How do you separate your morals from your standards?

imported_Papi

Platinum Member
Nov 15, 2002
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I have guy friends who don't have girlfriend or can't find the right girl as they would put it.

They all say they wish they could fins a girl who shares the same morals as they. Someone who hasn't been around the block and back again. Someone who respects herself, who's smart, kind, funny. They say looks aren't an issue, but then proceed to talk about how they picture their dream girl. Looks played a major role in how their dream girl looked!!

^^ did you see the contradiction, or is it just me?

So how do you guys separate your morals from your standards? I can tell you, for sure I've read more than once on this here board about you guys contradicting what you want with what you think would be right or acceptable in a relationship sense.

Anyhow I thought it would be interesting to hear about it... discuss
 

Deadtrees

Platinum Member
Dec 31, 2002
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With my current girlfriend, I didn't need to separate my morals from the standard.
Thus I have nothing to say about this issue.
Adios.
 

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,920
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Experienced women are better...they know what they're doing and have all their wild oats worked out of their system :)
 

kami333

Diamond Member
Dec 12, 2001
5,110
2
76
Make it a point not to get on my high horse and preach?

I know I'm not perfect, I've pulled crap that she probably wouldn't approve of, so who am I to judge her? As long as she isn't suicidal because of what she's done, I can deal.
 

XZeroII

Lifer
Jun 30, 2001
12,572
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Originally posted by: Fritzo
Experienced women are better...they know what they're doing and have all their wild oats worked out of their system :)

Yea, I'd rather have someone who has sex with a new guy every weekend all willy nilly and probably has some STD's than a responsible one.


We all have these double standards. I don't think there is a single person out there who's dream girl (or guy) is an ugly duckling. We all dream of that perfect person and look for her/him. However, our dream mate and who we really fall in love with are not always the same. The trick is to not let yourself get caught up in the dream girl but rather just go for the love thing and hopefully they can be compatible.
 

Jzero

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
18,834
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What is wrong about wanting your lover to be physically attractive as well as intellectually/morally attractive?
 

nativesunshine

Diamond Member
Jan 6, 2003
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What really annoys me is people with no apparently morals whatsoever.

I know this guy who spends all his time worrying about whether or not he'll get a girl for the night. He only wants girls for one thing...and one thing only. No attachments, nothing. He claims that it's useless to find a nice respectable girl to have for a girlfriend b/c it's a "trick" they use to control him. He'd much rather spend all his days sleeping with any slut who will have him...(and at my school, it's not very hard to find girls like this). He has no respect for women..they are just toys to him.

It really makes me sick how disgusting he is. My boyfriend is friends with him and it bothers me that he would ENCOURAGE this type of behavior because it's "amusing". He in no way condones it..but he eggs him on b/c he's "a lost cause anyway".

This guys is currently sleeping with this girl who's also hooking up with another friend of ours. It's this big messed up issue and my boyfriend is torn between who to be loyal to. Guy A insists that my boyfriend keep this whole thing a secret from Guy B because the last thing he needs is to be confronted and lose his chances to continue sleeping with the girl. Guy B thinks that the girl really likes him and wants to pursue a relationship with her.

My boyfriend is torn between loyalties. Tell Guy B and lose Guy A's trust. Or don't tell Guy B and let him go on thinking that there's a real chance between him and the girl. Don't know what she's doing but she's purposely making him think that he has a chance of having a real relationship with her....while she's out sleeping with other guys.

In this situation...is it realy all that hard to choose the right thing to do?
 

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
26,060
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To me, a standard is a cutoff level - if you don't meet the cutoff I will not date you. No ifs, ands, or buts - I will not date you. Thus a standard is very clear, easy to identify, and the test is black or white (no grey area). For example I have a no smoking standard. If you smoke (even occasionally) I will not date you. You either smoke or you don't. It is very clear to everyone whether they meet my standard or not. I have other standards as well - no drug users, minimum of 3 limbs (any combination of arms or legs), must be female, must be human, must be single, etc. Of course I have a lot more standards than that. Note how that is a mix of personality and looks. But each of them is very clear - you qualify or you don't.

