How shameful is living at home for a man at what age?

[Hacp]

No. No self-respecting woman would want to date a 33 year-old guy who lives at home with mommy and daddy while owning 3 luxury cars. It might be a little different if mom and dad owned a compound with a separate guest house and the guy lived there (and paid for it), but I don't get the impression that's the case. Likewise, I wouldn't (and didn't) marry a woman who had no education or career. It wasn't because I was "after her money," but because I think those are important components of being an adult.

So women in the early 20th century were not adults?

 

[xeemzor]

So women in the early 20th century were not adults?

That's such a dumb straw man argument if I've ever seen one.

 

[brianmanahan]

That's such a dumb straw man argument if I've ever seen one.

your straw man cry is a straw man. stay at home moms (or dads) are not responsible adults?

 

[purbeast0]

No. No self-respecting woman would want to date a 33 year-old guy who lives at home with mommy and daddy while owning 3 luxury cars. It might be a little different if mom and dad owned a compound with a separate guest house and the guy lived there (and paid for it), but I don't get the impression that's the case. Likewise, I wouldn't (and didn't) marry a woman who had no education or career. It wasn't because I was "after her money," but because I think those are important components of being an adult.

well i gotta say that my friends who are 32 and 33 years old who are living at home still, they aren't the ones who are looking for "women" they are out there still partying trying to pull tail from chicks in their early 20's. they don't have women who have started their careers and looking for a man to be with long term, lining up for them. i think most guys who live at home aren't ready for anything more serious anyways so they just go for the young dumb chicks.

 

[xeemzor]

your straw man cry is a straw man. stay at home moms (or dads) are not responsible adults?

That's not what I said. I said that there is a life cost that you pay for living at home and that everything can't be quantified in dollars and cents.

 

[brianmanahan]

True story:

I still live at home. In fact, I live at home with my brother, sister, and my parents. We are living in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath basement unit in San Francisco. I share a room with my 30 year old brother. My 27 year old sister stays in my parents' room. We were immigrants in 1998 and came here with absolutely nothing.

My brother currently makes about 100k/year. My sister makes 60k/year. I make 130k/year. My parents both worked their butts off for the last 16 years at below minimum wage(paid with cash). We don't have any student/car loans. We paid everything off.

We saved and saved for 16 years. We ended up with $600k in savings.

Last month, we purchased a $1.3 million 3 unit house in San Francisco. We plan on living in one of the units, and rent the other 2 units out. After the rents and tax deductions, we pay almost nothing in mortgage.

Life was hard in the last 16 years to be honest. For a guy making $130k/year, I still lived in a room with my brother in a bunk bed. But that's what you have to do when you had nothing to begin with. I feel like I wasted a lot of my youth from age 22 to 25 because I had to live at home. But I felt like it was the right thing to do because my family is set for a very long time. I just couldn't see my family staying at our current place for so long. I could have easily rented a $2k/month apartment by myself but I wanted to save up to help buy a home for my family instead.

It's funny how people think living at home is shameful. Those people are lucky. Their parents have homes for them. And not everyone who lives at home is a loser and depends on parents. I live at home because I need to take care of my parents and family.

lol, did you post this on Reddit personal finance too?

 

[IndyColtsFan]

So women in the early 20th century were not adults?

I'll let you read this:

That's such a dumb straw man argument if I've ever seen one.

That sums up your "argument" better than I could. I'll let you figure out why.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

your straw man cry is a straw man. stay at home moms (or dads) are not responsible adults?

In your example, they're already married so they're off the market. 😉

well i gotta say that my friends who are 32 and 33 years old who are living at home still, they aren't the ones who are looking for "women" they are out there still partying trying to pull tail from chicks in their early 20's. they don't have women who have started their careers and looking for a man to be with long term, lining up for them. i think most guys who live at home aren't ready for anything more serious anyways so they just go for the young dumb chicks.

I'd agree with the bolded.

