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SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
0
0
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: jhayx7
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: jhayx7
[If you move in less than 2 years from your condo you stand a very good chance of being upside-down on the condo. You will put more money into it than renting. Either suck it up for a bit more and save or go find a cheap rental place for the time being.



Good point. I can't say Im really familiar with the financial side of things. Would it make a difference if I were able to save up enough money for a decent down payment? Make it a better investment?

YES! You need to save up at least 20% of the purchase price to avoid having to pay PMI. You have a couple of options on beating PMI. If your credit is good enough, you can take out a mort. that equals to 80% of your purchase and a HELOC that covers the other 20%. The advantage of this is that you can write off the interest of both loans on taxes.

Now you can get even trickier. If you save up 10% of the purchase price, take out a mort. of 80% and use a credit card that has 0% APR for a year and put the other 10% on it. At the end of the year, grab another credit card with 0% APR with no transfer fee and dump the balance on it so you can avoid paying interest on the loan.

You will save thousands of $$$ if you wait and purchase a house that you know you will stay in for at least 5 years. Getting married is very expensive too so be sure to save up for that as well!

EDIT: If you don't have a credit card, open one up right now and start using it to build credit. Be sure to visit fatwallet.com they have a great forum.


Let's see...22 years old, student, commision-dependent part-time job...yeah, I'm sure he can command the necessary credit....

OP, you're jumping the gun here. Live life a little before you make commitments that staple you to the ground.



Not sure what you're getting at with that comment. Maybe saying I couldn't possibly have credit, let alone good credit? Well Im pretty sure I have decent credit. As far as I know Ive done just about everything right, credit wise.

As for the other part of your comments. Ive held full time jobs, and nearly went into a career oriented job. (Manager type work). But decided against it. Thats when I quit the job I was at in order to finish school (finally decided what I wanted to do) and take a part time job ( by choice ) so I could concentrate more fully on school. Not to mention I make more than every full timer I work with.


I'd also like to point out that Im hardly jumping the gun. If I was jumping the gun I wouldn't be asking for advice here. This is simply something Im entertaining the thought of. I plan on doing my research entirely before I jump to any decisions.
Then why can't you propose? Should she wait until you have YOUR home paid for? Should she wait until you have YOUR car paid for? Should she wait until YOUR taxes are paid for?

If you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, you should propose. Both of you negotiating these other financial decisions will strengthen your marriage later on. But you have to give her a chance.
 

Cuda1447

Lifer
Jul 26, 2002
11,757
0
71
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,866
31,364
146
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: jhayx7
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: jhayx7
[If you move in less than 2 years from your condo you stand a very good chance of being upside-down on the condo. You will put more money into it than renting. Either suck it up for a bit more and save or go find a cheap rental place for the time being.



Good point. I can't say Im really familiar with the financial side of things. Would it make a difference if I were able to save up enough money for a decent down payment? Make it a better investment?

YES! You need to save up at least 20% of the purchase price to avoid having to pay PMI. You have a couple of options on beating PMI. If your credit is good enough, you can take out a mort. that equals to 80% of your purchase and a HELOC that covers the other 20%. The advantage of this is that you can write off the interest of both loans on taxes.

Now you can get even trickier. If you save up 10% of the purchase price, take out a mort. of 80% and use a credit card that has 0% APR for a year and put the other 10% on it. At the end of the year, grab another credit card with 0% APR with no transfer fee and dump the balance on it so you can avoid paying interest on the loan.

You will save thousands of $$$ if you wait and purchase a house that you know you will stay in for at least 5 years. Getting married is very expensive too so be sure to save up for that as well!

EDIT: If you don't have a credit card, open one up right now and start using it to build credit. Be sure to visit fatwallet.com they have a great forum.


Let's see...22 years old, student, commision-dependent part-time job...yeah, I'm sure he can command the necessary credit....

OP, you're jumping the gun here. Live life a little before you make commitments that staple you to the ground.



Not sure what you're getting at with that comment. Maybe saying I couldn't possibly have credit, let alone good credit? Well Im pretty sure I have decent credit. As far as I know Ive done just about everything right, credit wise.

As for the other part of your comments. Ive held full time jobs, and nearly went into a career oriented job. (Manager type work). But decided against it. Thats when I quit the job I was at in order to finish school (finally decided what I wanted to do) and take a part time job ( by choice ) so I could concentrate more fully on school. Not to mention I make more than every full timer I work with.


I'd also like to point out that Im hardly jumping the gun. If I was jumping the gun I wouldn't be asking for advice here. This is simply something Im entertaining the thought of. I plan on doing my research entirely before I jump to any decisions.


I'm not trying to knock your credit; I'm just saying that to get the kind of credit that you need to get the downpayment discussed takes many years of credit, and history of contractual payment. The car payment is good, but a solid rent history with references is much better :) Most of us have been 22, in school, part-time jobs with fluctuating income...I'm not knocking that at all. I'm simpoly saying that it isn't the greatest thing in the Bank manager's mind when he's thinking about giving you a 300-500k loan.

Well, it sounds like you have some more hidden details about your work history that go in your favor. I think most people read your first post of part-time commision-dependent job as "Best Buy or Bannana Republic lackey." It seems that's not the case :)
 

Cuda1447

Lifer
Jul 26, 2002
11,757
0
71
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: jhayx7
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: jhayx7
[If you move in less than 2 years from your condo you stand a very good chance of being upside-down on the condo. You will put more money into it than renting. Either suck it up for a bit more and save or go find a cheap rental place for the time being.



