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how come im always "depressed"

zanejohnson

zanejohnson

Diamond Member
it's so crazy to me, i mean, right now everything is going pretty OK, my business is doing well, im making good money at the moment, we have a nice place to live, me and my wife are about to have our second little girl.... i mean, it just seems like i should be overjoyed... but im not.. im always depressed, like really depressed, it seems like it started when i stopped my drug use, and the few times i've slipped up and used (maybe 3 or 4 times since i've quit, and i've been clean for almost 3 months now, that's when im happy, it like automatically reverses my depression, makes me want to just hang out and sit on the couch in front of the home theater and watch TV or movies with her and my daughter... but when i stay clean it's like i dont even want to play with my daughter and it just annoys me to talk or even be near my wife...

what the hell is wrong with me?

i've read alot about how long term opiate abuse can permanently burn out your endorphins, making you constantly depressed.... sometimes i think maybe that's what it is... i've even tried anti depressants and anxiety meds, benzos, and they just seem to make me MORE irritable now...

anyway, im just looking for opinions, am i just in a mental rut? maybe im worried because the baby is coming soon, i just dont know... i dont want to ever be an addict again, but it seems like it's the only thing that allows me to enjoy life, i just dont understand.
 
Originally posted by: SSSnail
If you're bored with the household drugs, there's always alcohol, can never be tired of alcohol.
Click to expand...

i drink rarely, but i really just dont like alcohol, i always makes me feel shitty, poisoned... i LOVE pot though, i just cant smoke it...
 
Find something (safe and) exciting to do..Get that adrenaline pumping--buy a cheap fast car, motorcycle, train martial arts, keep life from being boring and give yourself something to look forward to everyday.
 
Just reread.

i've read alot about how long term opiate abuse can permanently burn out your endorphins, making you constantly depressed.... sometimes i think maybe that's what it is... i've even tried anti depressants and anxiety meds, benzos, and they just seem to make me MORE irritable now...
Click to expand...

Been through it . . . give it a year. It gets better. I promise.
 
Originally posted by: Syringer
Find something (safe and) exciting to do..Get that adrenaline pumping--buy a cheap fast car, motorcycle, train martial arts, keep life from being boring and give yourself something to look forward to everyday.
Click to expand...

you know that is something i'd like to do, i want another DSM, a 1G Eclipse GSX, or TSi AWD,

i mean we have two decently quick cars already, but it would be nice to have a "project" car ya know.... right now my car is a 98 Accord Coupe, with an H22A swap (prelude engine) and bolt ons...intake/header/exhaust....and the car my wife drives is an impala SS, with the supercharged 3800 series V6
 
Originally posted by: blinky8225
Exercise? Cardio such as running or swimming in particular have been shown to boost endorphin levels.
Click to expand...

This will expedite the process. Good advice.:thumbsup:
 
Originally posted by: JakwoW
Just reread.

i've read alot about how long term opiate abuse can permanently burn out your endorphins, making you constantly depressed.... sometimes i think maybe that's what it is... i've even tried anti depressants and anxiety meds, benzos, and they just seem to make me MORE irritable now...
Click to expand...

Been through it . . . give it a year. It gets better. I promise.
Click to expand...

jesus a whole year? but it does get better?

did you feel like i described...like everything just sucks, even though it doesnt, like just constantly irritable and agitated?
 
Originally posted by: zanejohnson
Originally posted by: JakwoW
Just reread.

i've read alot about how long term opiate abuse can permanently burn out your endorphins, making you constantly depressed.... sometimes i think maybe that's what it is... i've even tried anti depressants and anxiety meds, benzos, and they just seem to make me MORE irritable now...
Click to expand...

Been through it . . . give it a year. It gets better. I promise.
Click to expand...

jesus a whole year? but it does get better?

did you feel like i described...like everything just sucks, even though it doesnt, like just constantly irritable and agitated?
Click to expand...

Yep. It gets better progressively. After a year you will be about back to normal. You will still have cravings, but they will be much more manageable. Your emotions will be about back on par. I'm at 4 years now, and I have to say that I'm single, making money, and happy. I'm at a point where I can partake without fear of addiction because I do everything in moderation (except the booze . . . I like the booze.)