To me, morals are the way you live your life. Morals are never black or white - they always include the grey area. There is an infinite amount of possible morals ranging from truely evil to angelic. I don't want to turn this into a religious thread, so how about an example moral about breaking laws. To some people laws are there to be challenged - whether for pure greed or for an attempt to make the world more just in their minds. Other people have an obsessison to obey every law ever made. But nearly everyone is somewhere in between. Some will break stealing laws. Others find stealing wrong but will break speeding laws. Others find stealing and speeding wrong but are willing to shower with their spouse in California (against the law by the way). Everyone has an idea of which laws they are willing to break - and which laws they will obey if at all possible. Your morals is the set of all choices you would make in all situations. It is very difficult for someone to judge anothers morals without spending a lot of time with the person (even you might not know your own morals).

Now back you your question yayo. Your guy friends have standards that seem to be very focussed on looks. However, they also have a standard that they will only date people with morals "close" to themselves. That is not a contradiction. Anything can be your standard - personality, looks, morals, etc.

Now about your observation, "I can tell you, for sure I've read more than once on this here board about you guys contradicting what you want with what you think would be right or acceptable in a relationship sense." I think that everyone wants things but knows that they cannot have all of their wants. I want all the money in the world. But I know it would not be right or acceptable to have it all (think of the chaos that would cause if I suddenly owned everything). I want a wife that cooks, cleans, etc. but I realize that it would not be right or acceptable if I didn't do half of the housework (By the way, I'm married and I do ~60% of the housework in addition to my normal job). I want to laze around all day playing computer games, but I realize that it wouldn't be right or acceptable to do that (no income and it would be neglecting my wife). So everyone has unrealistic wants. That isn't a contradiction. The only problem occurs if you attempt to achieve your unrealistic wants.
 

SoylentGreen

Diamond Member
Oct 17, 2002
4,698
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This seperation of morals and standards is bunk.

A girl does not need to be attractive or outright hot to be promiscuous. An outright ugly girl can be so.

A girl does not need be promiscuous if she is hot, nor should that be assumed.

It does go both ways. The ugliest guy can pay for sex outright.

The ugly guy however cannot walk into the bar and guarantee a lay whereas a woman could.
 

Hammer

Lifer
Oct 19, 2001
13,217
1
81
Originally posted by: kami333
Make it a point not to get on my high horse and preach?

I know I'm not perfect, I've pulled crap that she probably wouldn't approve of, so who am I to judge her? As long as she isn't suicidal because of what she's done, I can deal.

i think that's an excellent attitude and i agree. :D
 

Quixfire

Diamond Member
Jul 31, 2001
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My morals are my standards, but that doesn't mean I don't compromise on occasion.
 

imported_Papi

Platinum Member
Nov 15, 2002
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I think some of you over looked what personal morals consist of.

Morals are things you vows to yourself that you will not do, and avoid becoming a part of, if someone else tried to involve you. Personal rules set forth by yourself for yourself. Some people live by a set of religious morals set forth by their church like Christians and the Islamic do.

Standards or High expectations are limits you expect others to met and if they don't they are not good enough for you. You wouldn't give them a second thought, look, glance etc. Sort of like a primacy effect. They don't have the type of body you want them to have even though that are smart, color eyes, hair, hair style, facial features or their faces are ugly but bodies are to kill for. Nice girl but not your type because a combination of the above...


Anyhow... So... in my experience of watching him be this way for a number of years he has YET to meet this girl of his dreams.

His High expectations and his morals combine are enough to make any girl run and never look back.

There is always the possibility that a person can/will change. A smoker can quit smoking if they really want to be with a person. A drug user can go clean with the help of someone who will support them and love them.

