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Help please, give me your best short, funny, clean jokes

M

montanafan

Diamond Member
I'm going to be taking a lot of photographs of high school kids over the next few weeks for yearbook and end of the year stuff and I want them to look their best, but sometimes it's hard to get a sincere smile out of them. Some of them can flash a nice smile on cue, but some need a little encouragement. Since I'm their teacher I can usually get a smile with even the dumbest or corniest of jokes because they enjoy hearing me say something stupid. 🙂

An example would be:

Two cannibals were eating a clown, one cannibal turns to the other one and says, does this taste funny to you?

I can't keep using the same ones over and over so help me out please. The dumber the better. It just has to be something short that I can say while I have the camera focused on them.



 
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
 
The following joke requires more than a basic knowledge of Harry Potter.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
You're right! Avada kedavra!
 
Originally posted by: montanafan
I'm going to be taking a lot of photographs of high school kids over the next few weeks for yearbook and end of the year stuff and I want them to look their best, but sometimes it's hard to get a sincere smile out of them. Some of them can flash a nice smile on cue, but some need a little encouragement. Since I'm their teacher I can usually get a smile with even the dumbest or corniest of jokes because they enjoy hearing me say something stupid. 🙂

An example would be:

Two cannibals were eating a clown, one cannibal turns to the other one and says, does this taste funny to you?

I can't keep using the same ones over and over so help me out please. The dumber the better. It just has to be something short that I can say while I have the camera focused on them.
Click to expand...

I hope your students find out about this thread 😛
 
Originally posted by: EvilYoda
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
Click to expand...

I laughed pretty hard at this 😀

Heres a stupid one: A guy walks into a bar, ouch.
 
Heres one I made up in grade five, you might nit want to say it to them though.

You: Hey, how was your trip to obey?
them: Obey?
You: OBEY - CITY! (obesity)

*claps slowly*
 
Originally posted by: compnovice
Originally posted by: montanafan
I'm going to be taking a lot of photographs of high school kids over the next few weeks for yearbook and end of the year stuff and I want them to look their best, but sometimes it's hard to get a sincere smile out of them. Some of them can flash a nice smile on cue, but some need a little encouragement. Since I'm their teacher I can usually get a smile with even the dumbest or corniest of jokes because they enjoy hearing me say something stupid. 🙂

An example would be:

Two cannibals were eating a clown, one cannibal turns to the other one and says, does this taste funny to you?

I can't keep using the same ones over and over so help me out please. The dumber the better. It just has to be something short that I can say while I have the camera focused on them.
Click to expand...

I hope your students find out about this thread 😛
Click to expand...




compnovice, See my bolded part above. Even if the joke's bad, they're still likely to smile at how dumb I sound.


EvilYoda, thanks for the neutron joke, that's actually a good one. Reminds me of another one, does anyone know the one that starts out with a neutron, electron, and proton walking into a bar and ends with something about, I'm positive?


Legendary, I don't know anything about Harry Potter, but maybe they will. I'll give it a try. Thanks.


Goosemaster, somehow I just can't see myself saying either part of that to any of my students. 🙂 Thanks anyway though.


buzzsaw13, thanks, that reminds me to use the one about the horse walking into the bar and the bartender saying, why the long face.

 
Koharski, that's pretty darn good for a fifth grader, I try to avoid insulting my students, kidding or not though. Thanks anyway.


OdiN, harsh but good, it'll get some smiles, thanks.
 
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
--If they lived by the bay, they would be called bagels.

Why did the pony cough?
--Because it was a little hoarse.

Why was the cookie sad?
--Because it's mother had been a wafer so long.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
--To get to the other slide.

Why do horses eat with their mouths open?
--They have bad stable manners.

Why was the dalmation so bad at hide and seek?
--Because he was always spotted.

What do you call an egg that goes on safari?
--An egg-splorer.

What happens if a duck flies upside down?
--It quacks up.

Did you hear about the cat that ate a whole ball of yarn?
--It had mittens.

Why was the hot dog wearing a blanket?
--Because it was a chili dog.

Where do ducks (horses) go when they get sick?
--To the duck-tor (horse-pital).

And the cheesy classic:

Why was the farm boy mad at the lamb?
--Because it was baaaaaad.
 
Originally posted by: montanafan
Koharski, that's pretty darn good for a fifth grader, I try to avoid insulting my students, kidding or not though. Thanks anyway.


OdiN, harsh but good, it'll get some smiles, thanks.
Click to expand...

I wasn't being serious...
 
Originally posted by: Legendary
The following joke requires more than a basic knowledge of Harry Potter.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
You're right! Avada kedavra!
Click to expand...

LOL, that's actually kind of funny, if sad. 🙂
 
Originally posted by: Sophia
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
--If they lived by the bay, they would be called bagels.

Why did the pony cough?
--Because it was a little hoarse.

Why was the cookie sad?
--Because it's mother had been a wafer so long.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
--To get to the other slide.

Why do horses eat with their mouths open?
--They have bad stable manners.

Why was the dalmation so bad at hide and seek?
--Because he was always spotted.

What do you call an egg that goes on safari?
--An egg-splorer.

What happens if a duck flies upside down?
--It quacks up.

Did you hear about the cat that ate a whole ball of yarn?
--It had mittens.

Why was the hot dog wearing a blanket?
--Because it was a chili dog.

Where to ducks (horses) go when they get sick?
--To the duck-tor (horse-pital).

And the cheesy classic:

Why was the farm boy mad at the lamb?
--Because it was baaaaaad.
Click to expand...

lol

 
I enjoyed reading this thread. 🙂


My Contributation:

Want to hear a dirty joke?
The boy jumped in the mud.
Want to hear a cleaner joke?
He took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear a dirtier joke?
Bubbles was girl.
 
A Turk sees a bird in Central Park and says to himself: Wow, a dird.
An American sees this and says: My friend, that's a bird.
The Turk: Oh, wow, but it looks just like a dird!

Weird joke, its very funny in Turkish though 🙂 I have been cracking up people with this same joke for the past 10 years 😛 (The Turkish version has the American saying dird 😛) 🙂
 
Originally posted by: Turkish
A Turk sees a bird in Central Park and says to himself: Wow, a dird.
An American sees this and says: My friend, that's a bird.
The Turk: Oh, wow, but it looks just like a dird!

Weird joke, its very funny in Turkish though 🙂 I have been cracking up people with this same joke for the past 10 years 😛 (The Turkish version has the American saying dird 😛) 🙂
Click to expand...

i don't get it 😕

what is a dird?
 
Originally posted by: quakefiend420
Originally posted by: Turkish
A Turk sees a bird in Central Park and says to himself: Wow, a dird.
An American sees this and says: My friend, that's a bird.
The Turk: Oh, wow, but it looks just like a dird!

Weird joke, its very funny in Turkish though 🙂 I have been cracking up people with this same joke for the past 10 years 😛 (The Turkish version has the American saying dird 😛) 🙂
Click to expand...

i don't get it 😕

what is a dird?
Click to expand...

That's the point, there's no such thing as a dird, its his accent 🙂
 
Originally posted by: EvilYoda
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
Click to expand...
A goldfish walks into a bar. The bartender says "What'dya have?" The goldfish replies, "Water."

A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender looks at the string and says "Get out of here, we don't serve string!" The piece of string goes home and ties himself into a bow and pulls out a few strands and then returns to the bar. The bartender asks, "Say, aren't you the same piece of string that was here earlier?" The piece of string replies, "No, I am afraid not."
 
scream out "smile if you dont want to be a teacher after you graduate and have to post on ATOT to research for dumb jokes!"

😛 sorry, no disrespect...
 
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