How important appearances are in a relationship

[skywalker66]

The other day some people were trying to tell me that physical appearances really werent that important in a relationship, and that I could marry a woman that is obese and physically repulsive, that society deems as ugly, and that I could still be attracted to her and love her. (maybe I could, but only if she was one of the the last people on earth)

Okay, call me a skeptic, but here is what I think, a little analogy about appearances:

I think that women are kind of like apples. If you see one that looks kind of gross on the outside, granted it might taste a little better than expected on the inside but it still wont taste that good.

In other words, personality helps some, but it can't turn a beast into a cinderella. you get what im saying?

 

[shuan24]

I think the moral of the story is that a shiny-ass apple may not be so sweet, while a duller (sp?) looking one may be sweet as hell. I guess it all depends on your taste-buds!

 

[notfred]

They aren't THAT important, but there has to be a physical attraction there or it won't work. You're not going to be able to marry someone you find repulsive and be happy, but you'll probably be able to marry someone who's a 6 out of 10 and be happy. You don't need a supermodel.

 

[conjur]

We kinda did this a while ago:

http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview.cfm?catid=38&threadid=1154290&FTVAR_MSGDBTABLE=arc

But, looks will get you in the door. It's a person's intelligence, attitude, personality, etc. that determines if it lasts or not.

 

[amcdonald]

physical attraction is necessary.

 

[TheKub]

Cant judge a book by its cover. However, I agree with you but apperance should not be the only reason you have a relationship with someone.

 

The way I see it is physical apparence gets you interested in the first place (most of the time.) After that, it takes personality and physical appearance becomes less and less important. With my current girlfriend, I find her sexually attractive, but its what we do together and how we converse that keeps us with each other. If she began to get heavier, i would try to make her watch her weight (if thats what she wished) but in no way would I break up with her over it. Its who she is, and who she will become. I accept her for that.

 

[WinkOsmosis]

Why would you marry someone you aren't attracted to?

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: notfred
They aren't THAT important, but there has to be a physical attraction there or it won't work. You're not going to be able to marry someone you find repulsive and be happy, but you'll probably be able to marry someone who's a 6 out of 10 and be happy. You don't need a supermodel.

so now then honestly... how should ugly people get married then?

 

[gistech1978]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: notfred
They aren't THAT important, but there has to be a physical attraction there or it won't work. You're not going to be able to marry someone you find repulsive and be happy, but you'll probably be able to marry someone who's a 6 out of 10 and be happy. You don't need a supermodel.

so now then honestly... how should ugly people get married then?

they find an 'ugly' partner?
beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: notfred
They aren't THAT important, but there has to be a physical attraction there or it won't work. You're not going to be able to marry someone you find repulsive and be happy, but you'll probably be able to marry someone who's a 6 out of 10 and be happy. You don't need a supermodel.

so now then honestly... how should ugly people get married then?

On the Springer show?

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: shuan24
I think the moral of the story is that a shiny-ass apple may not be so sweet, while a duller (sp?) looking one may be sweet as hell. I guess it all depends on your taste-buds!

hmmm... maybe my analogy would have worked better with 'ripe bananas'

I guess what I'm trying to do, is to find an example where appearances are part of the taste, which is the way that I think it is in life.

For example... I am pretty decent friends with a few ugly girls, ones that are overweight and that I really dont think I would date in the near future. They both have great personalities for what it counts, but lets face it, IM JUST NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM.

 

[caitlion]

i think that looks are important, but only so that there is some physical attraction. otherwise the relationship wont work. but just because 'society' says that one person is ugly, that does not mean that someone else might not find them irresistable. so appearances ARE important, but only the two people involved have opinions that matter. if that makes sense.

 

[TommyVercetti]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: notfred
They aren't THAT important, but there has to be a physical attraction there or it won't work. You're not going to be able to marry someone you find repulsive and be happy, but you'll probably be able to marry someone who's a 6 out of 10 and be happy. You don't need a supermodel.

so now then honestly... how should ugly people get married then?

They lower their standards and find someone more inline with what they have to offer.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: gistech1978

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: notfred
They aren't THAT important, but there has to be a physical attraction there or it won't work. You're not going to be able to marry someone you find repulsive and be happy, but you'll probably be able to marry someone who's a 6 out of 10 and be happy. You don't need a supermodel.

so now then honestly... how should ugly people get married then?

they find an 'ugly' partner?
beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

okay, first off beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder, or at least not entirely. This was proved in another thread:

http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview.cfm?catid=38&threadid=1245327&FTVAR_MSGDBTABLE=

as far as your ugly can date the ugly comment tho, i agree with that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I see it like this: you should try to go for a girl thats attractive, but if you cant then you should take what you can get.

Some girl tried to tell me that this was the wrong attitude to have, and that if I married a girl who was "below my original standards" then I would never be happy, and that she would be unhappy as well.

but i disagree. i would rather go with the 'some is better than none' philosophy, and like all things in life, you should try to find the better route first, but if such a one is not available, take what you can get. (or you can just not get married)

I dont think that it is at all harsh or shallow to adopt this principle to men and women.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: caitlion
i think that looks are important, but only so that there is some physical attraction. otherwise the relationship wont work. but just because 'society' says that one person is ugly, that does not mean that someone else might not find them irresistable. so appearances ARE important, but only the two people involved have opinions that matter. if that makes sense.

granted.. i found ugly women to be attractive, getting a woman in my life would be a lot easier...

but clearly this is not the case, and i dont think I can make it the case either.