Ultimately there is always room for change. I know everyone has their own view on it, but mine is that because you are not giving that particular person a chance you may be missing out on your one chance to ever find happiness. As silly as that may be, how can you tell me that I am wrong to think that.

As for morals check out this site. It's a bit geigh... but gives a good example of what some peoples morals are like:

Some guys list of morals EDIT - Also I wanted to mention this and use it as an example. Our friend Mike, he doesn't think a girl who flaunts her body is attractive. He'd never date a woman that throws herself at men, or act sleazy to get attention. HOWEVER he visits strip clubs regularly... there is the contradiction.




 

imported_Papi

Platinum Member
Nov 15, 2002
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Originally posted by: Quixfire
My morals are my standards, but that doesn't mean I don't compromise on occasion.

What do you think your life would be if you didnt compromise?

 

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,920
2,161
126
Originally posted by: XZeroII
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Experienced women are better...they know what they're doing and have all their wild oats worked out of their system :)

Yea, I'd rather have someone who has sex with a new guy every weekend all willy nilly and probably has some STD's than a responsible one.


We all have these double standards. I don't think there is a single person out there who's dream girl (or guy) is an ugly duckling. We all dream of that perfect person and look for her/him. However, our dream mate and who we really fall in love with are not always the same. The trick is to not let yourself get caught up in the dream girl but rather just go for the love thing and hopefully they can be compatible.

I said EXPERIENCED, not WHORE!!! Geeze

rolleye.gif
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,296
16
81
Originally posted by: yayo
Also I wanted to mention this and use it as an example. Our friend Mike, he doesn't think a girl who flaunts her body is attractive. He'd never date a woman that throws herself at men, or act sleazy to get attention. HOWEVER he visits strip clubs regularly... there is the contradiction.

There's that "Madonna/Whore" thing again. It's reminiscent of the scene in the movie Analyze This, where DeNiro says he has a girlfriend with whom he does all the sexual things he could never do with his wife. Your friend Mike sets standards for morality and chastity in women that he wants to date or be close to, but women that he's already made up his mind that he doesn't want to date (such as the girls at the strip club) are merely objects to satisfy his own curiosity/sexual desire/whatever.

Personally, I don't think that's healthy. I believe that all of us humans are very much sexual beings, and that sexuality needs to be honored and practiced.
 

Willoughbyva

Diamond Member
Sep 26, 2001
3,267
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I have morals and standards. To be honest they are so high no one would probably ever be able to meet them. Also my morals and standards are not typical, so i have to find someone who thinks similarly.

Aside from all that stuff i guess the main thing is i try to be honest and caring and all I look for is someone to return that to me. So far I meet people who are all caught up in so many different things going on around them that relationships are not easy and simple. It becomes, I don't know how to say it, all about other things rather than about getting along together. I don't know I think people have relationships because they are seeking something, something besides companionship, caring etc. You'll notice I didn't mention love because that is so different from person to person. I don't really know I guess it is my inexperience or as many people think that I am naive. (sp)

Good question though.
 

XZeroII

Lifer
Jun 30, 2001
12,572
0
0
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Originally posted by: XZeroII
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Experienced women are better...they know what they're doing and have all their wild oats worked out of their system :)

Yea, I'd rather have someone who has sex with a new guy every weekend all willy nilly and probably has some STD's than a responsible one.


We all have these double standards. I don't think there is a single person out there who's dream girl (or guy) is an ugly duckling. We all dream of that perfect person and look for her/him. However, our dream mate and who we really fall in love with are not always the same. The trick is to not let yourself get caught up in the dream girl but rather just go for the love thing and hopefully they can be compatible.

I said EXPERIENCED, not WHORE!!! Geeze

rolleye.gif
what's the difference?
 

Cyberian

Diamond Member
Jun 17, 2000
9,999
1
0
Originally posted by: WinkOsmosis
I don't have morals and I don't have standards. I do what I do, and I like who I like.
One more intelligent opinion.

Thanks!