When it comes to a real relationship. One that is primarily based on a strong appreciateon of one anothers intellect, conversation, and just plain comfort in company. How much do looks factor in ? If you found yourself EXTRMELY happy with a person, and had spent years as friends, and were so comfotrable together that you felt like you could spend the rest of your life with this person. Would the fact that you simply were NOT as physically attracted to them as they were to you, and even worse, if you still harbored major physical attraction to another group of people based on a physical type that appealed to you, would you look past this ? As far as the bedroom fun is concerned, can you learn to appreciate someones physical makeup ? I know that beauty is only skin deep. I can love inner beauty for a lifetime. But when it comes to getting naked and doing the 'mambo jambo', do you just learn to appreciate your partner's physical makeup, even if you aren't necessarily excited by it ?
How Important are Looks ?
- Thread starter polm
- Start date
Very important. I want to be able to look at her and have my breath taken away, even if we are fighting. I will post some bikini pics of her soon and you will see what I mean!
It's the "bait", but it's not what sustains the relationship
But what if you were baited by personality. Let's say you have developed a more meaningful relationship than you could ever expect to have with someone else. Yet, still you are not very physically attraceted to the person. Would it work ?
But what if you were baited by personality. Let's say you have developed a more meaningful relationship than you could ever expect to have with someone else. Yet, still you are not very physically attraceted to the person. Would it work ?
I have to find my partner at least attractive, she doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous but I have to be physically attracted to her.. Otherwise it's just like being friends.. Honestly, my gf is like a REALLY good friend who I love everything about, loving being around, AND love looking at
looks are important to a degree. You need to think of it as going both ways. My rule of thumb is stick with someone who's at the same attraction level as me. If they find me attractive and I find them attractive then I go for it. I don't try to "make" someone attracted to me. Its either there or it isn't.
The thing you gotta remember when going for something longterm is, looks fade. Even the hottest woman on earth will eventually become old and unattractive. Not only that, fooling around with someone in the bedroom just because they are attractive loses appeal too. Thats when you have to do things to keep it interesting.
I guess the bottom line is, its good to have the physical attraction at first. But it should be a building block, not a pillar that holds up the relationship.
The thing you gotta remember when going for something longterm is, looks fade. Even the hottest woman on earth will eventually become old and unattractive. Not only that, fooling around with someone in the bedroom just because they are attractive loses appeal too. Thats when you have to do things to keep it interesting.
I guess the bottom line is, its good to have the physical attraction at first. But it should be a building block, not a pillar that holds up the relationship.
geno
Lifer
- Dec 26, 1999
- 25,074
- 4
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<< But what if you were baited by personality. >>
I am...
<< Yet, still you are not very physically attraceted to the person. Would it work ? >>
Of course, like I said - physical attraction isn't what sustains the relationship, it's the personalities, companionship, love, etc. that keeps it going, the more important things.
I personally could never be with someone *I* found ugly, however, whether or not they're considered universally attractive is of no concern to me.
As someone else said, if you're not at all attracted to them, it's just a friend. I like the personalities of my friends, but I'm sure as hell not attracted to them.
As someone else said, if you're not at all attracted to them, it's just a friend. I like the personalities of my friends, but I'm sure as hell not attracted to them.
The way a girl looks is the first impression you get of her. Though looks are not important in the long run, you wouldn't be attracted to her in the first place if she wasn't good looking to you.
IMO, as long as the girl looks ok, it's cool.
IMO, as long as the girl looks ok, it's cool.
it is a main factor but not the most important. I've met a girl that I did not find very attractive at all but after spending some with her and getting to know her she is by far the most attractive person i know.
I always felt content when I knew other guys were checking out my girlfriend when I was out in public with her. It also helps when your friends meet her and afterward they say "WHERE IN THE HELL DID YOU FIND HER, DOES SHE HAVE FRIENDS, WHOA MOMMA."
Heh.
Heh.
Not very.
20..30..40.. years from now none of the girls who are cute now still will be.
If I'm walking along a street or in a bar the cute ones are more likely to grab my attention, but I'm the kind of person that wants to be good friends with a girl before I date her/sleep with her etc.
So even as priamry bait it's not that important to me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm as much a pig as any guy, I get whiplash walking around downtown on a hot sunny day. But really when you look for someone you'd want for a long-term partner you have to consider the future, and very very few women (or men for that matter) keep everything firm, trim and perky when they are 50, but when I'm 50 I'll still want someone who I enjoy being around and can spend time with, and have fun with, etc etc (one of the reasons I want a good solid friendship before dating/sex etc).
I love to look at all the nice girls, but for someone I was planning to spend a significant amount of time with, looks are not very important to me. I wouldn't complain if I had a cute woman, but I wouldn't complain if she was less attractive either. See the thing is I don't give a piece of hamster poo what anyone else thinks of the girl I'm dating, I should find her attractive, but I will. As they say love is blind, the girl I'm attracted to now is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Most people think she's Ok, but wouldn't go that far. Love is very blind.