Good point. I can't say Im really familiar with the financial side of things. Would it make a difference if I were able to save up enough money for a decent down payment? Make it a better investment?

YES! You need to save up at least 20% of the purchase price to avoid having to pay PMI. You have a couple of options on beating PMI. If your credit is good enough, you can take out a mort. that equals to 80% of your purchase and a HELOC that covers the other 20%. The advantage of this is that you can write off the interest of both loans on taxes.

Now you can get even trickier. If you save up 10% of the purchase price, take out a mort. of 80% and use a credit card that has 0% APR for a year and put the other 10% on it. At the end of the year, grab another credit card with 0% APR with no transfer fee and dump the balance on it so you can avoid paying interest on the loan.

You will save thousands of $$$ if you wait and purchase a house that you know you will stay in for at least 5 years. Getting married is very expensive too so be sure to save up for that as well!

EDIT: If you don't have a credit card, open one up right now and start using it to build credit. Be sure to visit fatwallet.com they have a great forum.


Let's see...22 years old, student, commision-dependent part-time job...yeah, I'm sure he can command the necessary credit....

OP, you're jumping the gun here. Live life a little before you make commitments that staple you to the ground.



Not sure what you're getting at with that comment. Maybe saying I couldn't possibly have credit, let alone good credit? Well Im pretty sure I have decent credit. As far as I know Ive done just about everything right, credit wise.

As for the other part of your comments. Ive held full time jobs, and nearly went into a career oriented job. (Manager type work). But decided against it. Thats when I quit the job I was at in order to finish school (finally decided what I wanted to do) and take a part time job ( by choice ) so I could concentrate more fully on school. Not to mention I make more than every full timer I work with.


I'd also like to point out that Im hardly jumping the gun. If I was jumping the gun I wouldn't be asking for advice here. This is simply something Im entertaining the thought of. I plan on doing my research entirely before I jump to any decisions.
Then why can't you propose? Should she wait until you have YOUR home paid for? Should she wait until you have YOUR car paid for? Should she wait until YOUR taxes are paid for?

If you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, you should propose. Both of you negotiating these other financial decisions will strengthen your marriage later on. But you have to give her a chance.


Eh, Im not sure the point you're trying to make? The reason for not proposing is simple. When I propose I want to be able to afford a nice ring. I want to be able to pay for whatever kind of wedding she wants. I want to be able to afford a nice honeymoon. I don't want to be strapped for cash, as its something I plan on doing ONCE. I want it to be memorable.

Besides, whats the rush? All in all - marriage is just a title. If Im with her Im with her. Doesn't matter to me if she's called my g/f, my fiance', my wife or my doppleganger. She's still the most wonderful/beautiful girl in the world that I love more than anything.


 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,866
31,364
146
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?


You're right, and it's good to be thinking about it the way that you are. I'd say chances are more likely that value will increase; but real estate will only ever be speculation.

I'm sure you trust your GF and you guys have great things going on with each other. ...But I imagine anyone you talk to--your parents especially, will give you the same advice about that part of your plans that we have. If you end up renting with her, you want her name on the lease. If you buy, you want it in your name only. That makes it safer for BOTH of you.

So you're very confident about the relationship...were you guys betrothed at the age of 2 by your parents? Is she on a green card? I kid, I kid....;)
 

SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
0
0
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: jhayx7
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: jhayx7
[If you move in less than 2 years from your condo you stand a very good chance of being upside-down on the condo. You will put more money into it than renting. Either suck it up for a bit more and save or go find a cheap rental place for the time being.



Good point. I can't say Im really familiar with the financial side of things. Would it make a difference if I were able to save up enough money for a decent down payment? Make it a better investment?

YES! You need to save up at least 20% of the purchase price to avoid having to pay PMI. You have a couple of options on beating PMI. If your credit is good enough, you can take out a mort. that equals to 80% of your purchase and a HELOC that covers the other 20%. The advantage of this is that you can write off the interest of both loans on taxes.

Now you can get even trickier. If you save up 10% of the purchase price, take out a mort. of 80% and use a credit card that has 0% APR for a year and put the other 10% on it. At the end of the year, grab another credit card with 0% APR with no transfer fee and dump the balance on it so you can avoid paying interest on the loan.

You will save thousands of $$$ if you wait and purchase a house that you know you will stay in for at least 5 years. Getting married is very expensive too so be sure to save up for that as well!

EDIT: If you don't have a credit card, open one up right now and start using it to build credit. Be sure to visit fatwallet.com they have a great forum.


Let's see...22 years old, student, commision-dependent part-time job...yeah, I'm sure he can command the necessary credit....

OP, you're jumping the gun here. Live life a little before you make commitments that staple you to the ground.



Not sure what you're getting at with that comment. Maybe saying I couldn't possibly have credit, let alone good credit? Well Im pretty sure I have decent credit. As far as I know Ive done just about everything right, credit wise.

As for the other part of your comments. Ive held full time jobs, and nearly went into a career oriented job. (Manager type work). But decided against it. Thats when I quit the job I was at in order to finish school (finally decided what I wanted to do) and take a part time job ( by choice ) so I could concentrate more fully on school. Not to mention I make more than every full timer I work with.


