How do I get a social life in the dorms?

[skywalker66]

Hey, (if u want u can skip to the 2 questions below if the intro is too long)

Right now I am a student attending Bethel College and Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota

Even though I live within comuting distance I decided to take the plunge and live on campus, as I want to immerse myself in this new environment, And well so far... I dunno what to say.

The outlook isn't looking positive. Bethel is a Christian college so I was hoping to find some like minded ppl like myself around here, and so far things aren't what I expected. Granted that people here aren't drinking, running around naked, or any of that crap, but I guess there's a good portion of people that don't appeal to me here, as in they don't act Christian at all.

These people seem to have found their groupies of friends already (in about 1.5 weeks) and it seems like the girls seem to be nitting along nicely (as girls always seem to do) but the guys on the other hand are also nitting together, but more so in their own closed up cliques,

and well honestly I don't know how I'm going to fit in here. Unfortunately I'm someone who needs more time to adjust to some things than most people, so even though I do want to be social and meet friends (and believe me, I want this really bad!) at the same time this last week and a half I've need to really cool my heels as this new environment is kind of a change up, and a lot of times when this stuff happens I just need some alone to process it all and cope with it.

Ironically, I've heard that in your freshman year at college it's in the first 2 weeks that all the magic happens, and so far that seems somewhat true, as people already seem to have found their friends and have closed the doors.

I'm starting to think maybe I should act fast regardless of whether I'm ready for it or not, because the last thing I want is for me to feel stranded because everybody else found all their friends.

--------------------

(1) I guess the first thing I'm wondering is... is this true? The whole thing about how all the magic happens in the first 2 weeks, or the first month, or whatever? I mean if I don't make friends in the first month will it be a lot harder? I just wish you could go at your own pace with these things and that you didn't have to feel so rushed. I mean am I abnormal for maybe taking a little longer to meet my friends? (i am introverted, so taking my time with this stuff kinda comes naturally, I quicken the pace a little but its hard to quicken it a lot)

(2) The other thing I'm wondering is.... what are some good ways for me to meet people on my floor in my dorm?
guys and girls are on a different wing of each floor , but both wings share the same lounge (and the lounges get used by other floors sometimes too) I definately wouldnt mind mingling with some of the girls around here as well. we have 2 wings of guys and 4 wings of girls, so the ratio is pretty good.
But in order to do that it would be smart to mingle with some guys on my floor and develope kind of a crew to go around with. (i dont think I could muster the courage to walk on the girl's floor by myself and make introductions)
So anyways yea, I need to get to know some guys on my floor first probably.

What are some good tactics for introducing yourself to people and hanging around each other later?
Honestly I have a dislike introductions, doing them is just tough and queezy feeling but then again I know intros necessary to get anywhere. Another thing i dislike doing is finding fun things to do, good 'get to know each other' activities, as honestly I don't have many hobbies and don't like coming up with ideas. (remember, alcohol is out of the question as I'm on a Christian campus)
but I'll try to come up with ideas, and any other ideas you have would be great.

EDIT: btw, I can introduce myself, but a lot of the times what comes after that is tricky. Like the whole part of hanging out with them, that part is tricky for me. I guess that is more of what I was talking about when I was refering to introductions. I just don't know how to get beyond that very well.
like asking them to hang out is tricky.

I want to do an awesome job at this so any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.
I want to make this one of the most fun years i've had, definately a year to remember.

 

[AvesPKS]

I joined a fraternity...




...and seriously, you're in a dorm in college. At no other time in your life will there be so many people up at 2am with nothing to do. My advice would be to network. You must have 'a' friend...hang out with him and his friends, get to know them, hang out with their friends, and so on and so forth.

 

[yllus]

Getting out of your room in the evenings instead of posting here may help

 

[deerslayer]

Talk to people on your floor. Say hi to them at least. It helps to leave your door open if you're just hanging out in your room, people are more likely to stop by. The first week here, two of the guys on my floor came and introduced themselves, and this weekend we all went to the bar together along with another guy on our floor and his girlfriend.

Of course, you don't have to go to the bar with the people on your floor to meet them since you don't like alcohol, but you can do other things.

 

[GhettoFob]

Originally posted by: yllus
Getting out of your room in the evenings instead of posting here may help

yep

 

[Orsorum]

I always found just hanging out in the lounge was a good way to at least meet people; it was a great place to do homework with people as well.

 

Introducing yourself is the easiest and best way to get friends. Start doing your homework and reading in the lounge, and when someone comes in, just say, "Oh hey, I'm Skywalker66 - you live on this floor, right?" Trust me - things will fall in place once you meet one or two people.

 

[00Jones]

Originally posted by: skywalker66
Hey, (if u want u can skip to the 2 questions below if the intro is too long)

Right now I am a student attending Bethel College and Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota

Even though I live within comuting distance I decided to take the plunge and live on campus, as I want to immerse myself in this new environment, And well so far... I dunno what to say.

