How do guys in mid to late 20s/early 30s actually meet women???

[rh71]

I've always wanted to Tinder as my former self to see what kind of girls would swipe right for me. Anyone else?

But I hear about 40% are fake profiles (which mine would be too).

 

[renz20003]

At this point, you really can't meet them through natural means anymore - you're not in college where cute young single girls are everywhere, most of your friends are married or taken so you're not hanging out with a bunch of single people anymore, if you're trying to make a lot of money, you're likely working a job around a bunch of older men.

What's the options here? Bars/clubs have a crazy difficulty level - I feel like I'm one of the best looking, most muscular and best dressed men everytime I go to the bars and I still don't receive any indicators of interest from anybody decent. I'll occasionally be approached by a decent looking 35 year old but I'm not gonna date anybody older than me. If this is so difficult for me, how the hell can the average guy who is chubby meet someone at a bar? The decent looking women in their 20s aren't even trying to meet someone - 99% of them go out with 4 - 6 friends and have a boyfriend at home. The huge groups in the bar scene make it very difficult to tell who is single and who is not. I am not one of those guys who is okay approaching a chick with a bunch of male friends there and you have no idea if one of the guys there is her boyfriend and you end up looking like a complete dick. I'm not trying to make anybody feel awkward or uncomfortable.

Outside of the bar scene, what do you really do? Online dating is complete garbage unless you're a 6'3 white male model type. Even women online who are 5 foot tall/6s and 7s appearance wise want a man who is a 10/10 and way over 6 feet. IMO, women on dating site are the most superficial and pickiest people in the world...much worse than any demographic of men. That's the natural result of getting 80,000 messages a day I suppose. I'm realistically maybe a 7.5 to 8/10 in the face in real life but I'm only about a 6-7 in pics and that's nowhere near enough on these sites. You have to be a 9.5 to 10/10 in the face to meet a cute girl in her 20s.

Approaching during the day is very overrated too. The odds of a random cute 27 year old being single AND looking to date someone AND being attracted to you is like 1 in a 100 so, unless you're one of those masochists who is okay hearing 100 nos to get 1 yes, day approaches are horrible too

Yet most people date someone in their own league. What the hell am I missing here?

Just out of curiosity did you ever have a thing for diesel jeans and Tom Welling?

 

[UNCjigga]

Guys in their 20s/30s actually have more options for meeting quality wimmin, if you know where to look. Online dating may not be the best option for some, especially if you're, umm, not especially photogenic. In my experience, at least, women were a lot more receptive to me in smaller, more natural settings than they were in high school or college (perhaps I was just a late bloomer...or perhaps I was just an asshole in college. Search my post history on this forum back in 2000-2001 and figure it out.)

I guess what people find easy about dating while in school is that you're somewhat in a closed bubble environment and you see each other every day. It follows then that the easiest place to find someone is a place where both of you show up often. With that in mind, it's only natural to meet women at work. Obviously, you cannot date someone who is your manager or your direct subordinate, but there are plenty of workplace relationships that would still be acceptable. The downside of dating someone at work--obviously if it doesn't work out you'll still have to deal with each other in a professional setting.

If you are the "church"-going type [insert any religious institution here] that's always a good place to look. You're bound to see each other once a week or at least once a month, so follow-up and building rapport is easy.

Even if you're not the "church" type, there are plenty of volunteer organizations you can join and meet women that way. Fun fact, I met my wife volunteering.

I've never been one for just casually walking into a bar and striking up a conversation with a random stranger--that works for some people but not for me. Some folks like me need an excuse to mingle or something to break the ice. I find trivia nights at any local bar are a good way to meet like-minded "nerdy" people, and if that's not your thing you can browse meetup.com and find something that interests you.

 

[UNCjigga]

One other thing...if you've tried all those options and keep finding women in their mid-20s/early-30s who are already in long-term relationships, then you're probably in the wrong city or town. Get out of the Midwest (unless you're in Chicago) or the South (unless you're in Atlanta, Austin, or a similar fast-growing "magnet" city.) The Northeast corridor is full of cities and towns with women focused on graduate degrees or professional development who, like you, haven't found anyone yet.

 

[clamum]

Guys in their 20s/30s actually have more options for meeting quality wimmin, if you know where to look. Online dating may not be the best option for some, especially if you're, umm, not especially photogenic. In my experience, at least, women were a lot more receptive to me in smaller, more natural settings than they were in high school or college (perhaps I was just a late bloomer...or perhaps I was just an asshole in college. Search my post history on this forum back in 2000-2001 and figure it out.)

