How much does your significant other restrict your time/activities?

[vi edit]

This topic came to light the other day when I was seeing if a friend of mine wanted to come over for a couple hours for some lan action. He's 24, and engaged to be married next February. He lives with his fiancee.

Anyway to cut to the story, his fiancee told him that he couldn't come over because she wanted him to stay home with her. That's not too bad, except that it's happend several times now.

It's not an isolated incident. I've got another friend who's 21 and engaged to be married, and his wife to be also prohibits him from doing things with his friends because she wants him to spend time with her. They don't live together, but they live within a 10 minute drive of one another.

In my relationship, no one person has any say over the others activities. We like to know what the other one is doing, and when they'll be back, but other than that, I've never had my girlfriend say "no you can't go over to Matt's house tonight".

To me, this isn't being a wife/girlfriend, it's being a mother. "I'm sorry, little Bradley can't come over, he has to clean up his room".

Any other unfortunate souls out there in the same situation as my friends?

 

[FettsBabe]

Psycho and I do things together, and when we visit friends we do it together. But then again, we both want to be together. I think thats the key.

 

[Total Refected Power]

We don't restrict each others time much at all. Especially when we are not in our work routine. Often my wife will spend 1/2 the day with her sister while I am off doing my thing. But we do spend a lot of time together as well. It's a healthy balance.

If this person just wants to control him then this is the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

 

[snakesnfrogs]

sounds like both of those guys are headed for disaster---if their wives-to-be are that "clingy" there's gonna be trouble when the guys finally get enough of it.

 

[kassy]

We dont, but we have an unusual situation, I don't really know anyone in this country and because I work from home the chances of that changing in the near future arent likely to improve.

The thing that really puts a hole in my boat when I read about stuff like this is the 'shes controlling' sh*t, what the hell happened to his balls ? If he can't say NO then he is just as much to blame if not MORE to blame than she is.

 

[vi edit]

snakesnfrogs, believe me, I've tried bringing this to light, but it doesn't go over too well. They are sort of in denial about it

FettsBabe, that's AWESOME that you and psycho have similar interests. My girlfriend and I do a lot of things together as well. Lan parties are about the only thing she doesn't have a *ton* of interest in. But, ever once in a while she'll hop in a game of Diablo II or Age of Empires 2 with us. My friends aren't so lucky though. Their fiancee's don't share the same computer interests and don't understand how entertaining multiplayer computer gaming can be for us easily entertained men

Know of anyway to boost a guy's esteem and let him know that he's getting himself into some trouble without even have said "I Do" yet?

 

[Emulex]

yah sometimes i have to get off my computer and do stuff like sex for the gf.

 

[Vikaden]

<< &quot;I'm sorry, little Bradley can't come over, he has to clean up his room&quot;. >>



you whats really freaky? thats my first name, i still live at home and thats all i hear all day &quot;clean your room&quot;. that just struck me as odd

 

[Adul]

Was that way with my first girlfriend after a while. We tried to work it out, but ti was a moot point. I broke it off when she cheated on me twice. :|

I think it comes down to that the significant other is either afraid of loosing their mate and/or insecure about themselves that they need to constant attention. While I love to give my wife attention(My wife and I have a unique sitaution for the time being. ), when we are together finaly, I will still respect her freedom to go out and do things and not expect her to be by my side always, and the same goes for her. Though my poor friend has a wife that is very clingy. She know she is, and tries not to be. But she still does it. =\

 

[RSI]

Controlliveness is bad.

 

[FettsBabe]

The girls could be worried that his buddies will try to talk him out of marriage. If thats the case he needs to talk with them and let them know that it won't happen. However, if they are just jealous stupid girls then he needs to (as Russ would say) Run, Run Fast, Run Far, Don't Look Back!

 

[bunker]

<< The thing that really puts a hole in my boat when I read about stuff like this is the 'shes controlling' sh*t, what the hell happened to his balls ? If he can't say NO then he is just as much to blame if not MORE to blame than she is. >>



It's called keeping the peace. My wife occasionally asks me to get off the computer to spend time with her. Even if I'm in the middle of a frag fest kicking butt I get off to spend time with her. Why? Because I don't want to have to hear about it for the next month. Same thing applies here.

