How 'sheltered' do you(should one) keep their child

[Safeway]

Enough so that the chances of rape, abduction, felonies, etc are slim.

 

[UpGrD]

The wold is F up enough. Do your kids a favor and let them believe that the world is perfect as long as you can. Trust me it wont be very long. The best part of my day is coming home from work and asking my 4 yr old how his day was. Short of a lost toy, its always perfect.

 

[Sqube]

My parents followed the school that said "If they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to hear the answer." That doesn't mean, of course, that they broke out biology books. But they told me enough that I didn't spend much time believing in the stork, Santa, Easter Bunny, etc.

There's a line between protecting your children from the evils of the world and turning them into the precious snowflakes that we all hate so much.

 

[polarmystery]

My F*($% buddy is pretty damn sheltered and has her mom calling her intermittenly(sp?) at least 3-4 times a day making sure everything is ok with her and making sure she's either at home, that she's had something to eat, or that she isn't stressed out over ____


...she's 27

 

[Modelworks]

I think the most important thing is communication.
Raise the child in an environment where no matter what it is the child is comfortable coming to you before some kid at school when they need advice or don't understand something.

If you can accomplish that, then when the child has questions about sex, drugs or anything else they will let you know.

The other thing is spending daily quality time, where you can find out whats on the childs mind or what they are dealing with.

Families don't spend time together like in years past.
Its mom/dad I got to work, kids - I want to watch tv or got things I want to do.
The times of everyone sitting down to dinner , with no tv on, and the family just enjoying the meal together and discussing their day, is rapidly disappearing.

 

[Xavier434]

A few good rules of thumb:

1. If you are given the choice between teaching them and sheltering them then odds are you will be making the best choice as a parent by choosing to teach.

2. If you are incapable of teaching them or the child is incapable of understanding the basic concept of what you are trying to teach then it is best to try and figure out what you need to teach them first so that they become capable of learning the more complicated lesson later. Sometimes this can take quite a while depending on the topic and the experience/age of the child.

3. In all cases, if you feel your child would not be willing to approach you about nearly anything to talk about it then you need to change that. It is not easy but it is the best insurance you can get.

4. Above all else, use your best judgment. There are no rules set in stone to this kind of stuff. Just don't do what so many parents have failed at doing in the past which is to rely too much on others to do the teaching for you (schools) or choose to not teach at all. Some just figure that there is no reason to teach their children about certain subjects because they "are too young" or whatever when the truth is the child is capable of understanding the basics but the parents just do not know how to teach them those basics. A good example of what I am talking about is the subject of death. One must ask themselves how to teach a 3 or 4 year old about death should a relative that they see frequently pass away.

 

[kalrith]

Originally posted by: mattocs
Most of my friends who grew up sheltered had nutty religious parents.

I'm religious, but I wasn't raise uber-sheltered. I cringe when I see parents raising their kids so sheltered that they don't know what the real world is like. Someone I know home schools her kids, and they're subscribed to an all-Christian satellite service. They don't get local channels or anything that's not Christian. They don't go to any non-Christian activities. I hate to see how her kids turn out.

I went to a Bible college and saw plenty of kids who had been very sheltered and had strict parents until they went off to school. A lot of them completely went crazy when they were actually able to make decisions for themselves; some of them going so far as getting kicked out of school for destroying school property, going to strip clubs, etc. Others never broke out of their very sheltered molds and hardly left the college campus. All their friends were there; they worked there, hung out there, etc.

I don't think there's a certain universal time line to follow with kids. However, I want my kids to learn about sex and drugs from me. I want to take the opportunity while they're still living with me and influenced by me to expose them to things that they'll need to know in order to make better decisions after they're on their own.

 

[FeuerFrei]

Any case you can make against sheltering your kids, pales in comparison to the case for sheltering your kids.

They don't need to experience all the possible ways they could screw up in order to learn what's right. Experience can be a great teacher, but believe me there are some experiences you are better off avoiding your entire life, even if you may recover from the consequences. You teach by surrounding them with correct examples. Remember kids imitate what they see around them. Well, adults too, but kids are extra peer sensitive.

I won't get into specific issues and ages because I'm in the process of raising my first child, so I'm learning as I go.