Give it a good few weeks and you'll see that you're making progress. Look at it with a long-term perspective and you'll be fine. Hell, if you kept going down the road you were (I've read some of your posts), you might not even have been around in a year.

I'll admit, I was on a different drug, so a different beast, but the aftermath is similar. Never fun, but possible.
 
Originally posted by: JakwoW
Originally posted by: zanejohnson
Originally posted by: JakwoW
Just reread.

i've read alot about how long term opiate abuse can permanently burn out your endorphins, making you constantly depressed.... sometimes i think maybe that's what it is... i've even tried anti depressants and anxiety meds, benzos, and they just seem to make me MORE irritable now...
Click to expand...

Been through it . . . give it a year. It gets better. I promise.
Click to expand...

jesus a whole year? but it does get better?

did you feel like i described...like everything just sucks, even though it doesnt, like just constantly irritable and agitated?
Click to expand...

Yep. It gets better progressively. After a year you will be about back to normal. You will still have cravings, but they will be much more manageable. Your emotions will be about back on par. I'm at 4 years now, and I have to say that I'm single, making money, and happy. I'm at a point where I can partake without fear of addiction because I do everything in moderation (except the booze . . . I like the booze.)

Give it a good few weeks and you'll see that you're making progress. Look at it with a long-term perspective and you'll be fine. Hell, if you kept going down the road you were (I've read some of your posts), you might not even have been around in a year.

I'll admit, I was on a different drug, so a different beast, but the aftermath is similar. Never fun, but possible.
Click to expand...


thanks for the serious reply, im just gonna keep plugging away at it.
 
Originally posted by: zanejohnson
Originally posted by: JakwoW
Originally posted by: zanejohnson
Originally posted by: JakwoW
Just reread.

i've read alot about how long term opiate abuse can permanently burn out your endorphins, making you constantly depressed.... sometimes i think maybe that's what it is... i've even tried anti depressants and anxiety meds, benzos, and they just seem to make me MORE irritable now...
Click to expand...

Been through it . . . give it a year. It gets better. I promise.
Click to expand...

jesus a whole year? but it does get better?

did you feel like i described...like everything just sucks, even though it doesnt, like just constantly irritable and agitated?
Click to expand...

Yep. It gets better progressively. After a year you will be about back to normal. You will still have cravings, but they will be much more manageable. Your emotions will be about back on par. I'm at 4 years now, and I have to say that I'm single, making money, and happy. I'm at a point where I can partake without fear of addiction because I do everything in moderation (except the booze . . . I like the booze.)

Give it a good few weeks and you'll see that you're making progress. Look at it with a long-term perspective and you'll be fine. Hell, if you kept going down the road you were (I've read some of your posts), you might not even have been around in a year.

I'll admit, I was on a different drug, so a different beast, but the aftermath is similar. Never fun, but possible.
Click to expand...


thanks for the serious reply, im just gonna keep plugging away at it.
Click to expand...

That's how it's gotta go. It ain't easy. Good luck man.
 
Originally posted by: zanejohnson
it's so crazy to me, i mean, right now everything is going pretty OK, my business is doing well, im making good money at the moment, we have a nice place to live, me and my wife are about to have our second little girl.... i mean, it just seems like i should be overjoyed... but im not.. im always depressed, like really depressed, it seems like it started when i stopped my drug use, and the few times i've slipped up and used (maybe 3 or 4 times since i've quit, and i've been clean for almost 3 months now, that's when im happy, it like automatically reverses my depression, makes me want to just hang out and sit on the couch in front of the home theater and watch TV or movies with her and my daughter... but when i stay clean it's like i dont even want to play with my daughter and it just annoys me to talk or even be near my wife...

what the hell is wrong with me?

i've read alot about how long term opiate abuse can permanently burn out your endorphins, making you constantly depressed.... sometimes i think maybe that's what it is... i've even tried anti depressants and anxiety meds, benzos, and they just seem to make me MORE irritable now...

anyway, im just looking for opinions, am i just in a mental rut? maybe im worried because the baby is coming soon, i just dont know... i dont want to ever be an addict again, but it seems like it's the only thing that allows me to enjoy life, i just dont understand.
Click to expand...
alright, i'll give you a straight answer.

are you involved with anything besides work and family? i mean activities where you'd get some exercise of the body/mind, or community involvement? if not, try some of that, and it will likely help your state of mind.
 
