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How do I clean cat piss off of a futon mattress

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Get your mattress, a bucket and a large quantity of isopropyl alcohol.

First you plunge the cat into isopropyl, rub it all over piss-laden mattress, then throw lit match on said mattress while cat is still on said mattress.

You've now successfully cleaned the mattress, and won't have to worry about it happening again.
 
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