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How shameful is living at home for a man at what age?

H

hans007

Lifer
So I have a friend who I've known since I was 6.

We have had an ongoing debate over how shameful living at home is.

We are both software engineers make about the same money so no one is broke. He makes 120+ range. So he was raised an only child and says he prefers being near his family. I have rented various apartments for 11 years (we are both 33) and probably rent averaged near $1000 living alone or roommates (no roommates now). Anyway my friend owns an s2000 a Mercedes c class and us ordering a 2015 m3 which he points out cost less than my 11 years of rent. That and he says "its socially acceptable now since lots of people moved home during the recession so its not as weird".

Now I have no intention of ever moving home. But he should move out right? Or am I just old fashioned and have lost touch with what is acceptable in your early 30s?
 
I have no opinion. Whatever works for the parties involved is fine with me. I wouldn't want to live with parents, but there's nothing wrong with it.
 
I don't look down on anyone for doing it to save money, even if they don't need to save money. I imagine it makes dating difficult though.
 
I don't think it's as big a stigma as it used to be. Especially if you live somewhere where housing prices and rents are high. Though if you're driving around in a brand new M3 and still living with your parents, you probably need to rethink your priorities.

I still do. I could go out and buy a condo right now if I really wanted to, but everyone tells me their a bad investment. So I'm padding my savings. I don't go out much or live extravagantly. I'm managing to put away about $2000 a month right now.
 
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I guess my point is he seems to be quite happy and that's great for him. But I always encourage him to leave even if it costs money because he'll have better perspective but I'm guessing he's never going to.
 
lxskllr said:
I have no opinion. Whatever works for the parties involved is fine with me. I wouldn't want to live with parents, but there's nothing wrong with it.
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This. Perhaps he is actually lessening the burden on his parents, but in any case it's up to the three of them to decide what works.
 
Shameful ?

Got me I went in the Marines at 18 and have lived on my own since 1980.

I was even buying my own clothes then and paid for my own car if I wanted one back then.

My dad paid for the house, food, and utilities.

I bought my own Cigs etc above room and board.

It's all relative I guess, everyone can fall on bad times depending on the economy.

I lived there after I got out of the service in 1984 for about 3 weeks and we moved out and got our own little place and have supported myself ever since, in a bad economy.
 
mmntech said:
I don't think it's as big a stigma as it used to be. Especially if you live somewhere where housing prices and rents are high. Though if you're driving around in a brand new M3 and still living with your parents, you probably need to rethink your priorities.

I still do. I could go out and buy a condo right now if I really wanted to, but everyone tells me their a bad investment. So I'm padding my savings. I don't go out much or live extravagantly. I'm managing to put away about $2000 a month right now.
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Well.my buddy has plenty to buy a place with. But he pointed out why should he in a housing bubble since as an only child with 70 ish year old parents.... He'll inherit a house eventually. Kind of a grim thing to point out but true.
 
It's become the norm way too much these days, not sure I'd call it shameful.

Other than the way the government is handling things overall.

And I do not mean the one now, just the government in general the last 40 years.
 
It was common for multiple generations of one family to live under one roof 100 or so years ago. Then later it became a social stigma. Now times are changing and perhaps things will come full circle.
 
Having traveled to many parts of the world, it seems the norm is to live at home until...whenever. In some cultures (modern even) it is normal to live at home until you marry.

So, me personally? I dont see shame at any age.
 
Doesn't he make fun of you for renting the same as you make fun of him for living at home?
 
I wouldn't have a problem with it unless he pays no bills or rent there to help out, even if they don't need it. Other than that I wish my parents were alive still so I could mooch off of them....lol.
 
I see no shame in him living at home. The only way I could see it as being a problem is if he was unemployed and was scrounging off his folks. As this obviously isn't the case it is all good.
 
lxskllr said:
I have no opinion. Whatever works for the parties involved is fine with me. I wouldn't want to live with parents, but there's nothing wrong with it.
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This is what I think as well. There's no harm in it if everyone is in agreement to the terms. I couldn't live with my parents anymore unless they needed me for health reasons, but I could have stayed with them for a few years after college if I wasn't already married.

More specifically in response to the OP: try not to see it as who is right or wrong. You've learned to spend money on the necessities of life and you can say you've been supporting yourself. He can't make that claim. It's not really worth much, but you're doing yourself a service by being more independent. Staying at home is fine, but that's not the same as optimal. It's hard to say what's optimal, but I think being on your own is closer to it than relying on your parents.
 
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I used to subscribe to the popular opinion about how you're a loser if you're still at home after 18.

Nowadays... Who cares? Everyone thinks everyone else is a loser or an idiot for some reason or another. Do what works and makes you happy.

P.S. I live at home, feel like a complete loser, but no one else calling me a loser is willing to give me free money to do it.
 
DaTT said:
Doesn't he make fun of you for renting the same as you make fun of him for living at home?
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no he just points out my rent last month is approximately what an m3 payment for a 5 yaer term is.

that said everyone im good with paying the rent.



i do actually have another software engineer friend who got laid off from EA 3 years ago as an ios dev. hasnt looked for a job since and has just done nothing but play league of legends and xbox at his parents for 3 years.... now that guy is a mooch.
 
I wouldn't mind living with my parents. I lived with them through out college and graduated with no debt and 15k in my savings.

The only set back I experienced is that the minute I moved out and start renting, paying for utilities and furnishing my own place my saving quickly dropped to around 5K :'(
 
hans007 said:
no he just points out my rent last month is approximately what an m3 payment for a 5 yaer term is.

that said everyone im good with paying the rent.



i do actually have another software engineer friend who got laid off from EA 3 years ago as an ios dev. hasnt looked for a job since and has just done nothing but play league of legends and xbox at his parents for 3 years.... now that guy is a mooch.
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Curious, wouldn't you rather own?
 
hans007 said:
So I have a friend who I've known since I was 6.

We have had an ongoing debate over how shameful living at home is.

We are both software engineers make about the same money so no one is broke. He makes 120+ range. So he was raised an only child and says he prefers being near his family. I have rented various apartments for 11 years (we are both 33) and probably rent averaged near $1000 living alone or roommates (no roommates now). Anyway my friend owns an s2000 a Mercedes c class and us ordering a 2015 m3 which he points out cost less than my 11 years of rent. That and he says "its socially acceptable now since lots of people moved home during the recession so its not as weird".

Now I have no intention of ever moving home. But he should move out right? Or am I just old fashioned and have lost touch with what is acceptable in your early 30s?
Click to expand...

guys get a pass till age 24.
shame starts at age 25
 
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