I don't really post, I lurk.. but this thread hit me. I am a struggling and current opiate addict. Somehow despite almost two years of severe addiction I managed to finish college, move in with my girlfriend, and get a good job out of school for 50k a year. Externally this is a god damn miracle and i should feel great... but I was in tears to get out of bed this morning. Recently the only thing to get me up in the morning was knowing I had some bags to cook, or that I was hittin the block after work. It's sick and unhealthy and the money is obscene but it was all I had. Almost like H makes me a complete and normal person.

I know that isn't true, and that all this is doing is stripping me of my humanity and ability to be a real person. I'm on day two of clean time after my recent 4 week relapse/binge and the end is so far away it is hard to keep going. Do you go to NA meetings? I try, but like everything when you're this depressed its hard to get myself to go. I guess I'm trying to say there are more people in your position than you think, and some of us look just like everyone else and we can put a good mask on our true problems. People look at me and say you're doing such a good job, and inside I am burning and screaming for help. Maybe life will never be easy for us, I just hope that there are easier days ahead.

best of luck.
stiggy
 
Originally posted by: The Stig
I don't really post, I lurk.. but this thread hit me. I am a struggling and current opiate addict. Somehow despite almost two years of severe addiction I managed to finish college, move in with my girlfriend, and get a good job out of school for 50k a year. Externally this is a god damn miracle and i should feel great... but I was in tears to get out of bed this morning. Recently the only thing to get me up in the morning was knowing I had some bags to cook, or that I was hittin the block after work. It's sick and unhealthy and the money is obscene but it was all I had. Almost like H makes me a complete and normal person.

I know that isn't true, and that all this is doing is stripping me of my humanity and ability to be a real person. I'm on day two of clean time after my recent 4 week relapse/binge and the end is so far away it is hard to keep going. Do you go to NA meetings? I try, but like everything when you're this depressed its hard to get myself to go. I guess I'm trying to say there are more people in your position than you think, and some of us look just like everyone else and we can put a good mask on our true problems. People look at me and say you're doing such a good job, and inside I am burning and screaming for help. Maybe life will never be easy for us, I just hope that there are easier days ahead.

best of luck.
stiggy
Click to expand...

*hug*

severely depressed people are those who benefit the most from anti-depressant meds.
you likely don't want to take any drugs, but have you talked to anyone about this?
 
Originally posted by: moshquerade
Originally posted by: The Stig
I don't really post, I lurk.. but this thread hit me. I am a struggling and current opiate addict. Somehow despite almost two years of severe addiction I managed to finish college, move in with my girlfriend, and get a good job out of school for 50k a year. Externally this is a god damn miracle and i should feel great... but I was in tears to get out of bed this morning. Recently the only thing to get me up in the morning was knowing I had some bags to cook, or that I was hittin the block after work. It's sick and unhealthy and the money is obscene but it was all I had. Almost like H makes me a complete and normal person.

I know that isn't true, and that all this is doing is stripping me of my humanity and ability to be a real person. I'm on day two of clean time after my recent 4 week relapse/binge and the end is so far away it is hard to keep going. Do you go to NA meetings? I try, but like everything when you're this depressed its hard to get myself to go. I guess I'm trying to say there are more people in your position than you think, and some of us look just like everyone else and we can put a good mask on our true problems. People look at me and say you're doing such a good job, and inside I am burning and screaming for help. Maybe life will never be easy for us, I just hope that there are easier days ahead.

best of luck.
stiggy
Click to expand...



*hug*

severely depressed people are those who benefit the most from anti-depressant meds.
you likely don't want to take any drugs, but have you talked to anyone about this?
Click to expand...


thanks, needed that.

I had a good councelor at school, but have since moved back to my home area and haven't found anyone yet. I've been on 40mg of Paxil a day for over a year and a half and am ambiguous as to whether or not it has really made a difference or not. I'm also on suboxone maintenance which is like a methadone alternative for treatment of opiod dependance.