 

[Mai72]

True story:

I still live at home. In fact, I live at home with my brother, sister, and my parents. We are living in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath basement unit in San Francisco. I share a room with my 30 year old brother. My 27 year old sister stays in my parents' room. We were immigrants in 1998 and came here with absolutely nothing.

My brother currently makes about 100k/year. My sister makes 60k/year. I make 130k/year. My parents both worked their butts off for the last 16 years at below minimum wage(paid with cash). We don't have any student/car loans. We paid everything off.

We saved and saved for 16 years. We ended up with $600k in savings.

Last month, we purchased a $1.3 million 3 unit house in San Francisco. We plan on living in one of the units, and rent the other 2 units out. After the rents and tax deductions, we pay almost nothing in mortgage.

Life was hard in the last 16 years to be honest. For a guy making $130k/year, I still lived in a room with my brother in a bunk bed. But that's what you have to do when you had nothing to begin with. I feel like I wasted a lot of my youth from age 22 to 25 because I had to live at home. But I felt like it was the right thing to do because my family is set for a very long time. I just couldn't see my family staying at our current place for so long. I could have easily rented a $2k/month apartment by myself but I wanted to save up to help buy a home for my family instead.

It's funny how people think living at home is shameful. Those people are lucky. Their parents have homes for them. And not everyone who lives at home is a loser and depends on parents. I live at home because I need to take care of my parents and family.

That's a great story, and you are truly a good hearted guy. We aren't talking about people like you. The people we're talking about are scum buckets! Take my friend for example. He lived with his elderly aunt because he was going to get her house. He would yell at her all the time. Truly sickening.

My friend: Aunt Betsy, get my food.
Aunt: OK.. I'm sorry I am late. I'm not feeling good.

My friend: I don't care. Get my food!!! I am hungry!!!
Aunt: I will do it now.

My friend: Good. Get me a cola.
Aunt: We have 7up only. Is this OK?

My friend: I want cola!!!
Aunt: I'm sorry. *starts crying...

My friend then throws a fit and punched the wall, because his aunt couldn't get him that cola. I left disgusted.

His aunt has since died. He lives alone. This guy loves watching movies in the dark. With only his underwear. I haven't talked to him in ages.

 

[KeithTalent]

Depends on the culture. As a white guy, anything after 18 years old is pathetic, unless you are staying there to help get you through school.

KT

 

[Hacp]

I'll let you read this:



That sums up your "argument" better than I could. I'll let you figure out why.

So you're just going to hide behind the "that's a strawman" argument while insulting a large demographic by calling them non-adults.

 

[Thebobo]

That's a great story, and you are truly a good hearted guy. We aren't talking about people like you. The people we're talking about are scum buckets! Take my friend for example. He lived with his elderly aunt because he was going to get her house. He would yell at her all the time. Truly sickening.

My friend: Aunt Betsy, get my food.
Aunt: OK.. I'm sorry I am late. I'm not feeling good.

My friend: I don't care. Get my food!!! I am hungry!!!
Aunt: I will do it now.

My friend: Good. Get me a cola.
Aunt: We have 7up only. Is this OK?

My friend: I want cola!!!
Aunt: I'm sorry. *starts crying...

My friend then throws a fit and punched the wall, because his aunt couldn't get him that cola. I left disgusted.

His aunt has since died. He lives alone. This guy loves watching movies in the dark. With only his underwear. I haven't talked to him in ages.

Dang I wondered where you went. Call me.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

So you're just going to hide behind the "that's a strawman" argument while insulting a large demographic by calling them non-adults.

I'm not hiding behind anything. Arguing that women from 100 years ago, when cultural norms were far different and it was very common and likely for women to not work outside of the home, are somehow relevant to a discussion regarding people today, is just dumb.

 

[ponyo]

That's a great story, and you are truly a good hearted guy. We aren't talking about people like you. The people we're talking about are scum buckets! Take my friend for example. He lived with his elderly aunt because he was going to get her house. He would yell at her all the time. Truly sickening.

