How shameful is living at home for a man at what age?

[John Connor]

I'm surprised really. Usually it's the other way around. In laws or parents move in with you!

 

[olds]

18, out of high school and you should be living on your own.

 

[xeemzor]

18, out of high school and you should be living on your own.

This is not practical in the age of student loan debt and declining middle class jobs. It's much harder to make it in the world now than when you were growing up.

 

[Red Squirrel]

This is not practical in the age of student loan debt and declining middle class jobs. It's much harder to make it in the world now than when you were growing up.

Yeah makes more sense to stay at home till you actually have a real job. aka after college. Then save up and move out when ready. Makes no sense to jump the gun only to end up in some really crappy living situation.

 

[z1ggy]

Is said 33yo who lives at home getting laid on the reg? I doubt it. I'd think most chicks would be rather turned off waking up in a guys bed to find out his mama is making him breakfast a few rooms over.

Living on your own shows responsibility and character. Living at home with 3 lux cars shows you're a scared, immature mama's boy.

 

[brianmanahan]

All I have to say is.....

OP, could you write your topic's title any worse?

How shameful is living at home for a man at what age?


That "sentence" would be much better written as:

At what age would it be shameful for a man to live at home?

perhaps the OP seeks an equation that models shame as a function of time?

 

[NutBucket]

Curious, wouldn't you rather own?

It's LA. $120k means the OP can afford a condo in the neighborhoods he likes...maybe. A house, forgetaboutit!

 

[soulcougher73]

It's all a scam by "the man" to keep us poor to insist we live away from family 😛

 

[nageov3t]

if the OP's friend is contributing his fare share to household expenses, I don't see anything wrong with it... I've got a 33 year-old friend who still lives at home because, after his dad died when we were in high school, his mom has really struggled financially. he's staying in the house because otherwise his mom would probably have to sell it. (at this point, I think the plan is that once the mom retires and doesn't need to commute into NYC every day, they're going to sell it and she'll move into a townhouse/condo in an "adult community" or something)

otoh, if he's earning 6-figures and not even helping towards the mortgage or utility bills, he sounds a bit scummy and/or immature.

 

[96Firebird]

18, out of high school and you should be living on your own.

This.

This is not practical in the age of student loan debt and declining middle class jobs. It's much harder to make it in the world now than when you were growing up.

I graduated high school in 2006, went straight to college. I moved out at 18, moved back in with parents for a couple months at 20 until I found another house to rent, and haven't been back since. Sure, its tough out there, but finding a part-time job to pay rent isn't hard to come by.

Oh, and my college(s) were 30 minutes from my parent's house. I still felt I should be out on my own.

 

[Scarpozzi]

The real question is whether or not he contributes to the household. If he's just mooching off the rents, it doesn't matter what his income is....he's simply taking advantage of them. If he's got a good relationship with them and does chores and they don't mind him being there....that's great.

I know enough people who live with their parents in their late 30's....still in school....basically taking advantage of their parents, but I'm sure their parents don't mind either. I'm sure it's hard to let your last baby go....it'd be like telling a beloved pet to move out. 😛

After all of that, the final question is whether or not it's healthy for their lifestyle and relationships. At 33 years old, I was married with 2 kids (well planned). Even without a six figure income (I'm the only one on ATOT without one), I likely have a greater net worth than him. If he's concerned with throwing money away on cars, I have a feeling he's not fully matured yet. He can make the choice to move out when he's ready...as long as he's saving his cash, he'll be able to throw a down payment on a house or condo.

 

[OILFIELDTRASH]

Nah guise it's too tough out there without mommy and daddy. Even though I got out of prison with a felony conviction at 20 (went when I was 18) found a job and never looked back. Was at my dad's a few months after prison till I moved on my own. Didn't even get a set of dishes to take with me. Ended up with a house and a decent job regardless. I keep hearing these pansies with college and a clean record crying about finding a job. Hell I have no issue and my record looks like a phone book when printed out.

