You missed the part about the small penis.
LOL, 8-5? 70k?
are you dreaming?
I don't think jobs like that actually exist anymore. If you make any kind of money, you'll be working long hours.
I make more than 70k and work 8-5. I work for General Dynamics C4 Systems in Needham, MA. Take a look and if you're interested in a specific position, let me know.
http://www.gdc4s.com/content/detail.cfm?acronym=careers