, not getting anywhere. They don't get along and she called him out as a 'douchebag' on her myspace.

It's a circus. She's only wanting to go so she can see Bret Michaels. Dirtbag wants to see Lynyrd, and apparently get drunk and most likely roll a couple. Sister doesn't smoke or drink anymore since her surgery as per Dr orders.

I truly wish that convo could happen but she's a rough one when she wants to be, says what she wants when she wants. SHe's fine to us, but if she thinks you have crossed the line, watch out.

 

[Patranus]

This is really a no brainer.
You wife invited her sister and the sisters kids not the husband and the sister.

He cannot come because he doesn't have a ticket.

There is really no reason to go into all of the other things. The tickets were bought for the sister and kids. Period.

Tell the kids to show up regardless and give them the ticket at the show in person. If the sister and her boyfriend show up give the sister a single ticket and leave it at that.

Like I said there is no reason to bring up the family history and what not.

 

[Damn Dirty Ape]

unfortunately we met her sister later after getting the tickets and she paid us for them; she's in control of them now.

This is really a no brainer.
You wife invited her sister and the sisters kids not the husband and the sister.

He cannot come because he doesn't have a ticket.

There is really no reason to go into all of the other things. The tickets were bought for the sister and kids. Period.

Tell the kids to show up regardless and give them the ticket at the show in person. If the sister and her boyfriend show up give the sister a single ticket and leave it at that.

Like I said there is no reason to bring up the family history and what not.

 

[Adrenaline]

Man up and tell him he is not welcome.

I agree with this.

 

[Sluggo]

It's a circus. She's only wanting to go so she can see Bret Michaels.

So this means Bret Michaels is alive and out of the hospital?

 

[Damn Dirty Ape]

So this means Bret Michaels is alive and out of the hospital?

yea he's done a few appearances now. Should have kept the tix until concert time and had some control but sister was all 'i have the money tonight, might not next time I see you, better take it now'. $30 and didnt think about the possible outcomes.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally Posted by Sluggo
So this means Bret Michaels is alive and out of the hospital?

Yep, and back on tour.

yea he's done a few appearances now. Should have kept the tix until concert time and had some control but sister was all 'i have the money tonight, might not next time I see you, better take it now'. $30 and didnt think about the possible outcomes.

Sounds like it's out of your hands now. Upgrade the tickets like you mentioned earlier...and offer to buy one for the niece too. Let her sit with you and your wife.

 

[OILFIELDTRASH]

For the love of god, someone tries to get a little "real" advice and all he gets are replies that are so idiotic its no wonder you still live at home.

Its the blind leading the blind - get a clue and a road map before you reply just for the fact you want a higher post count.

Now for some real advice:



End rant.

Shut up. Most of us are adults that live on our own and have for years. If you want serious join a f@cking oprah book club.

 

[Damn Dirty Ape]

update: they got into it big time after we tried to talk reason.. bringing the dirtbag after all. we moved up to some actual seats for $5 more each for the 2 of us. life's too short to worry about it. they will get over it but damned if we do anything like that again.