Iceberg - I'll never blame anyone but myself for the damage I have done, but amidst the cloud of almost hourly dope injections I nailed down dean's list every semester and graduated with honors. I watched my best friend go from a bright and inspiring person to a twisted wreck and convicted felon. I have also seen my friends, who I encouraged to try this path, be slowly broken down by something which is more powerful then anyone will ever know. It has robbed me of friends, money, happiness, and all sense of the person I was three years ago. I live with this burden every minute, every day and its more then any man should have to bear. But I'm 22, I'm young, and while I will accept responsibility I will not accept defeat, and I will not think of myself as a bad person. I am a sick person, and people like you who have never SEEN nonetheless experienced something like this can only have the easy answers. I hope you or anyone you love never turns to dope, or oxy, so you can keep your easy answers and never face the harsh reality of hopeless addiction.

Cheers,
Stiggy
 
Originally posted by: The Stig
Originally posted by: moshquerade
Originally posted by: The Stig
I don't really post, I lurk.. but this thread hit me. I am a struggling and current opiate addict. Somehow despite almost two years of severe addiction I managed to finish college, move in with my girlfriend, and get a good job out of school for 50k a year. Externally this is a god damn miracle and i should feel great... but I was in tears to get out of bed this morning. Recently the only thing to get me up in the morning was knowing I had some bags to cook, or that I was hittin the block after work. It's sick and unhealthy and the money is obscene but it was all I had. Almost like H makes me a complete and normal person.

I know that isn't true, and that all this is doing is stripping me of my humanity and ability to be a real person. I'm on day two of clean time after my recent 4 week relapse/binge and the end is so far away it is hard to keep going. Do you go to NA meetings? I try, but like everything when you're this depressed its hard to get myself to go. I guess I'm trying to say there are more people in your position than you think, and some of us look just like everyone else and we can put a good mask on our true problems. People look at me and say you're doing such a good job, and inside I am burning and screaming for help. Maybe life will never be easy for us, I just hope that there are easier days ahead.

best of luck.
stiggy
Click to expand...



*hug*

severely depressed people are those who benefit the most from anti-depressant meds.
you likely don't want to take any drugs, but have you talked to anyone about this?
Click to expand...


thanks, needed that.

I had a good councelor at school, but have since moved back to my home area and haven't found anyone yet. I've been on 40mg of Paxil a day for over a year and a half and am ambiguous as to whether or not it has really made a difference or not. I'm also on suboxone maintenance which is like a methadone alternative for treatment of opiod dependance.

Iceberg - I'll never blame anyone but myself for the damage I have done, but amidst the cloud of almost hourly dope injections I nailed down dean's list every semester and graduated with honors. I watched my best friend go from a bright and inspiring person to a twisted wreck and convicted felon. I have also seen my friends, who I encouraged to try this path, be slowly broken down by something which is more powerful then anyone will ever know. It has robbed me of friends, money, happiness, and all sense of the person I was three years ago. I live with this burden every minute, every day and its more then any man should have to bear. But I'm 22, I'm young, and while I will accept responsibility I will not accept defeat, and I will not think of myself as a bad person. I am a sick person, and people like you who have never SEEN nonetheless experienced something like this can only have the easy answers. I hope you or anyone you love never turns to dope, or oxy, so you can keep your easy answers and never face the harsh reality of hopeless addiction.

Cheers,
Stiggy
Click to expand...

Well my comment was directed at the OP not you but since you called me out:


You couldn't swallow your pride years ago and goto rehab to get help. When you are shooting dope you are beyond a counselor you need full blown rehab. You are your own worst enemy for not going.

People like me? You know nothing about me and I see addicts on a daily basis. And I know personally plenty of people that have fallen to dope especially oxy's its an epidemic here.

I know you were young dumb and invincible when you started. "Nothing could ever happen to me" Well its time to admit your not as strong as you think and goto rehab or die. Those are your options. You can't quit dope on your own especially once you've gone the route of injection. period. It doesn't happen. I don't know you and I don't care what happens to you honestly but rehab is your only hope. Good Luck.
 
I thought your business was in the stinker? Also, what happened to the Army? And why the hell would you join the Army with a second child on the way? They sure will be happy when you're shipped off to Iraq.
 
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