I'd also like to point out that Im hardly jumping the gun. If I was jumping the gun I wouldn't be asking for advice here. This is simply something Im entertaining the thought of. I plan on doing my research entirely before I jump to any decisions.
Then why can't you propose? Should she wait until you have YOUR home paid for? Should she wait until you have YOUR car paid for? Should she wait until YOUR taxes are paid for?

If you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, you should propose. Both of you negotiating these other financial decisions will strengthen your marriage later on. But you have to give her a chance.


Eh, Im not sure the point you're trying to make? The reason for not proposing is simple. When I propose I want to be able to afford a nice ring. I want to be able to pay for whatever kind of wedding she wants. I want to be able to afford a nice honeymoon. I don't want to be strapped for cash, as its something I plan on doing ONCE. I want it to be memorable.

Besides, whats the rush? All in all - marriage is just a title. If Im with her Im with her. Doesn't matter to me if she's called my g/f, my fiance', my wife or my doppleganger. She's still the most wonderful/beautiful girl in the world that I love more than anything.
I guess everybody needs a first wedding. Putting yourself in debt to start off your marriage is not a good idea.

You might hate me but anybody that's ever been married before planned on that being their only marriage. If you didn't think it would be your only marriage what's the point right?

It's kinda funny though how you talk about a marriage costing so much (including the ring) and then saying that it's only a title. That says tons about you.
 

Cuda1447

Lifer
Jul 26, 2002
11,757
0
71
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?


You're right, and it's good to be thinking about it the way that you are. I'd say chances are more likely that value will increase; but real estate will only ever be speculation.

I'm sure you trust your GF and you guys have great things going on with each other. ...But I imagine anyone you talk to--your parents especially, will give you the same advice about that part of your plans that we have. If you end up renting with her, you want her name on the lease. If you buy, you want it in your name only. That makes it safer for BOTH of you.

So you're very confident about the relationship...were you guys betrothed at the age of 2 by your parents? Is she on a green card? I kid, I kid....;)


Let's put it this way. In the 3 1/2 years we've been dating we've had two fights. One was about me cheating in scrabble. (Do you consider that a fight? I know my g/f was pissed at me, and I kept denying it haha) and the other I honestly don't even remember. But I do know we had a minor quibble about something. Not sure if its a good thing or bad thing that we get along so well (I'd lean towards good, since this isn't a fluke after 3+ years). All I know is that I love this girl more than anything in the world and would give anything to for her. I love every minute Im with her and consider her not only my beautiful girlfriend, but obviously my best friend. I know without a doubt she feels the same way about me.

Enough about that though. I'm starting to turn this into a YAGT /me pukes.
 

SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
0
0
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?


You're right, and it's good to be thinking about it the way that you are. I'd say chances are more likely that value will increase; but real estate will only ever be speculation.

I'm sure you trust your GF and you guys have great things going on with each other. ...But I imagine anyone you talk to--your parents especially, will give you the same advice about that part of your plans that we have. If you end up renting with her, you want her name on the lease. If you buy, you want it in your name only. That makes it safer for BOTH of you.

So you're very confident about the relationship...were you guys betrothed at the age of 2 by your parents? Is she on a green card? I kid, I kid....;)


Let's put it this way. In the 3 1/2 years we've been dating we've had two fights. One was about me cheating in scrabble. (Do you consider that a fight? I know my g/f was pissed at me, and I kept denying it haha) and the other I honestly don't even remember. But I do know we had a minor quibble about something. Not sure if its a good thing or bad thing that we get along so well (I'd lean towards good, since this isn't a fluke after 3+ years). All I know is that I love this girl more than anything in the world and would give anything to for her. I love every minute Im with her and consider her not only my beautiful girlfriend, but obviously my best friend. I know without a doubt she feels the same way about me.

Enough about that though. I'm starting to turn this into a YAGT /me pukes.
Then why do you have such a big problem signing a year-long lease with her? If you're so certain you'll never fight over anything more important than Scrabble you have nothing to worry about. So just try how you two live together for a year.
 

Cuda1447

Lifer
Jul 26, 2002
11,757
0
71
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: jhayx7
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: jhayx7
[If you move in less than 2 years from your condo you stand a very good chance of being upside-down on the condo. You will put more money into it than renting. Either suck it up for a bit more and save or go find a cheap rental place for the time being.



Good point. I can't say Im really familiar with the financial side of things. Would it make a difference if I were able to save up enough money for a decent down payment? Make it a better investment?

YES! You need to save up at least 20% of the purchase price to avoid having to pay PMI. You have a couple of options on beating PMI. If your credit is good enough, you can take out a mort. that equals to 80% of your purchase and a HELOC that covers the other 20%. The advantage of this is that you can write off the interest of both loans on taxes.

Now you can get even trickier. If you save up 10% of the purchase price, take out a mort. of 80% and use a credit card that has 0% APR for a year and put the other 10% on it. At the end of the year, grab another credit card with 0% APR with no transfer fee and dump the balance on it so you can avoid paying interest on the loan.

You will save thousands of $$$ if you wait and purchase a house that you know you will stay in for at least 5 years. Getting married is very expensive too so be sure to save up for that as well!

EDIT: If you don't have a credit card, open one up right now and start using it to build credit. Be sure to visit fatwallet.com they have a great forum.