My friend: Aunt Betsy, get my food.
Aunt: OK.. I'm sorry I am late. I'm not feeling good.

My friend: I don't care. Get my food!!! I am hungry!!!
Aunt: I will do it now.

My friend: Good. Get me a cola.
Aunt: We have 7up only. Is this OK?

My friend: I want cola!!!
Aunt: I'm sorry. *starts crying...

My friend then throws a fit and punched the wall, because his aunt couldn't get him that cola. I left disgusted.

His aunt has since died. He lives alone. This guy loves watching movies in the dark. With only his underwear. I haven't talked to him in ages.

Yet you want to be like your friend. http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=2396245&highlight=

 

[Hacp]

I'm not hiding behind anything. Arguing that women from 100 years ago, when cultural norms were far different and it was very common and likely for women to not work outside of the home, are somehow relevant to a discussion regarding people today, is just dumb.

And arguing that women who don't have careers or aren't educated don't qualify as adults is stupid.

 

[Red Storm]

Depends on the culture. As a white guy, anything after 18 years old is pathetic, unless you are staying there to help get you through school.

Culture definitely has a lot to do with it. In many parts of the world, the kids stay with the family for a good long while, and that is later reciprocated by the kids taking care of the parents when they get older. It's also more common with larger families.

 

[xeemzor]

And arguing that women who don't have careers or aren't educated don't qualify as adults is stupid.

Did you even read IndyColtsFan's post? No where is he making the point that "women who don't have careers or aren't educated don't qualify as adults". Rather, he is arguing that ALL people take into consideration traits like independence, drive, and intelligence when choosing life partners. By living at home too long you significantly limit your pool of people to choose from.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

And arguing that women who don't have careers or aren't educated don't qualify as adults is stupid.

I didn't say they weren't adults -- I said I consider those important components of adulthood, however -- especially the job part. Admittedly, it was poor phrasing on my part and I probably should've labeled it differently.

A lack of those things I cited earlier shows, IMO, a lack of ambition and from my own personal experience seeing a couple of my friends, that is a dealbreaker. This obviously doesn't apply to me since I am married, but I never would've married a woman who had never lived on her own, never held a job, and didn't have a degree of some sort. I'm sure women see men with one or more of these traits as undesirable as well -- which, if you remember, was the original point.

Did you even read IndyColtsFan's post? No where is he making that point that "women who don't have careers or aren't educated don't qualify as adults". Rather, he is arguing that ALL people take into consideration traits like independence, drive, and intelligence when choosing life partners. By living at home too long you significantly limit your pool of people to chose from.

Correct, though I think rereading my comment, I should've phrased it a bit differently.

I have a former friend who has been married twice. Both times, the women were uneducated, didn't work and didn't want to work, and at least in one of the cases, didn't live on her own ever. He now has 5 kids total. I've known this guy for 16+ years and he is always broke, whining about money, etc, and all this could've been avoided with better choices in life.

 

[Mai72]

Yet you want to be like your friend. http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?t=2396245&highlight=

I was in a lazy mood when I wrote that. I believe in hard work. 🙂

 

[nageov3t]

Did you even read IndyColtsFan's post? No where is he making that point that "women who don't have careers or aren't educated don't qualify as adults". Rather, he is arguing that ALL people take into consideration traits like independence, drive, and intelligence when choosing life partners. By living at home too long you significantly limit your pool of people to choose from.

it's definitely more socially acceptable for girls to live at home longer than boys, but I judge my female friends in their 30's who still live with their parents just the same as my male friends.

I think they're markedly immature, having never had the need to be truly responsible and self-sufficient in their lives. with one of them, I truly worry about what she's going to do should her mom pass suddenly... wouldn't surprise me if she went from living with her mom to living with one of her sisters, because she's 33 and has never had more than a part-time job for fun money.

