Headlines from..

ToeStub

Banned
Aug 20, 2004
392
0
0
"2029 Headlines"



Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon). Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays Only !

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Last federal gun law finally revoked with help through NRA, who remembers the sad old times, when there was still licensing for guns.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 55 percent.

 

Jassi

Diamond Member
Sep 8, 2004
3,296
0
0
I got a headline for you,

"Joke told in early 2005 still hasn't generated a laugh"
 

Zim Hosein

Super Moderator | Elite Member
Super Moderator
Nov 27, 1999
65,526
410
126
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Sadly, I see this actually happening! :(
 

jadinolf

Lifer
Oct 12, 1999
20,952
3
81
Good one. I'll contribute by passing it around to my folks in the address book. :D
 

Mo0o

Lifer
Jul 31, 2001
24,227
3
76
Originally posted by: AtlantaBob
Equal oppertunity (conservative/liberal) jokes at least...

Most of it seems to be bashing liberal views i thought
 

AtlantaBob

Golden Member
Jun 16, 2004
1,034
0
0
Originally posted by: Mo0o
Originally posted by: AtlantaBob
Equal oppertunity (conservative/liberal) jokes at least...

Most of it seems to be bashing liberal views i thought

I may have just put too much emphasis on the NRA, GZB and the American Territory of the Middle East. Guess my political sympathies are out in the open :eek:

But to keep this from becoming P&N-worthy, wouldn't it be interesting to see how people interpreted the bias of a "equally" offensive list of jokes, quotes from newspapers, etc. and see if those interpretations correlated with their self-reported political affiliations?

Ok, probably not "interesting" but hey, it's 4 AM, and it seems like a good idea now.