Let's see...22 years old, student, commision-dependent part-time job...yeah, I'm sure he can command the necessary credit....

OP, you're jumping the gun here. Live life a little before you make commitments that staple you to the ground.



Not sure what you're getting at with that comment. Maybe saying I couldn't possibly have credit, let alone good credit? Well Im pretty sure I have decent credit. As far as I know Ive done just about everything right, credit wise.

As for the other part of your comments. Ive held full time jobs, and nearly went into a career oriented job. (Manager type work). But decided against it. Thats when I quit the job I was at in order to finish school (finally decided what I wanted to do) and take a part time job ( by choice ) so I could concentrate more fully on school. Not to mention I make more than every full timer I work with.


I'd also like to point out that Im hardly jumping the gun. If I was jumping the gun I wouldn't be asking for advice here. This is simply something Im entertaining the thought of. I plan on doing my research entirely before I jump to any decisions.
Then why can't you propose? Should she wait until you have YOUR home paid for? Should she wait until you have YOUR car paid for? Should she wait until YOUR taxes are paid for?

If you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, you should propose. Both of you negotiating these other financial decisions will strengthen your marriage later on. But you have to give her a chance.


Eh, Im not sure the point you're trying to make? The reason for not proposing is simple. When I propose I want to be able to afford a nice ring. I want to be able to pay for whatever kind of wedding she wants. I want to be able to afford a nice honeymoon. I don't want to be strapped for cash, as its something I plan on doing ONCE. I want it to be memorable.

Besides, whats the rush? All in all - marriage is just a title. If Im with her Im with her. Doesn't matter to me if she's called my g/f, my fiance', my wife or my doppleganger. She's still the most wonderful/beautiful girl in the world that I love more than anything.
I guess everybody needs a first wedding. Putting yourself in debt to start off your marriage is not a good idea.

You might hate me but anybody that's ever been married before planned on that being their only marriage. If you didn't think it would be your only marriage what's the point right?

It's kinda funny though how you talk about a marriage costing so much (including the ring) and then saying that it's only a title. That says tons about you.


What does it say about me? Weddings are expensive. Nice rings are expensive as well. Honeymoons are even more. All those things can come in time - when I can afford to have them all be nice. The girl doesn't change though, and neither do the feelings I have for her. So again, what does that say about me?
 

SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
0
0
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: jhayx7
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: jhayx7
[If you move in less than 2 years from your condo you stand a very good chance of being upside-down on the condo. You will put more money into it than renting. Either suck it up for a bit more and save or go find a cheap rental place for the time being.



Good point. I can't say Im really familiar with the financial side of things. Would it make a difference if I were able to save up enough money for a decent down payment? Make it a better investment?

YES! You need to save up at least 20% of the purchase price to avoid having to pay PMI. You have a couple of options on beating PMI. If your credit is good enough, you can take out a mort. that equals to 80% of your purchase and a HELOC that covers the other 20%. The advantage of this is that you can write off the interest of both loans on taxes.

Now you can get even trickier. If you save up 10% of the purchase price, take out a mort. of 80% and use a credit card that has 0% APR for a year and put the other 10% on it. At the end of the year, grab another credit card with 0% APR with no transfer fee and dump the balance on it so you can avoid paying interest on the loan.

You will save thousands of $$$ if you wait and purchase a house that you know you will stay in for at least 5 years. Getting married is very expensive too so be sure to save up for that as well!

EDIT: If you don't have a credit card, open one up right now and start using it to build credit. Be sure to visit fatwallet.com they have a great forum.


Let's see...22 years old, student, commision-dependent part-time job...yeah, I'm sure he can command the necessary credit....

OP, you're jumping the gun here. Live life a little before you make commitments that staple you to the ground.



Not sure what you're getting at with that comment. Maybe saying I couldn't possibly have credit, let alone good credit? Well Im pretty sure I have decent credit. As far as I know Ive done just about everything right, credit wise.

As for the other part of your comments. Ive held full time jobs, and nearly went into a career oriented job. (Manager type work). But decided against it. Thats when I quit the job I was at in order to finish school (finally decided what I wanted to do) and take a part time job ( by choice ) so I could concentrate more fully on school. Not to mention I make more than every full timer I work with.


I'd also like to point out that Im hardly jumping the gun. If I was jumping the gun I wouldn't be asking for advice here. This is simply something Im entertaining the thought of. I plan on doing my research entirely before I jump to any decisions.
Then why can't you propose? Should she wait until you have YOUR home paid for? Should she wait until you have YOUR car paid for? Should she wait until YOUR taxes are paid for?

If you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, you should propose. Both of you negotiating these other financial decisions will strengthen your marriage later on. But you have to give her a chance.


Eh, Im not sure the point you're trying to make? The reason for not proposing is simple. When I propose I want to be able to afford a nice ring. I want to be able to pay for whatever kind of wedding she wants. I want to be able to afford a nice honeymoon. I don't want to be strapped for cash, as its something I plan on doing ONCE. I want it to be memorable.

Besides, whats the rush? All in all - marriage is just a title. If Im with her Im with her. Doesn't matter to me if she's called my g/f, my fiance', my wife or my doppleganger. She's still the most wonderful/beautiful girl in the world that I love more than anything.
I guess everybody needs a first wedding. Putting yourself in debt to start off your marriage is not a good idea.