(I think my other friend would be fine... she works full-time but comes from a pretty conservative family. she's one of 5 daughters and none of them left home before marriage. she definitely doesn't have a real world appreciation for what it takes to be self-sufficient, though)

 

[OverVolt]

So I have a friend who I've known since I was 6.

We have had an ongoing debate over how shameful living at home is.

We are both software engineers make about the same money so no one is broke. He makes 120+ range. So he was raised an only child and says he prefers being near his family. I have rented various apartments for 11 years (we are both 33) and probably rent averaged near $1000 living alone or roommates (no roommates now). Anyway my friend owns an s2000 a Mercedes c class and us ordering a 2015 m3 which he points out cost less than my 11 years of rent. That and he says "its socially acceptable now since lots of people moved home during the recession so its not as weird".

Now I have no intention of ever moving home. But he should move out right? Or am I just old fashioned and have lost touch with what is acceptable in your early 30s?

He needs to move out or else he won't grow up. He's probably a manchild. Buying luxury cars because you live at home is EXTREMELY COMMON. I'd rather live in my own hole in the wall than live at home and drive a mercedes or BMW etc.

It took about 2 years of living on my own to really develop my own opinions on what I wanted to do with my life. At 33 he does what? Stays at work longer than necessary, his mom does his laundry so he can play more videogames and hangout at the bar more frequently? While quite the nice life, he is wasting his 30's when he should be getting married and such. Whose he going to rely on when he is older like 40-45? It goes fast when you are working. His 60-80 year old mom still going to do his laundry so he can fall asleep watching movies and tinkering with his car? No... he needs to get married and get a spouse so he can build a life together. That takes time. He is running out of time and doesn't realize it.

 

[brianmanahan]

He needs to move out or else he won't grow up. He's probably a manchild. Buying luxury cars because you live at home is EXTREMELY COMMON. I'd rather live in my own hole in the wall than live at home and drive a mercedes or BMW etc.

It took about 2 years of living on my own to really develop my own opinions on what I wanted to do with my life. At 33 he does what? Stays at work longer than necessary, his mom does his laundry so he can play more videogames and hangout at the bar more frequently? While quite the nice life, he is wasting his 30's when he should be getting married and such. Whose he going to rely on when he is older like 40-45? It goes fast when you are working. His 60-80 year old mom still going to do his laundry so he can fall asleep watching movies and tinkering with his car? No... he needs to get married and get a spouse so he can build a life together. That takes time. He is running out of time and doesn't realize it.

why does he need to get married?

 

[nickbits]

He needs to move out or else he won't grow up. He's probably a manchild. Buying luxury cars because you live at home is EXTREMELY COMMON. I'd rather live in my own hole in the wall than live at home and drive a mercedes or BMW etc.

It took about 2 years of living on my own to really develop my own opinions on what I wanted to do with my life. At 33 he does what? Stays at work longer than necessary, his mom does his laundry so he can play more videogames and hangout at the bar more frequently? While quite the nice life, he is wasting his 30's when he should be getting married and such. Whose he going to rely on when he is older like 40-45? It goes fast when you are working. His 60-80 year old mom still going to do his laundry so he can fall asleep watching movies and tinkering with his car? No... he needs to get married and get a spouse so he can build a life together. That takes time. He is running out of time and doesn't realize it.

How is that different from someone who gets divorced in their 30s?

 

[Carson Dyle]

My brother lived at home until he was 32. Paid the folks monthly for room and board. Then he bought a house and got married a couple years later. Paid off the house in under 15 years and he retired at 51.

It can be good. The parents were lonely when he left.

 

[Hacp]

I didn't say they weren't adults -- I said I consider those important components of adulthood, however -- especially the job part. Admittedly, it was poor phrasing on my part and I probably should've labeled it differently.

It may have been poor phrasing. What I took from your statement was that women who didn't go to college or didn't have a career(an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person's life and with opportunities for progress) have not stepped into adulthood.

So basically someone who didn't go to college and/or didn't have a successful job: I.E. someone who wasn't affluent like poor young single mothers.