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Heard any good jokes lately?
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SphinxnihpS
Diamond Member
For over 20 years a priest and a rabbi take the same walk through NY Central Park every day. Despite passing each other at the same spot each day, the two have never spoken more than a casual "good day" or "hello" in all that time.
One day both were were in an exceptionally contemplative mood when they passed each other. It seems in their old age they had both been doing some soul searching, thinking about all the problems in the world, the strife and turmoil, and the divisions between the faiths. Both were thinking about mending fences and making God's world a better place when they passed each other just like they had every other day for the last 20 years. When their eyes met, it seemed something magical happened, and each felt compelled to start a conversation with the other. After all they both thought, "We are all God's children".
"Morning Rabbi!" beamed the priest.
"Beautiful day!" replied the rabbi.
A park bench beckoned to them, and soon they were having a delightful conversation. It was truly amazing. As it turns out all of their fears and mistrusts of the other were just silly dogma and unfounded stereotypes. They soon discovered that in their hearts they were both men who stood in awe of God's grandeur, and right on the spot both swore an oath to meet every day on their walk and continue their interfaith conversation and truly make the world see that we are all beautiful and free human beings living in God's world!
Just then, as if by a sign from the almighty himself, a truly fantastic and wonderful thing happened. A wild-eyed young boy, so full of life and hope and dreams, came marching through the park forest. Both men were struck by the boy's overt joy and innocence, and as if they were of one mind, both holy figures turned and looked each other in the eye.
The priest exclaimed, "That's what I'm talking about! Right there, that sums it up!"
The rabbi, simply beaming, questioned, "Do you mean the boy?
"Yes, the boy, the boy. This is a sign! Now is the time, we simply must do something!"
"What do you have in mind?"
The priest, put his fingers to his chin in thought, and with a gleam in his eye said. "Let's fuck him!"
The rabbi puzzled over this a moment, thinking back on the earlier conversation, mending fences, God's grandeur, and of expanding his faith, before replying, "Outaa vhat?
One day both were were in an exceptionally contemplative mood when they passed each other. It seems in their old age they had both been doing some soul searching, thinking about all the problems in the world, the strife and turmoil, and the divisions between the faiths. Both were thinking about mending fences and making God's world a better place when they passed each other just like they had every other day for the last 20 years. When their eyes met, it seemed something magical happened, and each felt compelled to start a conversation with the other. After all they both thought, "We are all God's children".
"Morning Rabbi!" beamed the priest.
"Beautiful day!" replied the rabbi.
A park bench beckoned to them, and soon they were having a delightful conversation. It was truly amazing. As it turns out all of their fears and mistrusts of the other were just silly dogma and unfounded stereotypes. They soon discovered that in their hearts they were both men who stood in awe of God's grandeur, and right on the spot both swore an oath to meet every day on their walk and continue their interfaith conversation and truly make the world see that we are all beautiful and free human beings living in God's world!
Just then, as if by a sign from the almighty himself, a truly fantastic and wonderful thing happened. A wild-eyed young boy, so full of life and hope and dreams, came marching through the park forest. Both men were struck by the boy's overt joy and innocence, and as if they were of one mind, both holy figures turned and looked each other in the eye.
The priest exclaimed, "That's what I'm talking about! Right there, that sums it up!"
The rabbi, simply beaming, questioned, "Do you mean the boy?
"Yes, the boy, the boy. This is a sign! Now is the time, we simply must do something!"
"What do you have in mind?"
The priest, put his fingers to his chin in thought, and with a gleam in his eye said. "Let's fuck him!"
The rabbi puzzled over this a moment, thinking back on the earlier conversation, mending fences, God's grandeur, and of expanding his faith, before replying, "Outaa vhat?
SphinxnihpS
Diamond Member
A girl and five guys' plane goes down, and they end up stranded on a desert island.
After a week, the girl is so ashamed about what she has been doing since getting stuck on the island... she kills herself.
After a week, the girl is so ashamed about what she has been doing since getting stuck on the island... she kills herself.
SphinxnihpS
Diamond Member
After two weeks the guys are so ashamed of what they have been doing... they bury her.
shortylickens
No Lifer
Way too much preamble. I usually hear the short version.
As for my joke:
A priest and a rabbi sit down at a cafe. The waiter looks over at them and tells the barkeep "gee, I dunno whether to lay out a bottle of wine or a boyscout".
SphinxnihpS
Diamond Member
Thank you. You're terrific!
SphinxnihpS
Diamond Member
It's called necessary subterfuge... Also, your version isn't funny.
Whoa, he has a picture of your face taped to the inside of the urinal too? Who would have thought?
KT
SphinxnihpS
Diamond Member
I think he was talking about the "sores". Pretty unethical to distribute that type of stuff imho.
child of wonder
Diamond Member
A black guy, asian, and a Jew all walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says "get the fuck out of here!"
The bartender looks up and says "get the fuck out of here!"
Freshgeardude
Diamond Member
So, there's a man crawling through the desert.
He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had
great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a
big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell
phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family,
his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few
friends had no idea he was out here.
He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out
and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now
that he'd paid attention to the sun and thought he'd figured out which way
was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go
about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in
last.
He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon
how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no
flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So,
he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication
later, brings an umbrella he'd had in the back of the SUV with him to give
him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle
in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a
cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the
direction he thinks is right.
He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's
been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied
the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels
sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket
is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some
ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to
it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and
whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst.
He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark.
By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he's been
walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours.
That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the
town. But he doesn't recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed
a mile or two back, and he doesn't remember coming through it in the SUV. He
.....
....
....
....
....
Better nate then lever!
He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had
great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a
big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell
phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family,
his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few
friends had no idea he was out here.
He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out
and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now
that he'd paid attention to the sun and thought he'd figured out which way
was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go
about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in
last.
He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon
how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no
flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So,
he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication
later, brings an umbrella he'd had in the back of the SUV with him to give
him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle
in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a
cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the
direction he thinks is right.
He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's
been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied
the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels
sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket
is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some
ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to
it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and
whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst.
He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark.
By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he's been
walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours.
That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the
town. But he doesn't recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed
a mile or two back, and he doesn't remember coming through it in the SUV. He
.....
....
....
....
....
Better nate then lever!
mesthead21
Platinum Member
Ah, it was only a matter of time before Better Nate than Lever would come into this thread
Freshgeardude
Diamond Member
🙂
ConstipatedVigilante
Diamond Member
My GF is in pre-med. She might like it.
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