You might hate me but anybody that's ever been married before planned on that being their only marriage. If you didn't think it would be your only marriage what's the point right?

It's kinda funny though how you talk about a marriage costing so much (including the ring) and then saying that it's only a title. That says tons about you.


What does it say about me? Weddings are expensive. Nice rings are expensive as well. Honeymoons are even more. All those things can come in time - when I can afford to have them all be nice. The girl doesn't change though, and neither do the feelings I have for her. So again, what does that say about me?
Trust me. Expensive things don't make a marriage. At least not a long-lasting one.
 

Cuda1447

Lifer
Jul 26, 2002
11,757
0
71
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?


You're right, and it's good to be thinking about it the way that you are. I'd say chances are more likely that value will increase; but real estate will only ever be speculation.

I'm sure you trust your GF and you guys have great things going on with each other. ...But I imagine anyone you talk to--your parents especially, will give you the same advice about that part of your plans that we have. If you end up renting with her, you want her name on the lease. If you buy, you want it in your name only. That makes it safer for BOTH of you.

So you're very confident about the relationship...were you guys betrothed at the age of 2 by your parents? Is she on a green card? I kid, I kid....;)


Let's put it this way. In the 3 1/2 years we've been dating we've had two fights. One was about me cheating in scrabble. (Do you consider that a fight? I know my g/f was pissed at me, and I kept denying it haha) and the other I honestly don't even remember. But I do know we had a minor quibble about something. Not sure if its a good thing or bad thing that we get along so well (I'd lean towards good, since this isn't a fluke after 3+ years). All I know is that I love this girl more than anything in the world and would give anything to for her. I love every minute Im with her and consider her not only my beautiful girlfriend, but obviously my best friend. I know without a doubt she feels the same way about me.

Enough about that though. I'm starting to turn this into a YAGT /me pukes.
Then why do you have such a big problem signing a year-long lease with her? If you're so certain you'll never fight over anything more important than Scrabble you have nothing to worry about. So just try how you two live together for a year.



Im not for or against it. Im simply saying that me trusing her is the least of my concerns. Im worried about the financial implications this will have on my life. Not whether or not my relationship is going to last.
 

Cuda1447

Lifer
Jul 26, 2002
11,757
0
71
"Trust me. Expensive things don't make a marriage. At least not a long-lasting one."


You're correct, they don't. However, there is nothing wrong with having them. So I still fail to see what that says about me? Does it say I want to afford a nice wedding/rings/honeymoon? Does that make me shallow or something? :confused:
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,866
31,364
146
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: jhayx7
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: jhayx7
[If you move in less than 2 years from your condo you stand a very good chance of being upside-down on the condo. You will put more money into it than renting. Either suck it up for a bit more and save or go find a cheap rental place for the time being.



Good point. I can't say Im really familiar with the financial side of things. Would it make a difference if I were able to save up enough money for a decent down payment? Make it a better investment?

YES! You need to save up at least 20% of the purchase price to avoid having to pay PMI. You have a couple of options on beating PMI. If your credit is good enough, you can take out a mort. that equals to 80% of your purchase and a HELOC that covers the other 20%. The advantage of this is that you can write off the interest of both loans on taxes.

Now you can get even trickier. If you save up 10% of the purchase price, take out a mort. of 80% and use a credit card that has 0% APR for a year and put the other 10% on it. At the end of the year, grab another credit card with 0% APR with no transfer fee and dump the balance on it so you can avoid paying interest on the loan.

You will save thousands of $$$ if you wait and purchase a house that you know you will stay in for at least 5 years. Getting married is very expensive too so be sure to save up for that as well!

EDIT: If you don't have a credit card, open one up right now and start using it to build credit. Be sure to visit fatwallet.com they have a great forum.


Let's see...22 years old, student, commision-dependent part-time job...yeah, I'm sure he can command the necessary credit....

OP, you're jumping the gun here. Live life a little before you make commitments that staple you to the ground.



Not sure what you're getting at with that comment. Maybe saying I couldn't possibly have credit, let alone good credit? Well Im pretty sure I have decent credit. As far as I know Ive done just about everything right, credit wise.

As for the other part of your comments. Ive held full time jobs, and nearly went into a career oriented job. (Manager type work). But decided against it. Thats when I quit the job I was at in order to finish school (finally decided what I wanted to do) and take a part time job ( by choice ) so I could concentrate more fully on school. Not to mention I make more than every full timer I work with.


I'd also like to point out that Im hardly jumping the gun. If I was jumping the gun I wouldn't be asking for advice here. This is simply something Im entertaining the thought of. I plan on doing my research entirely before I jump to any decisions.
Then why can't you propose? Should she wait until you have YOUR home paid for? Should she wait until you have YOUR car paid for? Should she wait until YOUR taxes are paid for?

If you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, you should propose. Both of you negotiating these other financial decisions will strengthen your marriage later on. But you have to give her a chance.


Eh, Im not sure the point you're trying to make? The reason for not proposing is simple. When I propose I want to be able to afford a nice ring. I want to be able to pay for whatever kind of wedding she wants. I want to be able to afford a nice honeymoon. I don't want to be strapped for cash, as its something I plan on doing ONCE. I want it to be memorable.

