Today I had to wipe down a bunch of machines because a bunch of people were getting fired, laid off, or just quit. This involved me walking around to each computer on this giant fvcking list and popping in a bootable USB key that started a DOD grade disk wipe. This was required because I work at a call center that deals with financial information (hence no floppy or CD drives in the machines).
So at 5:00pm everybody rushes out of the building, well, at least I thought everybody. So I grab my fully charged iPod Shuffle, my clip board with the cube list, and the USB key. I start walking from cube to cube starting the DOD process. It got pretty boring really fast, so I pretended to be Mr. Trump. This involved me saying things like, "Mr. XXX, it appears you like to sleep in more than you like to come to work." And then, right when the "Press any key to start DOD process..." came up, "YOU?RE FIRED!" and BAM (some random key got smashed). I don?t know why they put why each person got fired on my list, but the majority of them were getting the boot for constantly being late, or taking too many sick days.
At this point I?m in the zone, and I?m rocking out to whatever song is blasting on me shuffle. After I would finish a row of cubes I would pretend to be the guy in the iPod commercial and dance. I would play the air guitar or drums while the workstation I was at was booting. Keep in mind that I have completely tuned out my surroundings, someone could have been robbing the place and I wouldn?t have noticed.
After a while passed, I'd knocked out all the machines on the first floor and then it was time to move to the second floor. The whole process repeats itself. Mr. XXX, you suck at life (or whatever reason they were getting fired for), YOU?RE FIRED. OR, Mr. XXX, mister big important CEO needs more money for his private trips to Cambodia, so we are going to have to LAY YOU OFF, GOODBYE! Then add more air guitar/drums and more dancing. Then I really let loose and started singing along with my favorite songs. Why not? I?m the only person in the god damn building (except for the 80 year old security douche downstairs taking a nap).
Then I get to the last person on my list: Gordon Freeman. I flip out. "Gordon Freeman? Oh yeah, this is what you fvcking get for ending a badass game with a sh1tty ending. You have a degree from MIT but now you work at a FVCKING CALL CENTER. They are not going to be waiting for you in the test chamber anymore because YOU?RE FVCKING FIRED!" BAM.
Then I spin around and freeze. Apparently all the upper level managers where having some kind of late meeting and no one bothered to tell me about it. They were all staring at me with huge sh1t-eating grins, and I must have looked like a dear in head lights.
There was at least a good 5 seconds of silence before they all started busting out laughing. Apparently they had heard me since I started on the 2nd floor and had been following me around without me noticing them. One of the managers said to the others, "This guy is enough of an asshole to work in human resources! God damn, you were pretty harsh kid." And then one of the older ladies commented on how "good" of a dancer I was. And another said something about not quitting this job to go into the music business.
So I?m just laughing it all off with them, hoping I still have a job, and my face must have been as red as a fvcking red crayon. They tell me that I provided them with the funniest evening at the place and they leave and go home. I get my stuff and drive away, a little shaken.
God damn, I?m an idiot.
Discussion Zen 5 Speculation (EPYC Turin and Strix Point/Granite Ridge - Ryzen 9000)
Discussion Intel current and future Lakes & Rapids thread