 

[Childs]

I could see being ashamed if you have no where else to go, cause in a way you failed. In 2001 - 2003 I was unemployed and burned through all my savings, sold anything of value, but I just couldn't keep it going anymore so I had to move back home. Crappiest feeling ever, and I imagine only worse if I had no home to go back to. Kinda lame because I was only back for a couple months then found a good job and moved out asap. I guess I was there just long enough to be humbled.

I wouldn't look down on someone who had to do the same, but I don't really get why someone would want to do it if they didn't have to. Living under someone else's roof means you have to live by their rules. I dunno, my mom pushed self reliance on me early on because she had it rough raising me, so the thought of relying on others is off putting. Especially family, cause they'll never let you forget it. 😛

 

[norseamd]

I have no opinion. Whatever works for the parties involved is fine with me. I wouldn't want to live with parents, but there's nothing wrong with it.

+1

 

[HardcoreRobot]

really depends on the personalities involved. its bad if the kids are mooching. its bad if the parents are trying to shelter the kid. there are cases where it makes financial sense. cases where it makes sense for health reason (ex. if someone needs special care). there is no single right answer.

 

[NutBucket]

I lived at home until I was 28. In retrospect I probably would have been better off being on my owner sooner. At any rate, I wasn't a mooch and worked all through college. If my mom had her way I'd still be living with them. It's been more than 4 years and she still isn't "over it".

I have no idea what I how I will feel when my kid(s) graduate high school. I'm certainly not going to kick them out but I don't want to guilt them into staying either.

 

[pontifex]

I lived at home until I was 32. I didn't mind living with my parents as we get along great.
My main issue was privacy and noise (my mom watches my niece and nephew) and space.

I bought a small house and while I live it, it costs a lot. About half my monthly slary goes into the mortgage/taxes/insurance. The other 2/3s goes into other bills/groceries/etc.

Leaves me very little left and I've cut back on a few things to save money.

 

[Mixolydian]

guys get a pass till age 24.
shame starts at age 25

I would generally say this. Or maybe 5 years after college.

After that, or no later than age 30, an adult should have their shit together.

 

[KeithP]

I have no opinion. Whatever works for the parties involved is fine with me. I wouldn't want to live with parents, but there's nothing wrong with it.

Yep.

-KeithP

 

[Squeetard]

Moved to another town for work at 18, the day after grad.
When I was 35 I moved back to my home town, found a good job there. Sold my house and moved in with the parents for 8 months while I looked for and bought another house.
For the first month it was glorious. Meals cooked, clothes magically go from the floor to washed and folded in the dresser etc...
Then it starts to wear on you, the mothering. Found a house in 5 months, took another 3 until closing. I could not wait to get out.

 

[Vdubchaos]

As long as you contribute financially to the family/household and are a decent human being, I see no problem with living at parents house (no age limit).

 

[z1ggy]

As long as you contribute financially to the family/household and are a decent human being, I see no problem with living at parents house (no age limit).

I see this said all the time, but as a guy or girl, who wants to date somebody where mom & dad are in the next bedroom over? Unless you have your own apartment in the basement, completely separate from the rest of the household... Who wants to have sex with your g/f knowing her dad could hear you through the walls?

I say as soon as it's financially feasible, people should live on their own. Mom & Dad can offer financial support if they really need it, but living in the same room you did growing up is a huge turn off to potential mates, IMO.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

At the end of the day, if all parties are happy with the arrangement and the guy is paying some of the bills, it isn't any of our business. However, from your description, it does sound to me that the guy has major maturity issues.

 

[Gooberlx2]

I think living away from family is an important experience to have in order to grow as a person. That said, it's only shameful if he's not contributing.

 

[alkemyst]

How would finding a girlfriend help my financial situation? I easily put 95% of my graduate stipend into the bank every year. Even if I found a similarly stingy gf and we split rent and all expenses evenly, there's no way I'd be coming out ahead with how little I make every year for teaching and research.

Your problem is you take every post personally and don't see the bigger picture.

If you can't understand how two incomes are better than a single income in a single household, then I am not sure what to tell you.

If you can save 95% of your income, while living on your own and actually living a real life then this kind of thing probably does not apply to you.