Originally posted by: Ameesh
Dear Brittany,
Hi, Brittany! I'm AccruedExpenditure, your next door neighbor. I just moved in last month. I finally got the courage to introduce myself to you. This is often embarrassing, 'cause women tell me that my attempts at love are always hasty. Whatever! I'm 25 years old, I'm 6'1, and I have brown hair and a goatee. I like football, rock music, jet skiing, drinking with my buddies, and our Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ! I have muscles, too.
Please pardon me for saying this, but you're one gorgeous babe! When you walk out to your car every morning leaving for work, I can't help but notice your delicious butt. And also the way your hair swings delicately when you cautiously look over your shoulder at me. By the way, have you been getting the flowers I leave on your doorstep every day?
By the way, Brittany, we've never met, and I bet you're wondering how I know your name. From your phone conversations, I've learned many cool things about you, and you have a fascinating life! How's your job at the doctor's office? Since I saw you there, I've been desperately looking for ways to get sick. And Melissa, the receptionist, tells me that you are the best doctor there! How old is Melissa, anyway? Just wondering. Please tell her that AccruedExpenditure says hello.
What are you doing for Valentine's Day? I know it's eight months away, but I just wanted you to remember that I'm here and we haven't spoken yet. I've been thinking of things to buy you, but it has to be subtle, because we hardly know each other. Do you have any suggestions?
Oh, before I forget - if I may make one teeny tiny request. I noticed that you usually change into your night clothes at about 10:30 p.m.. If you could please change earlier, maybe 8:30 or 9:00, I'd appreciate it. It would be more convenient for me, and I'd still meet my curfew. (And I like your red undies the best!) Hopefully, your husband Vito won't mind my small request.
If you knew me, Brittany, you'd die for me! I'm a great lover. So if you'd care to talk sometime, my phone number is 555-4320. And my chat nickname is AccruedExpendituren8r (like AccruedExpenditurenator). I gotta go now, chickie, so farewell! I look forward to seeing you again and again and again very, very soon.
Your secret admirer,
AccruedExpenditure