<< hrm, most of you will think this is strange, but bear with me...
leave the start menu at the bottom of the screen, and press the "print screen" button to take a picture of your desktop.  then, go into paint and paste it, and save it as a bitmap.  then, save this as your background.  move the start menu to the TOP of the screen, and set it to autohide.  the background will show a start menu at the bottom, but nothing will happen when you click it.  also, any icons you had on the desktop will be simply background, so you can move them off screen or hide them like bacillus suggested.  i always have my taskbar at the top, and always use autohide so if some random person wants to mess with it, it will take them a while to figure out what's going on at least. >>
LMAO, thats funny. This guy knows a little bit about computers, but that sounds like something I will do to mess with my wife at home.
Still looking.....