The outlook isn't looking positive. Bethel is a Christian college so I was hoping to find some like minded ppl like myself around here, and so far things aren't what I expected. Granted that people here aren't drinking, running around naked, or any of that crap, but I guess there's a good portion of people that don't appeal to me here, as in they don't act Christian at all.

These people seem to have found their groupies of friends already (in about 1.5 weeks) and it seems like the girls seem to be nitting along nicely (as girls always seem to do) but the guys on the other hand are also nitting together, but more so in their own closed up cliques,

and well honestly I don't know how I'm going to fit in here. Unfortunately I'm someone who needs more time to adjust to some things than most people, so even though I do want to be social and meet friends (and believe me, I want this really bad!) at the same time this last week and a half I've need to really cool my heels as this new environment is kind of a change up, and a lot of times when this stuff happens I just need some alone to process it all and cope with it.

Ironically, I've heard that in your freshman year at college it's in the first 2 weeks that all the magic happens, and so far that seems somewhat true, as people already seem to have found their friends and have closed the doors.

I'm starting to think maybe I should act fast regardless of whether I'm ready for it or not, because the last thing I want is for me to feel stranded because everybody else found all their friends.

--------------------

(1) I guess the first thing I'm wondering is... is this true? The whole thing about how all the magic happens in the first 2 weeks, or the first month, or whatever? I mean if I don't make friends in the first month will it be a lot harder? i mean how much harder will it be?? I just wish you could go at your own pace with these things and that you didn't have to feel so rushed. I mean am I abnormal for maybe taking a little longer to meet my friends? (i am introverted, so taking my time with this stuff kinda comes naturally, I quicken the pace a little but its hard to quicken it a lot)

(2) The other thing I'm wondering is.... what are some good ways for me to meet people on my floor in my dorm?
guys and girls are on a different wing of each floor , but both wings share the same lounge (and the lounges get used by other floors sometimes too) I definately wouldnt mind mingling with some of the girls around here as well. we have 2 wings of guys and 4 wings of girls, so the ratio is pretty good.
But in order to do that it would be smart to mingle with some guys on my floor and develope kind of a crew to go around with. (i dont think I could muster the courage to walk on the girl's floor by myself and make introductions)
So anyways yea, I need to get to know some guys on my floor first probably.

What are some good tactics for introducing yourself to people and hanging around each other later?
Honestly I have a dislike introductions, doing them is just tough and queezy feeling but then again I know intros necessary to get anywhere. Another thing i dislike doing is finding fun things to do, good 'get to know each other' activities, as honestly I don't have many hobbies and don't like coming up with ideas. (remember, alcohol is out of the question as I'm on a Christian campus)
but I'll try to come up with ideas, and any other ideas you have would be great.

I want to do an awesome job at this so any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.
I want to make this one of the most fun years i've had, and year to remember.

I'm going through the same thing you are. I've been here for 3 weeks and only talked to one guy a couple of times, I don't even know his name.

 

[TJN23]

no offense whatsoever but stop posting...start pimping...alcohol can help

 

[atom]

I had a good RA, he organized a bunch of group activities for our floor so I got to know people really quick. Otherwise, just go out, you're bound to meet people.

 

[AvesPKS]

Originally posted by: TJN23
no offense whatsoever but stop posting...start pimping...alcohol can help

He goes to a Seminary...I seriously doubt alcohol is the answer. I would also gather that there must be groups/clubs that you can get involved in. There must be a Young Life out there; that's always a start.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: jumpr
Introducing yourself is the easiest and best way to get friends. Start doing your homework and reading in the lounge, and when someone comes in, just say, "Oh hey, I'm Skywalker66 - you live on this floor, right?" Trust me - things will fall in place once you meet one or two people.

I've met a lot of people
I know a lot of peoples names, and I say hi to them and all,

I just dont know how to get beyond that.

 

[rgwalt]

Leave the room and hang out with people in the floor common area.

R

 

[alphatarget1]

you have trouble meeting people in dorms? come on. just knock on door and say hi to people and talk to them... it's not that hard

 

[skim milk]

my advice... i lived in the dorms last year (freshman year)

first of all... don't rush it. Don't be desperate.... and try to "fit in". Girls AND guys can sense it. Just be yourself... hang out in the lounge... cook in the lounge... do homework in the lounge.. get your face out there. If you walk by someone's dorm and happen to catch them playing a video game on the tv... stop by and ask about the game or something... ask them if you can join and play.. i dunno... act however fits you.

