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How do you plan to live with your parents after they are retired?

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My parents have been happily retired for fifteen years. They take care of themselves and travel the world on their own. They have also been very specific that should they become infirm that their children are not to attempt to take of them nor take on any financial burden in their care. They set aside money against the day and have god's own medical insurance on top of Medicare plus long term care insurance.
 
So judging from the comments it seems that my parents are somewhat of an outlier.

I asked them:

"[when you retire] you don't want to be independent and do things on your own? Travel on your own? Explore on your own?"

"No. It's not safe. It's lonely. You don't have family to share the moments with. (they're both from a very large family during the Mao Zedong era, pre-One Child Policy)."
 
I live with both in laws. They were forced to retire early due to health. Dunno know how many more years they got left. My wife helps plan their vacations and trips. We are letting them stay in a junior suite of our house as kind of a base camp. My own parents are of decent health and live about 8 hr drive away. If they need help, I wouldn't mind helping them out either. I am fortunate to have great in laws and parents. Many people can't stand either one set or both.
 
Nope. My retired Chinese parents are super damn independent. Too independent.

Gooberlx2 said:
Maybe I will. In the meantime, OP was asking about retirement age.

The point is that I think OP is likely overstating the burden his parents would be as well as their dependence, especially at just retirement age. Hell the elderly Asian tourist stereotype doesn't exist for no reason.
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I agree. My parents take vacations on their own all the time. They've never asked me or my brothers to go or join them.
 
Will let you know in a couple months. My father (who is 80) is moving in with us in the middle of June. We are in the process of remodeling part of our house to make an extra bedroom for him. We are also thinking about trading in our car for a bigger vehicle that will be more accessible for him and more comfortable for everyone to ride in.

It will be an "adventure," for sure. But I can't wait for him to be here. I have only seen him ~5 times since 2003 (when he moved to the Czech republic). He has only met his grandson twice (once at 6 months, once at a year), and he has never met his granddaughter. Will be nice to have him close by, even if it is going to drive me nuts every now and then.
 
I was raised by my grandparents and am thus off the hook.

Edit: This is good, because the people in my family are all really hard-headed and wouldn't do well in the same house. What your parents are proposing would drive me insane. I'd probably leave the country before that happened.

I don't know if that makes me a bad person, but I'm too much of a loner to live my whole life taking care of other people.
 
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TridenT said:
Sorry, but what? Since when is that the Asian bargain? I thought the idea of being Asian was that you were put under severe pressure as a child to succeed and then were supposed to fulfill that so you would become a successful lawyer, doctor, engineer, etc. Obviously, you haven't done that...

So, anyway, I wouldn't bother unless you like your parents a lot. Also, I don't think girls are going to want to date/marry/anything you once the parents have moved in. Consider that heavily.
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OP, you're reached a special place when Trident feels he can offer you life advice! 😀

More constructively, relations with aging parents can grow increasingly difficult as they deteriorate physically and mentally.

We lived very near my wife's parents and I know they deeply enjoyed seeing their grandchildren born and raised. However, as they crossed into their mid-80's, their physical and mental issues became increasingly difficult. My wife was drawn into working through their issues with general health, housekeeping, medications, finances, etc. This took it's toll on my wife's emotional health; she found it difficult to watch them change for the worse. She also had less time to spend as a stay-at-home mother raising our children. I think both she and our children would now have better memories of them as parents/grandparents if our family hadn't been as intimately involved in their final years (sad when a mother no longer recognizes her daughter).

So, I suggest that you consider establishing a "distance" between your life and the lives of your parents that you will be comfortable with through the rest of their lives.

Wishing you the best.
 
tfinch2 said:
My grandparents are in their late 80's and still live and take care of themselves.
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They're lucky to be in the very minor majority. My grandparents have been living with my parents for several years now, grandpa died last year at 87 and grandma is still living with them at 83. He had dementia, I helped take care of him a good bit his last several months. I sure do miss that old guy. :\

Yeah, I expect my parents will be living with me when they get too frail to care for themselves. I welcome it, although I'm sure it will not be the easiest thing in the world. They deserve to have someone who loves them take care of them given how great they've been to me.
 
My parents are both retiring within a year. They're still able bodied and of sound mind. The only difference for me is that I'll probably pay for their travel expenses when they go on those asian bus tours they love, and maybe a couple trips to come visit me. It won't be much, 5 - 10k/year.
 
Pr0d1gy said:
Yeah, I expect my parents will be living with me when they get too frail to care for themselves. I welcome it, although I'm sure it will not be the easiest thing in the world. They deserve to have someone who loves them take care of them given how great they've been to me.
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Same.

Koing
 
fuzzybabybunny said:
I'm Chinese and their only child. My parents are currently 63 and they are finally starting to realize that their bodies are not going to hold up and they only have a limited time to travel and see things. Plus they would want to live with me and have their child take care of them, like most all Asians do.

So, serious question. What do you plan to do, or have already been doing, for your parents after they retire?

My parents are not the type to do things on their own or explore on their own. They expect me to accompany them wherever they go. They said they want to retire and just spend time traveling with me, totally different from the usual western retiree who buys an RV for them and their spouse and go at it alone. And when they're not traveling, they want me to take care of them. They definitely don't want nursing homes but at the same time they have no insistence on taking care of themselves.

Anyone else here dealing with the same situation?

I'm about as far as you can be to settling down and taking care of some aging parents. But this is kind of the Asian bargain - when you are born into an Asian family they give you everything growing up but then they make the decision for you through guilt that you will be taking care of them when they're old.
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Times change. How about an apt or house nearby, depending on what you can afford, and you just come by and help? We did that with my grandmother. You do have to visit though and can't just drop them off there and forget about them. Especially when there's just one left.

You're going to get guilt whether they live with you or not.
 
63 is young..why would they want you to take care of them? Besides, they aren't forcing you to... if guilt works, they will keep using it..You should have fought off that strategy of theirs years ago.
 
They were smart enough to actually save money for retirement, so no skin off my back. My mom says when she gets bad enough, just toss her in a retirement home

Supposedly they are moving to NM. Probably won't see them much.
 
I'm always amazed at how many people subscribe to the "Kids must take care of the elderly parents" mentality. I certainly do not.
 
fuzzybabybunny said:
I'm Chinese and their only child. My parents are currently 63 and they are finally starting to realize that their bodies are not going to hold up and they only have a limited time to travel and see things. Plus they would want to live with me and have their child take care of them, like most all Asians do.

So, serious question. What do you plan to do, or have already been doing, for your parents after they retire?

My parents are not the type to do things on their own or explore on their own. They expect me to accompany them wherever they go. They said they want to retire and just spend time traveling with me, totally different from the usual western retiree who buys an RV for them and their spouse and go at it alone. And when they're not traveling, they want me to take care of them. They definitely don't want nursing homes but at the same time they have no insistence on taking care of themselves.

Anyone else here dealing with the same situation?

I'm about as far as you can be to settling down and taking care of some aging parents. But this is kind of the Asian bargain - when you are born into an Asian family they give you everything growing up but then they make the decision for you through guilt that you will be taking care of them when they're old.
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Are you considering not caring for them?
 
I don't live in the same country as parents or in-laws although I'm only an hour away. I don't expect to have much of a role in taking care of them. My parents are already retired and have plenty of money to hire help or my brother probably will as he is more emotionally invested.
I'm more concerned about what my in-laws will do but luckily they have 5 kids so hopefully one of her siblings will deal with them. They have no money though so it wil be interesting to see how everything plays out.
I will not be taking care of anyone physically or financially.
 
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