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how much longer can the illogical idealism and prison guards box me in?

A

Anarchist420

Diamond Member
I just lost (at least on facebook) the last friend who was a licensed professional who gave suggestions that were often very authoritative yet very logical, grounded in reality, that my mom dismissed as nuts, and that my dad couldn't support... he's a counselor for people on the autism spectrum as of whom I saw on and off from late summer '09 to shortly before i was kidnapped from tidewater virginia and moved by my stupid and evil parents.

it is unfortunate that the move was to the most bureaucratic non-earthly county in America and that going through the downtown area of a national crime capital is on the way back to the natural ever lovely home that i will always (but not just i) know as Good News (I HATE whenever i see or hear it referred to as "Bad Newz").

What do I do? I want to soon start residing primarily in Good News again and to live a long happy life there. but I am worried that may not be possible because the anti-psychotic didn't leave my system as of when i was put on luvox. I have not swallowed any luvox in the past 60 hours or so (nor any anti-psychotic in the past 12 days) yet my vision and cognition are still not at what i know is healthy for me. Insomnia, infrequent or dry dumps, and infrequent urination have sucked despite the very best food and drinks and which are commonly known to be most appropriate in going to the bathroom.

I hope I live the next 60 years, but I don't expect to live for another 8 months.
 
Sorry that the anti-psychotics did not help. I wish you a long and healthy future. I hope you find a good psychiatrist that you can work with, maybe maybe there is a middle ground where you can be grounded in reality but not feel like a prisoner.
 
The way the OP has "progressed" here over the years, I foresee somplace like this in his future:

psychiarticcenter.jpg
 
i thought that this was going to blow in my ape face as i am not smart; i am not autistic, i am simply compulsive, moralistic, innocent and mediocre at best, and a delusional evil retard at worst. i look like an arab as my mtdna hg is H5. it is true that those with mtDNA superhaplogroup u love me but i am too damn stupid, short of stature, unoriginal, dark, hairy, and outright macho for evan rachel wood to want me to conceive a child for us in her. for the whole day now i have felt my eyes were about to rain. my mom gives me sensory issues every time i am about to fall asleep. my dad knew i couldn't live independently.

the only good drugs i have ever had are attivan and xanax. they don't make me run around like a mindless idiot like all the others made me do even worse than no drugs at all.

i am thinking about just drinking red wine assortments and st. pauli's so i can just sleep since attivan and xanax are hard to acquire.

i don't want to live anymore. i know the world will be a better place without me. there is nothing i can do for anyone else or myself.

i guess am sorry for the shit i've done to myself and everyone else. i won't be surprised if this is the end of my AT posting privileges.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

"hell and damnation, that's it for me"; basically, my dreams have subsided and i doubt they will ever come back
 
Are you in withdrawal (reason I ask is that you said you haven't had any of your psych med in 12 days)? That can be rough and dangerous, been there done that. Best of luck and I hope all gets better. 🙂
 
I used to respect you OP, you brought a different perspective to conversations.

But going off your meds without having a plan of action?

No.


Get back with a psychiatrist immediately!
 
UglyCasanova said:
Are you in withdrawal (reason I ask is that you said you haven't had any of your psych med in 12 days)? That can be rough and dangerous, been there done that. Best of luck and I hope all gets better.
Click to expand...
Thanks so much🙂 I know the toxins still haven't washed out of my system because my vision is scrambled and i am not thinking well at all; i feel dreamy and depressed able to do nothing other than to sit at my computer, lay in bed, eat, drink, and go the bathroom (i feel constipated like i did before i started the luvox). I have been falling to sleep on and off during the day and night and that's not healthy.

DixyCrat said:
I used to respect you OP, you brought a different perspective to conversations. But going off your meds without having a plan of action? No. Get back with a psychiatrist immediately!
Click to expand...
well, i hope no body trusts you since you order people around; if you had used inductive logic then maybe i could trust you.

I refuse to continue seeing psychiatrists and I have come up with many possible plans.

and FYI the most helpful people let go and the psychiatrists who made me least comfortable didn't prescribe what i requested them not to. In fact, the most recent outpatient one i saw is an INTP and he let me go without prescribing me anything. and the icing on that wonderful cupcake was when i was walking out the door and i said "maybe there are no solutions for me. but i don't really know" then he swiftly and very politely replied "we may not always know what they are but there will always be solutions... for you" at the same time he saw my had dropped his cell phone under the couch. he asked my dad to pick it up, but my dad didn't know even know what the psychiatrist was talking about so he picked up and handed my dad's cell phone to him

And y'know what, I had told my parents the first day of the 2 weeks before they scheduled the appt and then several more times until the appt, that he wasn't going to prescribe me anything if i told him I couldn't benefit from it; he didn't recommend anything in particular as i told him i couldn't take the shit anymore. Then a few days later I demanded my parents take me to the ER hoping that i would see a doctor that would outright say the anti-psychotics, lithium, and depakote were of no benefit to me; all just to prove to those tyrants that there is an MD who didn't believe .

