How do you let go of regret?

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oiprocs

oiprocs

Diamond Member
Jun 20, 2001
3,780
2
0
I find that I'm often regretful about many things in my past. I'm still young, but as I'm nearing graduation I keep thinking about all the shitty decisions I've made since I turned 18. I think about how different my life might be if I could change 1 or 2 specific choices.

All this negativity isn't be healthy but it's so hard to stop. It affects my ability to concentrate, especially on my last classes, because my mind consistently drifts back to my mistakes.

I'd really just like to bury the past and move forward, but this rear view mirror won't go away.
 
rudeguy

rudeguy

Lifer
Dec 27, 2001
47,351
14
61
I had to do some deep soul searching, figure out my part in the things I was regretting, then make amends for what I had done.

Are you sure you want to look that deep into your past?
 
Colt45

Colt45

Lifer
Apr 18, 2001
19,720
1
0
regret is a rather stupid emotion, at least long term regret... I dunno, get a hobby or something, keep your mind occupied... one day at a time.
 
oiprocs

oiprocs

Diamond Member
Jun 20, 2001
3,780
2
0
Colt45 said:
regret is a rather stupid emotion, at least long term regret... I dunno, get a hobby or something, keep your mind occupied... one day at a time.
Click to expand...
I agree, it's absolutely stupid. Why think about something that can never ever be changed or altered?

Maybe I'll take up NSFW's proposal and write down each thing that has been bothering me, come to terms with it, accept it, bury it, and move on.
 
moshquerade

moshquerade

No Lifer
Nov 1, 2001
61,504
12
56
oiprocs said:
I find that I'm often regretful about many things in my past. I'm still young, but as I'm nearing graduation I keep thinking about all the shitty decisions I've made since I turned 18. I think about how different my life might be if I could change 1 or 2 specific choices.

All this negativity isn't be healthy but it's so hard to stop. It affects my ability to concentrate, especially on my last classes, because my mind consistently drifts back to my mistakes.

I'd really just like to bury the past and move forward, but this rear view mirror won't go away.
Click to expand...
You're letting it consume you. It is one thing to regret something, learn from it, move on or then you can be self destructive and dwell on it.

Let it go. Tell yourself you won't make the same mistake again.
 
Beev

Beev

Diamond Member
Apr 20, 2006
7,775
0
0
I'm like you, OP. There are a couple things I would change in a heartbeat if I could travel back in time. But I can't, so I let the past be the past and I concentrate on not fucking up so much in the future :p
 
meltdown75

meltdown75

Lifer
Nov 17, 2004
37,548
7
81
1 - if you feel like something in your past was a mistake, or you fucked up...forgive yourself - YOU'RE HUMAN. it's part of life. forgive yourself and move forward.

2 - spending time wallowing in regret is like compounding your initial mistake. presumably, you wasted time fucking up. now you're wasting MORE time beating yourself up over it. let it go - every day is a new opportunity to move on.
 
D

DaWhim

Lifer
Feb 3, 2003
12,985
1
81
look at the positive side on things.

you are regretting the things you have done, most people including me regret the things i wish i have done though.
 
Hayabusa Rider

Hayabusa Rider

Admin Emeritus & Elite Member
Jan 26, 2000
50,879
4,268
126
Regret is a complex emotion. You feel guilt about something in the past which makes you feel all the more guilty because you can't change it.

It's not a useless emotion. It's you realizing something now you didn't realize then. That being the case, you aren't likely to repeat it.

I do have a solution. From a story I heard.

Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver cins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.' "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

Background- Samaritans and Jews generally despised one another, as in hated. Yet here one decided to do something to help another at his own expense. Did he have to? No, and in fact walking right by and spitting on the injured man would be expected.

What has this to do with your problem? You can never change the past, only the now and future. Do someone good who needs it. It won't erase the past, but you will accumulate satisfaction which will more than offset regret.

The Samaritan did a good thing.

Go and do likewise.
 
SonnyDaze

SonnyDaze

Diamond Member
Jul 31, 2004
6,867
3
76
Gots to move on mang. No sense in destroying your innards over something you can't change now.
 
Fritzo

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,920
2,161
126
Let me know if you find out. I'm full of it. I've had so many missed opportunities that I feel like I wasted the best part of my life. I'm locked into a standard 2 kid, 2 car, mortgage, 8-5 work life now.
 
lokiju

lokiju

Lifer
May 29, 2003
18,526
5
0
Use that as a fire under your ass to motivate you to only do the best you can do, always going forward. If you give everything your all and do your best then you really should have no reason to have regrets.
 
edro

edro

Lifer
Apr 5, 2002
24,326
68
91
You obviously don't believe in fate.
Try the mindset of "what will be, will be".

You can't stop trying or doing, but take assurance that the decisions you made were made for a reason.

To quote the great Robert Plant, "And though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea."
 
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Fritzo

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,920
2,161
126
edro said:
You obviously don't believe in fate.
Try the mindset of "what will be, will be".

You can't stop trying or doing, but take assurance that the decisions you made were made for a reason.

To quote the great Robert Plant, "And though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea."
Click to expand...

What's funny is the Robert Plant quote is more profound than the bible quote posted above. :)
 
H

HN

Diamond Member
Jan 19, 2001
8,186
4
0
anytime i think a past decision may have hypothetically made my life better had i chosen differently, i think to myself i could have easily gotten into an accident had i actually done so. except for the one time i did get into an accident and then i regret not having aaa.
 
IronWing

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
72,973
34,179
136
Smoke pot, drink copious amounts of alcohol, suffer a head injury. Memory loss erases regret.
 
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