Besides, whats the rush? All in all - marriage is just a title. If Im with her Im with her. Doesn't matter to me if she's called my g/f, my fiance', my wife or my doppleganger. She's still the most wonderful/beautiful girl in the world that I love more than anything.


very valid. But if you're the type to spend several G's on a ring (don't go gold dude--uber tacky), organize a serious wedding with ~100 guests, reception, rehearsal dinner (with band, open bar, catered spread, country club or shriner house rental), gifts for the wedding party....then you're looking at 20grand+ ...and don't forget the flowers...add an extra 5 for a honeymoon in Hawaii.....What I'm getting at, is that saving up and being in a position to buy property will put a wedding like this off for at least 5 years (well, I'm not privy to your finances, but unless your a 22 year-old Rickey Shroeder, I'm thinking you're like the rest of "us"), or vice-versa. I'm assuming, of course, what you mean by "dong it right"

However, my brother and his wife planned a very small, calssy wedding for ~3g. (It helps to have friends who are Opera singers, wine reps, etc that can provide a lot of the traditional overhead for free ;)) This was a week after he graduated from med school, looking at his student loans and inheriting his wife's loans (Emory undergrad, UNC grad, Duke grad for her....the thought makes me cringe...).

Sounds like you plan well, though; so you may be the type to do it "the right way" in a sensible fashion (unlike my cousins...yikes!), and time it well with the rest of your financial headaches...gl dude
 

SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
0
0
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?


You're right, and it's good to be thinking about it the way that you are. I'd say chances are more likely that value will increase; but real estate will only ever be speculation.

I'm sure you trust your GF and you guys have great things going on with each other. ...But I imagine anyone you talk to--your parents especially, will give you the same advice about that part of your plans that we have. If you end up renting with her, you want her name on the lease. If you buy, you want it in your name only. That makes it safer for BOTH of you.

So you're very confident about the relationship...were you guys betrothed at the age of 2 by your parents? Is she on a green card? I kid, I kid....;)


Let's put it this way. In the 3 1/2 years we've been dating we've had two fights. One was about me cheating in scrabble. (Do you consider that a fight? I know my g/f was pissed at me, and I kept denying it haha) and the other I honestly don't even remember. But I do know we had a minor quibble about something. Not sure if its a good thing or bad thing that we get along so well (I'd lean towards good, since this isn't a fluke after 3+ years). All I know is that I love this girl more than anything in the world and would give anything to for her. I love every minute Im with her and consider her not only my beautiful girlfriend, but obviously my best friend. I know without a doubt she feels the same way about me.

Enough about that though. I'm starting to turn this into a YAGT /me pukes.
Then why do you have such a big problem signing a year-long lease with her? If you're so certain you'll never fight over anything more important than Scrabble you have nothing to worry about. So just try how you two live together for a year.



Im not for or against it. Im simply saying that me trusing her is the least of my concerns. Im worried about the financial implications this will have on my life. Not whether or not my relationship is going to last.
You're so fvcking selfish. She doesn't know how the relationship is going to last any more than you do. Implications on your life? Gimme a break. There are implications on her life as well. You're not any more important than she is.

Why does she have to implicitly trust you? That must be because you don't trust her financially. Is it because you have money or because you can get a longer line of credit? Gimme a break. You are so full of yourself that it's not even funny.

You can't even begin to think of putting yourself in her position. If you can't do that, you don't deserve to marry her.
 

Cuda1447

Lifer
Jul 26, 2002
11,757
0
71
Thanks zin. I'll be sure to bump this thread in a few years to let everyone know how it turns out. Assuming of course I still have internet connection and Im not a single bum living in a box on the side of the street. :p
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,866
31,364
146
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?


You're right, and it's good to be thinking about it the way that you are. I'd say chances are more likely that value will increase; but real estate will only ever be speculation.

I'm sure you trust your GF and you guys have great things going on with each other. ...But I imagine anyone you talk to--your parents especially, will give you the same advice about that part of your plans that we have. If you end up renting with her, you want her name on the lease. If you buy, you want it in your name only. That makes it safer for BOTH of you.

So you're very confident about the relationship...were you guys betrothed at the age of 2 by your parents? Is she on a green card? I kid, I kid....;)


Let's put it this way. In the 3 1/2 years we've been dating we've had two fights. One was about me cheating in scrabble. (Do you consider that a fight? I know my g/f was pissed at me, and I kept denying it haha) and the other I honestly don't even remember. But I do know we had a minor quibble about something. Not sure if its a good thing or bad thing that we get along so well (I'd lean towards good, since this isn't a fluke after 3+ years). All I know is that I love this girl more than anything in the world and would give anything to for her. I love every minute Im with her and consider her not only my beautiful girlfriend, but obviously my best friend. I know without a doubt she feels the same way about me.

Enough about that though. I'm starting to turn this into a YAGT /me pukes.
Then why do you have such a big problem signing a year-long lease with her? If you're so certain you'll never fight over anything more important than Scrabble you have nothing to worry about. So just try how you two live together for a year.



Im not for or against it. Im simply saying that me trusing her is the least of my concerns. Im worried about the financial implications this will have on my life. Not whether or not my relationship is going to last.


Again, it's not about whether or not you trust each other. It's about protecting both of you. Seriously...
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,866
31,364
146
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Thanks zin. I'll be sure to bump this thread in a few years to let everyone know how it turns out. Assuming of course I still have internet connection and Im not a single bum living in a box on the side of the street. :p


you can move in next to me ;) i call dibs on teh heating vent.
 