And it turned out exactly as i expected even though that doctor ordered the dose of haldol on the third night of the nearly 10 day stay which is still corrupting my brain and my body due to the luvox he started the fourth night... unless it is something in my parents' condo or Henrico that is dulling me. Parents are very dulled themselves and i am worried that i'll die, that i'll be killed, or that i'll be wounded before I can move back to coastal VA to live the life i have always wanted to but have been denied up until now.
 
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I think you would benefit very much from taking up a sport. There are these fitness courses that you can do that are similar in boxing training. So you do not have to get into the ring and fight someone but you can punch your frustrations out on the punching bag. It will also improve your daily rhythm because you are exercising, burning calories. 🙂 I think what would help you a lot is a regular agenda to live by.

Get a rhythm :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQJVoS3SlX0

When you have a daily regular live, you can focus more on how you feel and try to control it. It is not easy. It takes months of effort but it will happen if you really want it. You may never get meds free but at least with a lower dose and active live you can enjoy life more doing what you like. (assuming you have healthy hobbies 🙂 ).

Stop worrying about the world. Get more egoistic. There is no use in knowing what is best for the world if you have to worry about yourself.
 
Every once and awhile I actually read these threads and feel compassion, but not this time. This guy just needs permanent inpatient psychiatric care (at least an extended stay). He clearly has a significantly altered perception of reality. De-institutionalization was not the answer.
 
Anarchist420 said:
Thanks so much🙂 I know the toxins still haven't washed out of my system because my vision is scrambled and i am not thinking well at all; i feel dreamy and depressed able to do nothing other than to sit at my computer, lay in bed, eat, drink, and go the bathroom (i feel constipated like i did before i started the luvox). I have been falling to sleep on and off during the day and night and that's not healthy.

well, i hope no body trusts you since you order people around; if you had used inductive logic then maybe i could trust you.

I refuse to continue seeing psychiatrists and I have come up with many possible plans.

and FYI the most helpful people let go and the psychiatrists who made me least comfortable didn't prescribe what i requested them not to. In fact, the most recent outpatient one i saw is an INTP and he let me go without prescribing me anything. and the icing on that wonderful cupcake was when i was walking out the door and i said "maybe there are no solutions for me. but i don't really know" then he swiftly and very politely replied "we may not always know what they are but there will always be solutions... for you" at the same time he saw my had dropped his cell phone under the couch. he asked my dad to pick it up, but my dad didn't know even know what the psychiatrist was talking about so he picked up and handed my dad's cell phone to him

And y'know what, I had told my parents the first day of the 2 weeks before they scheduled the appt and then several more times until the appt, that he wasn't going to prescribe me anything if i told him I couldn't benefit from it; he didn't recommend anything in particular as i told him i couldn't take the shit anymore. Then a few days later I demanded my parents take me to the ER hoping that i would see a doctor that would outright say the anti-psychotics, lithium, and depakote were of no benefit to me; all just to prove to those tyrants that there is an MD who didn't believe .

And it turned out exactly as i expected even though that doctor ordered the dose of haldol on the third night of the nearly 10 day stay which is still corrupting my brain and my body due to the luvox he started the fourth night... unless it is something in my parents' condo or Henrico that is dulling me. Parents are very dulled themselves and i am worried that i'll die, that i'll be killed, or that i'll be wounded before I can move back to coastal VA to live the life i have always wanted to but have been denied up until now.
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You need help. You're scattered, nearly incoherent. The fixation you have with DNA tags and personalty types isn't helping you either. Forget that crap, find someone that will work with you, and quit trying to second guess them.
I assume your parents made you come home because wherever you were wasn't doing you any good. They may be evil as you say, but my guess is they see themselves as trying to do the best they can for you.

This isn't a good place for you to be either, too many people are going to be callous and outright hostile. It's just the nature of the web, everyone gets to be an alpha male and losses sight of the damage their comments can do to others.

I hope you find the answers you need, and the help you need.
 
TheVrolok said:
Every once and awhile I actually read these threads and feel compassion, but not this time. This guy just needs permanent inpatient psychiatric care (at least an extended stay). He clearly has a significantly altered perception of reality. De-institutionalization was not the answer.
Click to expand...

Yep. Honestly, I feel the worst for his parents. It must be heartbreaking to see something like this happen to their child and probably have no idea what to do. At least he's in his own reality bubble that his mind created. This isn't going to end well.
 
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Greenman said:
You need help. You're scattered, nearly incoherent. The fixation you have with DNA tags and personalty types isn't helping you either. Forget that crap, find someone that will work with you, and quit trying to second guess them.
I assume your parents made you come home because wherever you were wasn't doing you any good. They may be evil as you say, but my guess is they see themselves as trying to do the best they can for you.

This isn't a good place for you to be either, too many people are going to be callous and outright hostile. It's just the nature of the web, everyone gets to be an alpha male and losses sight of the damage their comments can do to others.

I hope you find the answers you need, and the help you need.
Click to expand...

Couldn't agree more...I do hope you find effective help- what ever that may be...
 
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