I guess what people find easy about dating while in school is that you're somewhat in a closed bubble environment and you see each other every day. It follows then that the easiest place to find someone is a place where both of you show up often. With that in mind, it's only natural to meet women at work. Obviously, you cannot date someone who is your manager or your direct subordinate, but there are plenty of workplace relationships that would still be acceptable. The downside of dating someone at work--obviously if it doesn't work out you'll still have to deal with each other in a professional setting.

If you are the "church"-going type [insert any religious institution here] that's always a good place to look. You're bound to see each other once a week or at least once a month, so follow-up and building rapport is easy.

Even if you're not the "church" type, there are plenty of volunteer organizations you can join and meet women that way. Fun fact, I met my wife volunteering.

I've never been one for just casually walking into a bar and striking up a conversation with a random stranger--that works for some people but not for me. Some folks like me need an excuse to mingle or something to break the ice. I find trivia nights at any local bar are a good way to meet like-minded "nerdy" people, and if that's not your thing you can browse meetup.com and find something that interests you.

Yeah I think volunteering would be a great way to meet a partner (and help other people). I haven't done any because I'm a loser but maybe I will if I can find something I'd enjoy.

Also Meetup is a great suggestion. Use their website or app to browse local groups covering about any interest imaginable.

 

[brianmanahan]

OP doesn't seem to understand a very important truth about dating and relationships: Personality can effect your x/10 score by at least 5 points in either direction. He may think he's a 9, but is coming off as a 4 irl.

but he has a personality that seems to draw everyone on ATOT to him, like flies are drawn to poop

 

[whm1974]

To be honest, my dad was single and he was able to find a woman when he was 55... Of course, he used a dating app, but the fact is that he was able to do it...

Was she much younger then 55?

 

[Mai72]

Go outside?

 

[mikeymikec]

Go outside?

Obligatory Penny Arcade strip:

 

[clamum]

I went to Barnes and Noble a couple weeks ago to look through their vinyl albums and damn man, there were TONS of gorgeous ladies there. I never realized it but that's a good frickin place to meet someone, just start making some small talk while browsing through books or music.

As was mentioned before, Meetup is a really great resource too. There's groups for about any topic you can think of (book clubs, movie watching clubs, hiking clubs, cooking, pets, etc).

Too bad I can't follow my own advice. fml

 

[rh71]

I have an attractive friend who's now 40 and single. She's always been with the wrong kind of guy (not even for their looks which was obvious) and now has been through 2 divorces and 3 natural kids, and a handful of step-kids. She's financially successful so it wasn't about that either. I think it's more about her strong personality that others may clash with. She just found someone new on match.com also separated - so the attractive and still-fun women are out there, but don't expect them to be fresh college girls without a past, and some minor(s).

 

[Fritzo]

I have an attractive friend who's 40 and single. She's always been with the wrong kind of guy (not even for their looks which was obvious) and now has been through 2 divorces and 3 natural kids, and a handful of step-kids. She's financially successful so it wasn't about that either. I think it's more about her strong personality that others may clash with. She just found someone new on match.com also separated - so the attractive and still-fun women are out there, but don't expect them to be fresh college girls without a past.

I have an office-mate in the same situation. The problem with people in their late 30's-50's is they will always come with baggage: kids, alimony, ex-spouses, abuse, personality issues...there will be something to deal with at that stage of life, so you have to be open to working around problems. It makes it really difficult to meet people. People in their 20's and early 30's are likely not at that stage yet.

 

[zinfamous]

As was mentioned before, Meetup is a really great resource too. There's groups for about any topic you can think of (book clubs, movie watching clubs, hiking clubs, cooking pets, etc).

Too bad I can't follow my own advice. fml

commas matter, bro!

shifty eyes...

 

[rh71]

If you think about it, if you just participate in more activities, there are a ton of new avenues you can open up. If you go to any kind of weekly class/club interest thing, there are plenty of women who, even if they are taken, may have friends who are single and they can play matchmaker. Get to know everyone including the ones spoken for.

 

[JM Aggie08]

If you're the best looking/dressed/most muscular, then it's probably your personality. It might come as a shock, but most women, specifically in that age range, aren't looking based on appearances alone. Hell, if you can't open or close just in general, then I'm not sure what you're expecting.

I'm glad to have been out of the dating game for the last 9 years lol. I wouldn't know what to do with the current digital landscape.

 

[clamum]

commas matter, bro!

shifty eyes...

lol oops! Didn't notice that. Yeah, that's what it was, didn't notice it.