Cuda1447

Lifer
Jul 26, 2002
11,757
0
71
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?


You're right, and it's good to be thinking about it the way that you are. I'd say chances are more likely that value will increase; but real estate will only ever be speculation.

I'm sure you trust your GF and you guys have great things going on with each other. ...But I imagine anyone you talk to--your parents especially, will give you the same advice about that part of your plans that we have. If you end up renting with her, you want her name on the lease. If you buy, you want it in your name only. That makes it safer for BOTH of you.

So you're very confident about the relationship...were you guys betrothed at the age of 2 by your parents? Is she on a green card? I kid, I kid....;)


Let's put it this way. In the 3 1/2 years we've been dating we've had two fights. One was about me cheating in scrabble. (Do you consider that a fight? I know my g/f was pissed at me, and I kept denying it haha) and the other I honestly don't even remember. But I do know we had a minor quibble about something. Not sure if its a good thing or bad thing that we get along so well (I'd lean towards good, since this isn't a fluke after 3+ years). All I know is that I love this girl more than anything in the world and would give anything to for her. I love every minute Im with her and consider her not only my beautiful girlfriend, but obviously my best friend. I know without a doubt she feels the same way about me.

Enough about that though. I'm starting to turn this into a YAGT /me pukes.
Then why do you have such a big problem signing a year-long lease with her? If you're so certain you'll never fight over anything more important than Scrabble you have nothing to worry about. So just try how you two live together for a year.



Im not for or against it. Im simply saying that me trusing her is the least of my concerns. Im worried about the financial implications this will have on my life. Not whether or not my relationship is going to last.
You're so fvcking selfish. She doesn't know how the relationship is going to last any more than you do. Implications on your life? Gimme a break. There are implications on her life as well. You're not any more important than she is.

Why does she have to implicitly trust you? That must be because you don't trust her financially. Is it because you have money or because you can get a longer line of credit? Gimme a break. You are so full of yourself that it's not even funny.

You can't even begin to think of putting yourself in her position. If you can't do that, you don't deserve to marry her.



Wow, now I know why you have such a negative view of relationships. You're a basket case. I don't even know wtf you're rambling about anymore. Just do us all a favor and drop it. I don't need/want anymore of your 'advice'.


*edit* Maybe I should choose my words more carefully. I should have said OUR life - because I look at things in terms of OUR financial situation. Not just mine.
 

SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
0
0
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Good point about the market going down and only being in the place for 2 years. (Was just a guess really...). Thats a very valid point.


I wasn't trying to ignore your other advice. Im simply more concerned with the financial advice, rather than the trust/future with my girlfriend. Something Im simply not worried about in the least.


Another factor though. My g/f currently pays 600 per month for her place. She's paying that from her student loans. If you applied that toward a mortage - lets assume a 1000 mortage. Thats only 400 dollars difference we have to make up. So basically 400 dollars more. Is that worth the risk of owning something that could potentially go up in value a great deal? (And is likely to, Im assuming?) I know its a gamble, but so is any investing. You just have to take calculated risks. Im trying to figure out if this is a good place to take a calculated risk?


You're right, and it's good to be thinking about it the way that you are. I'd say chances are more likely that value will increase; but real estate will only ever be speculation.

I'm sure you trust your GF and you guys have great things going on with each other. ...But I imagine anyone you talk to--your parents especially, will give you the same advice about that part of your plans that we have. If you end up renting with her, you want her name on the lease. If you buy, you want it in your name only. That makes it safer for BOTH of you.

So you're very confident about the relationship...were you guys betrothed at the age of 2 by your parents? Is she on a green card? I kid, I kid....;)


Let's put it this way. In the 3 1/2 years we've been dating we've had two fights. One was about me cheating in scrabble. (Do you consider that a fight? I know my g/f was pissed at me, and I kept denying it haha) and the other I honestly don't even remember. But I do know we had a minor quibble about something. Not sure if its a good thing or bad thing that we get along so well (I'd lean towards good, since this isn't a fluke after 3+ years). All I know is that I love this girl more than anything in the world and would give anything to for her. I love every minute Im with her and consider her not only my beautiful girlfriend, but obviously my best friend. I know without a doubt she feels the same way about me.

Enough about that though. I'm starting to turn this into a YAGT /me pukes.
Then why do you have such a big problem signing a year-long lease with her? If you're so certain you'll never fight over anything more important than Scrabble you have nothing to worry about. So just try how you two live together for a year.



Im not for or against it. Im simply saying that me trusing her is the least of my concerns. Im worried about the financial implications this will have on my life. Not whether or not my relationship is going to last.
You're so fvcking selfish. She doesn't know how the relationship is going to last any more than you do. Implications on your life? Gimme a break. There are implications on her life as well. You're not any more important than she is.

Why does she have to implicitly trust you? That must be because you don't trust her financially. Is it because you have money or because you can get a longer line of credit? Gimme a break. You are so full of yourself that it's not even funny.

You can't even begin to think of putting yourself in her position. If you can't do that, you don't deserve to marry her.



Wow, now I know why you have such a negative view of relationships. You're a basket case. I don't even know wtf you're rambling about anymore. Just do us all a favor and drop it. I don't need/want anymore of your 'advice'.