My REAL fun really didn't start until second semester... i sort of regret my first semester... even though it was a good learning experience... i tried to fit in where i didn't belong...i had some fun nights due to the alcohol but the rest of the first semester wasn't as great as i expected. Second semester... i decided to ditch that whole group i hung out with and try to meet new people. It was a common interest that brought us all together. Basketball. First it was just me and these two other people from my floor playing basketball...then more people got into it.... we had late night basketball games in the cold.... watching basketball playoffs together.... and one things led to another. From basketball, grew our friendship. We started doing other things together... going out to eat, hanging-out, etc..etc..

second semester went really fast.. it was fun though.... too bad it's kinda hard to see any of them now since i live off-campus
If i couldve stayed in the dorms one more year... i wouldve.. but i had no choice but to live off campus in an apartment.,

 

[Krassus]

The first thing you do is delete this bookmark and never EVER, under the fear of death, come back here again! Posting here is the easiest way to end up with NO life. Asking for social advice here is like asking for advice on dating women in a gay bar - you'll wish you hadn't

The second thing you do is walk out of your room and start being a MAN. What i just read sounded like it was written by a woman. You need to cope with a change of environment? Come on! Say it out loud to yourself. Are your bones broken? Is your body covered with deep wounds? Are you weak from excessive loss of blood? No? Then what the HELL do you have to cope with? WOMEN need to cope with emotions. MEN go out there and enjoy every minute of life, because it's too damn short to waste it feeling sorry for yourself!

The third thing you do is get some hobbies. Seriously. If you don't have any, you're BORING. What are you gonna talk about with people? The weather? A man's life should revolve around his interests, his hobbies. Not around his friends, girlfriends, etc. Those people are just there to enchance the experience, not to create it for you. You'll notice that this is also the best way to meet people, as its easy to become friends with someone if you've got something in common.

 

[mugs]

Although I didn't notice it so much my freshman year, I did notice in the next few years that the freshmen formed their "groups" in the first two weeks of school. Honestly, I have no idea how they all figured out who their friends would be for the next four years within two weeks in a new environment, but I sure didn't. I found that the people who were my best friends were the guys I lived with for 3 years in the dorm. Get to know the other guys on your floor, like others have said. And leave your door open, as others have also said.

 

[Ness]

If you live in a dorm, establish an "open-door" policy. That means, unless you are changing or something, prop your door open so that people can say hey to you if you are just sitting around. Often times, people will see you doing something or see something in your room as you walk by that sparks their intrest and they will start talking to you. Or it may be more effective and people will realize that's a sign that you want people to talk to you. Just don't have your door open if you are studying, or if it REALLY bothers your roommates.


If you have a class right before lunch/dinner then, after class, ask people if they wanna go grab a bite to eat with you. Most classes are closer to the dinning hall than they are the dorms, so people stop there after class.


Talk to some people in your classes. See if they want to get a study group together or something, like, work on homework together and things (especially math classes). Sooner or later someone is bound to say something unrelated to the homework. If you end up talking to them instead of working, then oh well. No big deal.


Smile and say "Hi" to everyone you make eye contact with. I mean this in all seriousness. No one wants to hang out with someone who seems too introverted.


Go to parties. Even if you don't drink, smoke, whatever. Go. People are there, because they want to meet other people. A party is like saying "Here is a bunch of people, come meet us!" Regardless of what you think, parties aren't about drinking, they are about socializing. Alcohol tends to make people more outgoing. Even still, people can respect the fact that you don't want to drink, and not going to a party for that reason is really dumb.

Get a dry-erase board and put it on your door. Leave markers out so people can leave you messages and stuff. While you're at it, leave your phone number on the door, and if you want to, your AIM screen name, email, etc.


And most importantly, stop being a scaredy cat and just talk to people. At most colleges, there are 10,000+ people, upwords of 50,000 and more in many cases. If you make an ass of yourself to one person, then who cares. You seem to spend more time observing how other people are behaving rather than trying to meet them.


I missed out a lot my freshman year because I sat around and figured that there had to be someone else just like me waiting to meet me and hang out with me, then I realized that the reason I never met them was because they were probably sitting around doing jack squat like I was. Get out, do things, and don't think that just because something doesn't seem like "your style" or "your idea of a good time" doesn't mean it isn't worth taking an hour out of sitting and posting here to find out if it is or isn't.

 

[skywalker66]

note:

my door is constantly open. ppl just dont walk in as much, they seem to have found their friends?

 

[jjyiz28]

yeah dont rush it , and how could u not have any hobbies?? eh?? similar hobbies forms friendships.

how bout some medication?? sounds like small case of social anxiety disorder. paxil, effexor, zoloft are anti anxiety drugs, non habit forming. your mileage may vary with drugs, it may work wonders for someone but do absolutely nothing for others

 

[TommyVercetti]

You know I felt exactly how you felt. I mean first day of school, and these freshmen are already in their little groups. On top of that, they have girls over too. WTH? How did this happen and how did I miss out.

 

[Dudd]

Just hang out with people. I've only been at college for two weeks, and already we're pretty tight. I'm in a very small dorm (33 total freshman, 100 total), and I'm almost always hanging out with a group of 2-10 guys. We eat together in the dining hall, go to the football games together (perhaps not an option in your case, but there's gotta be something similar), watch movies (just finished up Back to The Future 1 and 2 tonight), go to parties together, etc. Hell, we've even all bleached our hair, sort of a dorm unity sort of thing. You don't have to be an extremely outgoing person, I certainly am not. Just hang around, talk to people, and you'll have fun.

 

leave your room

 

[Corporate Thug]

in the dorms, the social life comes to you

 

[Ameesh]

jesus if you have to ask you'll never be able to do it. socializng in the dorms is as easy as rotational kinematics