 

[kassy]

bunker - I see what you are saying, but IMHO if keeping the peace means constantly putting your need for personal time and space on the backburner then its time to stand up and be counted....

Edit - as a side note in the intial stages of my first married, the husband used to say to his friends 'she wont let me go', he would then after the fact tell me about it, I would ask why he didnt go, because I didnt care either way, and he would say 'because I didnt want to and you are a good excuse.'

 

[Yeeny]

My husband used to be very clingy. (See, its not only women that are that way. ) But there are other ways to work it out, besides fighting. I kind of pushed my hubby to go out without me, go visit friends, join the local Fire Dept. Now I can't keep him home, he is always off doing something somewhere.

 

[Electric Amish]

My wife will rarely ever say, &quot;NO, you can't go.&quot;, but she can get pissy sometimes when I spend all my weekend time with the guys.

I try to even it out. Spend some time with her, spend some time with the guys. Try and make everyone happy, ya' know.

The hard part is that she never feels well, so if I stay home with her we usually just sit around and watch tv.

amish

 

[BigSmooth]

My GF is not into gaming at all, but she doesn't mind when I go &quot;dork out&quot; with my friends at a LAN party. She likes me to purge the dorkiness from my system.

 

[vi edit]

Hehe, &quot;dork out&quot; .

We have GOD...Gathering of Dorks

 

[monk3y]

I haven't had this problem yet. I'm in a pretty weird relationship right now (with my best friend) and any time we decide to go anywhere we do it together. I can't get enough of her and i think we both feel the same way. Part of it might be the fact that we're both in college and have pretty much the same friends.

All in all i don't think it matters if one partner restricts the other's time as long as the other doesn't mind. Sure it may affect your friendship with him, but if he's happy to stay at home, its a sacrifice he's taking for true love If it is bothering him, i think they need to talk about it and i'm sure they'll be able to find some comprimise on the matter.

 

[DannyLove]

so far, i've never had that problem with my cutie.
we understand that we have and need our own space and time sometimes.

danny~!

 

[bigd480]

i've learned to deal and try to balance it... i'm engaged now and she's not &quot;clingy&quot; per se, and she never says I can't do anything, and she never overtly guilt-trips me, but then every once in a while out of nowhere she busts out with something crazy like &quot;do you hate spending time with me&quot;, &quot;we never do anything any more&quot; etc etc etc...

it makes me bang the wall w/ my head, but it's part of life... when you're in relationships u make sacrifices... at least the time i spend w/ her is better than time i spend w/ anyone else and she's not &quot;controlling&quot; in that she doesn't tell me what to do, she's just really sensitive...

weigh the +'s and -'s of your g/f and usually end up w/ a lot more +'s, we just tend to focus on -'s cuz we're spoiled =)

 

[Isla]

Vi, the Mister and I are more like you and Visgf.

Mind you, it wasn't always this way... the Mister did try to fence me in for years, even trying to dictate what I thought about, listened to, and read. He was threatened by anything that was not 'of him'... and he wanted nothing more than for me to become like him, liking all the same things and agreeing with all his opinions. it finally got to the point that I almost forgot who I was, until someone reminded me.

I think that a lot of it has to do with insecurities and control issues... I am so glad that I am 'allowed' to be me again! In fact, everyone who has known me from before I met the Mister was relieved... they missed the old Isla and figured I was temporarily brain washed (I was!). I'm a free spirit, not a Stepford Wife... and the Mister has learned that it's a lot more fun with me this way.

While I think couples should spend time with each other, as someone else mentioned, a healthy balance must be there or there will be trouble, sooner or later.

 

[Aceman]

I try to push my wife out the door to do things without me and with others. She's one that would rather be alone and by herself. I on the otherhand, since moving back to my old stomping grounds, am always going out. I've always asked the wife if she minds and she's never had a problem with me going out with old friends (male or female).... Well except when I went out with old college roommates and drank too much.