*edit* Maybe I should choose my words more carefully. I should have said OUR life - because I look at things in terms of OUR financial situation. Not just mine.
I'm not a basket case. But thanks for assuming.

Sounds to me like you just want control. You say that trusting her is the least of your concerns but that you're worried about the financial implications that your wedding will have on your life and not on whether your relationship will last. You're seem to be very worried about appearances.

If I was your girlfriend and just read that, I'd drop your ass.
 

erub

Diamond Member
Jun 21, 2000
5,481
0
0
Buying a condo right now is pretty stupid. First of all, rent isn't throwing money away. My parents have (at least relative to you and me) plenty of money and considered paying CASH for a condo in Atlanta where I am currently attending graduate school. Why did they not do it, and did we decide to rent? Because putting that money into the real estate market takes it out of my dad's hands on the stock market, of which he can beat real estate iappreciation without the risk of floods, new units coming online and downgrading the condo value, paying taxes, HOA fees, etc. Everybody and their brother is in the real estate market these days. HINT: THIS DOES NOT MAKE FOR A GOOD INVESTMENT.

You say you want a nice wedding--first of all, am I the only one who notices that he thinks he has to pay for the wedding..what about the girl's family? Aren't they behind you too? (If not, you're screwed). Traditionally the girl's family pays for weddings, and the man is responsible for the honeymoon. Furthermore, what do they think about you two living together while still in school (and not married?) -- much less buying a house together (a completely dumb move, as pointed out often in this thread).

If you think you have money to "invest", open up a Roth IRA, contribute the max for 2006, and then for 2007. You can take out your contributions at any time, and up to 10K of your earnings for a first-time home purchase. This is how I am looking at saving for my personal downpayment, and its coming along quite well. In the meantime, find a cheap apartment and rent together. Next year you might be going off to gradaute school, do you really want to limit yourself to schools in that area?
 
Dec 27, 2001
11,272
1
0
Smoochy's poihnt was that if you wait to get married until you're fiancial stable, you'll never get married. You'll always be needing to pay off something or save this much.

My wife and I got married around your age. We were both making almost nothing as basically office shmucks at our companies. Even then, we managed to support ourselves without accruing any debt in the SF Bay area. Incredible looking back on it and there's no doubt we were blessed. We even had the nerve to have her quit for six months and finish her degree by taking 7 classes a quarter. Soon after she quit, I moved to the IT department and started getting raises. Then we moved to a more affordable area and bought a house and she immediately got pregnant and now stays home with our little girls and I make enough for us to live comfortably. The best part is that we've been sharing our lives with each other throughout all of this and we look back on those early years fondly.

Anyway, as far as finances. Buying is always a good idea if staying there for a long time is an option. If you're planning to only be there a while, then the only chance you have of making money is earning equity by the market heating up. You'll be paying off almost nothing with your first few years mortgage payments so if the market stays level or even cools, then you'll owe money when you sell.

As far as taxes, having a mortgage and being married will mean you'll pay practically none. Get her to STOP paying her damn rent with a loan. As far as I'm concerned, unless she's going to freaking Stanford, there's no excuse for not being able to support yourself and take a full load of classes. You won't be in a position to pay them off for a long long time because they'll have a very low interest rate making it not worth paying down in the face of other things like a 401K and savings and cars payments. So she'll be staring at that rent when she's 40. If you are planning to marry her that will be your debt some day. So it makes even more sense to get married and just rent a tiny place that you can afford by yourself and let her finish school without accruing more debt.
 

Sukhoi

Elite Member
Dec 5, 1999
15,350
106
106
lol wow do not buy a freaking condo with a girlfriend you haven't even lived with!
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,866
31,364
146
Originally posted by: Sukhoi
lol wow do not buy a freaking condo with a girlfriend you haven't even lived with!


hehe, yeah...that pretty much sums it up the easy way.

Believe me--things can change drastically and unexpectedly when you move in with someone. 100% of people with more experience in this field will tell you that ;)
 

waggy

No Lifer
Dec 14, 2000
68,143
10
81
Originally posted by: Sukhoi
lol wow do not buy a freaking condo with a girlfriend you haven't even lived with!

yeah talk about a dumb move.


but man to be young and dumb again. thinking that relationships are going to last a lifetime. i was a great feeling. hehe

to bad reality is not that way.

but let him do the dumb move. in a year he will be posting "ahhh Girlfriend is sleeping with another guy. SHE GOT THE CONDO ALSO!"

man its going to cause one hell of a lawsuit.

oh and smoochy has given you the best advice i have seen. IF you keep putting off the wedding for YOUR reasons you are not going to have to worry. she will eventually leave you for it.
 

SnipeMasterJ13

Golden Member
Oct 20, 2004
1,005
0
71
My parents just gave me pretty much the same advice everyone is saying here. Although, mine was dealing with friends and not a girlfriend. They said I shouldn't make any purchase like a house/townhome unless I can afford it all by myself. Get the mortgage all in my name, and everything else. Decided whether or not I want to rent to roommates after that. Makes sense to me. Going in with your girlfriend is pretty risky. Couples that have been married for WAY longer than 3 years have still had very bitter break ups causing huge messes with properties.

Just gotta remember the saying....You marry one person, and you divorce a completely different one.

Sad, but true. Your number one concern should be to cover your own ass. You are pretty financially stable now, so why give her the opportunity to ruin that? Maybe I'm just cheap/selfish....?