I'll still go "bird" watching in the park either way anyhow
20..30..40.. years from now none of the girls who are cute now still will be.
If I'm walking along a street or in a bar the cute ones are more likely to grab my attention, but I'm the kind of person that wants to be good friends with a girl before I date her/sleep with her etc.
So even as priamry bait it's not that important to me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm as much a pig as any guy, I get whiplash walking around downtown on a hot sunny day
. But really when you look for someone you'd want for a long-term partner you have to consider the future, and very very few women (or men for that matter) keep everything firm, trim and perky when they are 50, but when I'm 50 I'll still want someone who I enjoy being around and can spend time with, and have fun with, etc etc (one of the reasons I want a good solid friendship before dating/sex etc).I love to look at all the nice girls, but for someone I was planning to spend a significant amount of time with, looks are not very important to me. I wouldn't complain if I had a cute woman, but I wouldn't complain if she was less attractive either. See the thing is I don't give a piece of hamster poo what anyone else thinks of the girl I'm dating, I should find her attractive, but I will. As they say love is blind, the girl I'm attracted to now is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Most people think she's Ok, but wouldn't go that far. Love is very blind.
I'll still go "bird" watching in the park either way anyhow
I agree with the afforementioned statement about looks being like bait, but not sustaining the relationship. I fell in love with my girlfriend because I could talk to her for hours on end. We are both very sharp and witty people so it's a blast talking to her and laughing away. But initially, damn, I just thought she was the hottest thing ever. I don't really like it when other guys gawk at my girlfriend, however. But I'm pretty sure they are only looking because either they can't figure out HOW I got with her, or because she is of a different ethnicity.
it matters, but its not the most important thing. no she dosnt have to be the skinniest thing, but if snes not but still looks good (not talking about fat or whatever) its ok with me...
its the most important thing.
Anyone who says differently is kidding themselves IMHO.
You cant date someone you're not attracted too...period.
Anyone who says differently is kidding themselves IMHO.
You cant date someone you're not attracted too...period.
Looks aren't important to me. I'm so horny I can f*ck just about anything so looks don't mean much to me just as long as my penis is happy.
<< looks are important to a degree. You need to think of it as going both ways. My rule of thumb is stick with someone who's at the same attraction level as me. >>
Exactly how do you determine this? Exactly how do I know whom is at the same attraction level? Personally I have no idea.
depends on how shallow you are - for some ppl looks are "really important" - just like it's "really important" for some ppl what others think of them, or what clothes they wear, etc.
you can be attracted to someone if you have a great relationship with them, as u described, just like u can grow unattracted to an attractive person if their personality sucks...
my fiancee and i grew attracted in a similar manner to what you described... and for example her sister is a friend of mine who i grew up with and she's very attractive but i'd sooner jump off a cliff than marry her because we're just not compatible in the ways that count - personality and whatnot...
as for being attracted to others, that's always gonna happen... u could be married to Madonna or Britney or whoever u think is all that and still check out every other fine chick that walks by, as would most guys... but when u talk about marriage the bottom line is how happy u are with the person... period.
the physical stuff: depends on the people's attitudes not what they look like... as long as you love each other and have no sexual hangups u will probably be as compatible as two dogs in heat... and you won't have to worry about being left for a better looking guy if she loves you and not your looks...
think about how many ppl marry ppl they're not compatible with because of loox and then a few later when their wife gets old/unattractive in any way they're screwed - either get divorced or be miserable cuz they made the wrong decision... u ask for shallow fleeting things you get shallow fleeting things...
you can be attracted to someone if you have a great relationship with them, as u described, just like u can grow unattracted to an attractive person if their personality sucks...
my fiancee and i grew attracted in a similar manner to what you described... and for example her sister is a friend of mine who i grew up with and she's very attractive but i'd sooner jump off a cliff than marry her because we're just not compatible in the ways that count - personality and whatnot...
as for being attracted to others, that's always gonna happen... u could be married to Madonna or Britney or whoever u think is all that and still check out every other fine chick that walks by, as would most guys... but when u talk about marriage the bottom line is how happy u are with the person... period.
the physical stuff: depends on the people's attitudes not what they look like... as long as you love each other and have no sexual hangups u will probably be as compatible as two dogs in heat... and you won't have to worry about being left for a better looking guy if she loves you and not your looks...
think about how many ppl marry ppl they're not compatible with because of loox and then a few later when their wife gets old/unattractive in any way they're screwed - either get divorced or be miserable cuz they made the wrong decision... u ask for shallow fleeting things you get shallow fleeting things...
Yep, I have no problem dating a woman that looks like a wildebeast with elephantitis and a fungal infection.
As long as she's a nice person.
As long as she's a nice person.
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