I find myself having a hard time keeping a conversation flowing at work. In fact, most of the time when I'm in a group I'm usually just standing and listening instead of contributing to the conversation. It's coming to a point where it's really bothering me. How does one become more articulate and witty in everyday conversations? One of the managers is extremely witty and can talk about anything but I just can't seem to find that flow. Anyone recommend any good books or decent advice? thanks.
how does one improve/develop good communication skills?
- Thread starter vital
- Start date
practice and confidence...
Sounds like you're worried about saying something stupid...so you just don't contribute.
Sounds like you're worried about saying something stupid...so you just don't contribute.
Just start talking to random people about random crap. I don't mean stop someone in the street and ask about the weather, but rather people sitting at the bar, etc.
The reason you want to talk to people you don't know is that you don't have to worry about saying something stupid. The more you talk, the better you'll be at it.
The reason you want to talk to people you don't know is that you don't have to worry about saying something stupid. The more you talk, the better you'll be at it.
Good luck. Had some mofos at old job say that he (me) "avoids conversation". I have no problem talking to people I know, but if I see you once a day for 20 seconds, wtf do you want, you're a stranger.
Practice, practice, practice. To be interesting to others you must engage others; you must also be willing to take risks and endure the awkward moments that come with stilted conversations. I've had more awkward conversations than I care to remember; however, I don't regret them, because each one that I endure reminds me of the successes I have had and will have.
I have always found it helpful during conversations to think of the flow as a decision tree with nodes that are conversation points. Each time a new topic or a new fact gets brought up ("Well, my wife grew up in Tulsa."), I make it a point to turn that fact into a follow-up question or an observation ("Oh, man, I can't imagine she misses the Oklahoma winters! When did she move to Atlanta?"). Sometimes it's banal, sometimes you miss, but it's worked well for me so far.
I have always found it helpful during conversations to think of the flow as a decision tree with nodes that are conversation points. Each time a new topic or a new fact gets brought up ("Well, my wife grew up in Tulsa."), I make it a point to turn that fact into a follow-up question or an observation ("Oh, man, I can't imagine she misses the Oklahoma winters! When did she move to Atlanta?"). Sometimes it's banal, sometimes you miss, but it's worked well for me so far.
I find I have more to talk about when I keep up on current events. Maybe browse Google News a few times a week?
SolMiester
Diamond Member
- Dec 19, 2004
- 5,330
- 17
- 76
I had a psychologist GF & asked her the very same question, as she was incredible at drawing people out.
She just advised me to LISTEN to what people say and ask questions back about what they are saying. The best way to make people like you is to make them thinkyou are interested in them.
Easy for her to say that of course having a natural talent and training, however it did make sense.
I will admit, I'm not the best still to this day.
I alway thought it was best to remain silent and be thought a fool, rather than open ones mouth and remove all doubt!
She just advised me to LISTEN to what people say and ask questions back about what they are saying. The best way to make people like you is to make them thinkyou are interested in them.
Easy for her to say that of course having a natural talent and training, however it did make sense.
I will admit, I'm not the best still to this day.
I alway thought it was best to remain silent and be thought a fool, rather than open ones mouth and remove all doubt!
masterxfob
Diamond Member
- May 20, 2001
- 7,366
- 5
- 81
some people like to hear themselves talk and to sound smart doing it. the only thing you can do is ask them questions or feign interest to keep the conversation going.
angminas
Diamond Member
- Dec 17, 2006
- 3,331
- 26
- 91
It's important to remember that not everybody who talks a lot is a good communicator. You don't want to be like the people who make a lot of noise but don't really say anything. What you say and how you say it will vary by what kind of people you're around and what your purpose is in communicating with them.
There's a self-help book called How To Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding - I recommend it. It approaches the subject from various angles.
One could write books and books on the subject of communication, so don't think there's a quick fix...but if there were one, it would probably be to be confident but humble at the same time. If you can get that down, when and how to talk and when and how to listen will start to flow naturally. You want to express yourself, but allow others their time too. If you don't feel interested, it's going to show, assuming you're not a skillful and shameless opportunist. If you don't feel you have anything to say, maybe you really don't. That probably means you don't have enough passion for what you enjoy, or enough courage to show the passion. Or it means you're hanging around people who talk about X when you are more interested in Y.
There's generally no shame in hanging back - not everyone was meant to talk all the time, and often the people who talk the most are the ones who should talk the least. Study the conversational skills and style of someone you admire. Even ask them how they manage to be like they are around others. A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a closed mouth gathers no feet. Balance in who you spend your time around is at least as important as what you actually say.
There's a self-help book called How To Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding - I recommend it. It approaches the subject from various angles.
One could write books and books on the subject of communication, so don't think there's a quick fix...but if there were one, it would probably be to be confident but humble at the same time. If you can get that down, when and how to talk and when and how to listen will start to flow naturally. You want to express yourself, but allow others their time too. If you don't feel interested, it's going to show, assuming you're not a skillful and shameless opportunist. If you don't feel you have anything to say, maybe you really don't. That probably means you don't have enough passion for what you enjoy, or enough courage to show the passion. Or it means you're hanging around people who talk about X when you are more interested in Y.
There's generally no shame in hanging back - not everyone was meant to talk all the time, and often the people who talk the most are the ones who should talk the least. Study the conversational skills and style of someone you admire. Even ask them how they manage to be like they are around others. A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a closed mouth gathers no feet. Balance in who you spend your time around is at least as important as what you actually say.
Keep a journal. When you hear people say something witty or funny, write it down. Small talk just doesn't come naturally to some people.
Also, ensure you always have something funny to talk about. Listen to talk radio on the way to work or read Reuters' Oddly Enough news...or just check a news website's most emailed section.
Also, practice. That's the only way to get better at anything.
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