- Aug 30, 2000
- 27,151
- 635
- 126
Suppose its my turn to try an answer some of life's questions this way. Here goes:
Two of my best friends have been dating now for about 7 months. At first, everything was great. The only problem they had is that he was away at school, Cal Poly SLO, and she is still a senior at a high school here in Los Angeles. For those who don't know, that puts them about 220 miles apart. He comes to visit her and other friends about once a month. Anyway, she originally wanted to goto SLO for college as well, but the more she thought about it the less appealing it sounded. Of course he wasn't thrilled with the idea of maintaining a long-distance thing any longer then he had to. So that's dilema #1. And just a note, she didn't get accepted under "regular" admissions to SLO so she would be forced to take summer school there and then she would probably by allowed to register in the fall.
So here's dilema #2. My friend isn't exactly a ladies' man or let alone the dating type. This is the first gf he's had. And it seems to me, and to her, that he doesn't seem to be that great of a bf. Sure he's faithful and cares about her, but he never wants to go out. When he's home for a weekend, their activites lately have been relegated to sitting at home Saturday night and watching a movie with his mom, myself, and maybe a few other friends. Not the greatest way to impress a girl. He also gives lame excuses about not wanting to go out, parking being one of the main ones.
Finally, and the last of them, dilema #3. Since my friend hasn't had a gf before, she has a very strong feeling that he is very naive and idealistic about the whole thing. He thinks that she fits his "ideal" girl very nicely. Yet, she tells me things that she would never consider telling him because he wouldn't know how to deal with it. So basically she has to put up a front so that she doesn't risk scaring him off. We've had two rather long talks within the past week, me and his girl. In that time she's told me more about herself and her life then she has told my buddy in 7 months.
Reading this, you might say that it doesn't sound like these two are right for each other at all. Well, this chick has been through some tough shiat. This is the first time that she really has had a "stable" relationship where things have went relatively smoothly. He doesn't have problems with psychological stability, and isn't really looking to get into her panties. A real change for her.
So here's my dilema. What do I suggest? She's come to me for advice and counsel mainly because I offered it and because I'm willing to listen and do seem to make her feel better. Last night we talked for about 3 hours. I told her that it sounds like the best thing for her to do would be to break off the relationship. But it almost pains me to do so because her guy is one of my best friends. But on the other hand, if I tell her to keep up the act, it seems like it would just be delaying the inevitable, and would be unfair to her.
I've been having her read some of the threads posted here about breaking up, Kat's thread about the fear of being dumped (friend has the same fear), and the other one about how hard it is to let go. She's completely relating to all of them.
So what do I tell her? I don't want to become the moderator in the relationship, that's for sure. If I did that I certainly would stand to lose one or both of them as friends. As it stands now I'm putting myself in a position to screw up my friendship with the guy.
UGH!!
<edit> I have been telling her she needs to tell her guy this.</edit>
Two of my best friends have been dating now for about 7 months. At first, everything was great. The only problem they had is that he was away at school, Cal Poly SLO, and she is still a senior at a high school here in Los Angeles. For those who don't know, that puts them about 220 miles apart. He comes to visit her and other friends about once a month. Anyway, she originally wanted to goto SLO for college as well, but the more she thought about it the less appealing it sounded. Of course he wasn't thrilled with the idea of maintaining a long-distance thing any longer then he had to. So that's dilema #1. And just a note, she didn't get accepted under "regular" admissions to SLO so she would be forced to take summer school there and then she would probably by allowed to register in the fall.
So here's dilema #2. My friend isn't exactly a ladies' man or let alone the dating type. This is the first gf he's had. And it seems to me, and to her, that he doesn't seem to be that great of a bf. Sure he's faithful and cares about her, but he never wants to go out. When he's home for a weekend, their activites lately have been relegated to sitting at home Saturday night and watching a movie with his mom, myself, and maybe a few other friends. Not the greatest way to impress a girl. He also gives lame excuses about not wanting to go out, parking being one of the main ones.
Finally, and the last of them, dilema #3. Since my friend hasn't had a gf before, she has a very strong feeling that he is very naive and idealistic about the whole thing. He thinks that she fits his "ideal" girl very nicely. Yet, she tells me things that she would never consider telling him because he wouldn't know how to deal with it. So basically she has to put up a front so that she doesn't risk scaring him off. We've had two rather long talks within the past week, me and his girl. In that time she's told me more about herself and her life then she has told my buddy in 7 months.
Reading this, you might say that it doesn't sound like these two are right for each other at all. Well, this chick has been through some tough shiat. This is the first time that she really has had a "stable" relationship where things have went relatively smoothly. He doesn't have problems with psychological stability, and isn't really looking to get into her panties. A real change for her.
So here's my dilema. What do I suggest? She's come to me for advice and counsel mainly because I offered it and because I'm willing to listen and do seem to make her feel better. Last night we talked for about 3 hours. I told her that it sounds like the best thing for her to do would be to break off the relationship. But it almost pains me to do so because her guy is one of my best friends. But on the other hand, if I tell her to keep up the act, it seems like it would just be delaying the inevitable, and would be unfair to her.
I've been having her read some of the threads posted here about breaking up, Kat's thread about the fear of being dumped (friend has the same fear), and the other one about how hard it is to let go. She's completely relating to all of them.
So what do I tell her? I don't want to become the moderator in the relationship, that's for sure. If I did that I certainly would stand to lose one or both of them as friends. As it stands now I'm putting myself in a position to screw up my friendship with the guy.
UGH!!
<edit> I have been telling her she needs to tell her guy this.</edit>
Facebook
Twitter