But I do agree that in the end it is the two people's opinions that count...

 

[spidey07]

I couldn't imagine being with someone who wasn't attractive. I mean really, do you want to come home everyday and wakeup everymorning to someone who you don't find attractive?

Talk about settling.

 

[caitlion]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: caitlion
i think that looks are important, but only so that there is some physical attraction. otherwise the relationship wont work. but just because 'society' says that one person is ugly, that does not mean that someone else might not find them irresistable. so appearances ARE important, but only the two people involved have opinions that matter. if that makes sense.

granted.. i found ugly women to be attractive, getting a woman in my life would be a lot easier...

but clearly this is not the case, and i dont think I can make it the case either.

But I do agree that in the end it is the two people's opinions that count...

well for example, i have liked quite a few guys that everyone around me have thought were ugly, or at least not attractive. i thought they were pretty hot, though. its just different tastes and personalities can also make you a lot more attracted (or unattracted) to someone.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: amcdonald
physical attraction is necessary.

Quoted for truth.

- M4H

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: caitlion

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: caitlion
i think that looks are important, but only so that there is some physical attraction. otherwise the relationship wont work. but just because 'society' says that one person is ugly, that does not mean that someone else might not find them irresistable. so appearances ARE important, but only the two people involved have opinions that matter. if that makes sense.

granted.. i found ugly women to be attractive, getting a woman in my life would be a lot easier...

but clearly this is not the case, and i dont think I can make it the case either.

But I do agree that in the end it is the two people's opinions that count...

well for example, i have liked quite a few guys that everyone around me have thought were ugly, or at least not attractive. i thought they were pretty hot, though. its just different tastes and personalities can also make you a lot more attracted (or unattracted) to someone.

True.

I'm just saying it would take a LOT of personality and a LOT of other good things about her in order for me to date a woman who was say 300 lbs.
And infact I can't even imagine ANYONE having THAT good a personality, to balance something as rough as that.
call me a skeptic.

 

[TommyVercetti]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: caitlion

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: caitlion
i think that looks are important, but only so that there is some physical attraction. otherwise the relationship wont work. but just because 'society' says that one person is ugly, that does not mean that someone else might not find them irresistable. so appearances ARE important, but only the two people involved have opinions that matter. if that makes sense.

granted.. i found ugly women to be attractive, getting a woman in my life would be a lot easier...

but clearly this is not the case, and i dont think I can make it the case either.

But I do agree that in the end it is the two people's opinions that count...

well for example, i have liked quite a few guys that everyone around me have thought were ugly, or at least not attractive. i thought they were pretty hot, though. its just different tastes and personalities can also make you a lot more attracted (or unattracted) to someone.

True.

I'm just saying it would take a LOT of personality and a LOT of other good things about her in order for me to date a woman who was say 300 lbs.
And infact I can't even imagine ANYONE having THAT good a personality, to balance something as rough as that.
call me a skeptic.

Would you date her?

Pic - Work Safe

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: caitlion

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: caitlion
i think that looks are important, but only so that there is some physical attraction. otherwise the relationship wont work. but just because 'society' says that one person is ugly, that does not mean that someone else might not find them irresistable. so appearances ARE important, but only the two people involved have opinions that matter. if that makes sense.

granted.. i found ugly women to be attractive, getting a woman in my life would be a lot easier...

but clearly this is not the case, and i dont think I can make it the case either.

But I do agree that in the end it is the two people's opinions that count...

well for example, i have liked quite a few guys that everyone around me have thought were ugly, or at least not attractive. i thought they were pretty hot, though. its just different tastes and personalities can also make you a lot more attracted (or unattracted) to someone.

True.

I'm just saying it would take a LOT of personality and a LOT of other good things about her in order for me to date a woman who was say 300 lbs.
And infact I can't even imagine ANYONE having THAT good a personality, to balance something as rough as that.
call me a skeptic.

Would you date her?

Pic - Work Safe

Given that it's sourced from "linux-mag.com" no

- M4H

 

[Lonyo]

Dull apple = average person. Might be nice on inside. Can't judge book by cover etc.
Shiny apple = hot person. Very attractive, may be nice on inside.
Rotten/rotting/bad apple = ugly person. Who cares what's on the inside when you're not going to go near it anyway. It's fugly on the outside, that's enough.

 

[PatboyX]

i think someone becomes more physically attractive to you depending on how you two work together on a more emotional/intellectual level.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: Lonyo
Dull apple = average person. Might be nice on inside. Can't judge book by cover etc.
Shiny apple = hot person. Very attractive, may be nice on inside.
Rotten/rotting/bad apple = ugly person. Who cares what's on the inside when you're not going to go near it anyway. It's fugly on the outside, that's enough.

you forgot...
some apples look good on the outside but have rotten spots on the inside (aka pretty girl who is a b:tch)


but other than that I think you wonderfully described it.

and also note that although some apples may not be very tasty, they are still eddible (aka ugly woman with good personality)

and then there are some apples that look bad, and when you bite into them, they are just sick (ugly women with bad personality)