I worry about the human race...
On a Japanese food processor: NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious!)
On British Sainsbury's peanuts: WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
On a Canadian child's Superman costume: WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On some British frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD. (sorry for those who have two heads)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
On a British Boot's "Children's" Cough Medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)
On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING
On a blanket from Taiwan: NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. (ah heck, what am I gonna use now???)
On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists: REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo: USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink: AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray: THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In an American guide to setting up a new computer: TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins: WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On an American Sears hairdryer: DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips: YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter's special!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor: NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious!)
On British Sainsbury's peanuts: WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
On a Canadian child's Superman costume: WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On some British frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD. (sorry for those who have two heads)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
On a British Boot's "Children's" Cough Medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)
On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING
On a blanket from Taiwan: NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. (ah heck, what am I gonna use now???)
On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists: REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo: USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink: AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray: THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In an American guide to setting up a new computer: TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins: WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On an American Sears hairdryer: DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips: YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter's special!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box): DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
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