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Have your parents asked for money?

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Yes. Gave them a bit as a Christmas gift. My dad just retired and he's not retiring in luxury, and my mom's still a lunch lady. They'll do well enough without my help because they're frugal people, but they won't be able to grow their savings as easily as when my dad was working.

to the OP's situation: Something's f'd up with the whole situation. What I read in the OP is that you're subsidizing the divorce. You paid for your mom's lawyer (I don't know anything about divorce.) Couldn't she have paid for one out of shared assets? And you've helped pay child support to your mom by funneling the money through your dad. This whole situation is screwed up. If your dad can't afford the child support for legitimate reasons, can he seek relief? If it's because he's taking out his girlfriend in his new [any car here], it's not your job to help pay it.
 
What do you expect OP?

You gave him back the money for a gift (car) he bought you IIRC. He should've never got that money.......and now he comes for more.

I told you not to do it...
 
SMOGZINN said:
Here is what you do. Follow these steps exactly.

1. Call your dad back. Tell him you are going to get him the money he needs. Tell him that you are selling your car, and after that you will have enough money to give him. Tell him that you have a potential buyer for your car already and are going to go meet him this afternoon.

2. Change clothes.

3. Go to the bank and withdraw all your money cash.

4. Drive to the far side of town and dump you phone in a dumpster along with the (dirty) cloths you wore today.

5. Use what ever money you have to buy a ticket on a train to the farthest point away from your parents your money will take you.

6. Never speak of them again.
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Not a bad idea, you got some messed up parents OP.

Has your mother been paying rent or payed you back any money you gave her?
 
The money I gave him was for a car that he asked me to save for my younger sister. Which he was going to pay half too. Then he got mad at my sister and tells me save that money don't spend it in case your mom needs it or something your sister is too immature for a car now.
So a few months later he calls freaking out that he's got nothing and asked for that money I had saved for my sister. So yea how you look at it I did pay him back but it's not my problem he couldn't use the money for himself and had to give it back in form of late child support.

My mom has been working and paying rent with the money she gets from him. And no she's never paid me back for the lawyer. I made the last payment on that cc today. Been paying that shit off for 2 years.
 
You are dealing with a selfish, self centered, manipulator. He tries to guilt/manipulate you with your girlfriend and is doing the same here. Stay away.

They are also people that lived through the easiest generation in american history, with great paying jobs with benefits/pensions. You will not be so lucky.
 
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sze5003 said:
The money I gave him was for a car that he asked me to save for my younger sister. Which he was going to pay half too. Then he got mad at my sister and tells me save that money don't spend it in case your mom needs it or something your sister is too immature for a car now.
So a few months later he calls freaking out that he's got nothing and asked for that money I had saved for my sister. So yea how you look at it I did pay him back but it's not my problem he couldn't use the money for himself and had to give it back in form of late child support.

My mom has been working and paying rent with the money she gets from him. And no she's never paid me back for the lawyer. I made the last payment on that cc today. Been paying that shit off for 2 years.
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Cut him off now.

Nowadays you can get a child support order adjusted within a few months. So, if he truly does have no money, then he should be able to show lack of income and get it adjusted.


Sounds to me like he's spending money on something else.

Either way, these situations are rarely a one-time thing. If his money management is so bad that he's already coming back for money, then how long before that couple thousand runs out? And the next couple thousand? And the next?


You are eventually going to have to 'be the bad guy'. Do it before you've thrown thousands of dollars down the toilet.
 
sze5003 said:
Yeah I understand. The thing is I would give him if I had extra. I could spare a couple hundred but each month I have student loans, cc bills, insurance, rent, car payment, food , other utilities to pay for. I would find myself with an overdrawn bank account before the next check arrives and I hate that because it's happened before.

I'll take a look see what I have that I can offer if he calls back. But like many said once you get asked, you get asked again. And I don't get where my mom also thinks I'm made of money saying she only makes 10-11 bucks an hour but she has more money saved up than I do. They have gone as far as to say one time and ask me if I'm on drugs lol.

Well she doesnt have the same expenses I do except for rent, car insurance and food for her and the two kids. Plus whatever she gets in alimony and child support.

It's just a pain in the butt sometimes. Being as her English is not that good, I gotta write emails to her lawyer, get paperwork and fax it, lots of other things.
God forbid I get a new bed so I'm not sleeping in the same thing I had since college, or a new tv if I would like to. Last my dad was here, he went out and bought my brother a freaking monitor that's bigger than my tv , a bunch of other crap. I dunno if he just put it all on credit and doesn't care or what. He also paid for both children's tickets to go see him last summer, went on a vacation with them, no wonder he's broke.

He even mentioned he lives in an apartment that's like 5 min from a beach. I dunno what he expected my mom to do but try and take all the money she can when he was the one to blame for the marriage going bad.
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So you would still give your dad money even though he is clearly living above his means? Any money you give him just enables his over-extended lifestyle. Quit giving him money now or it will never stop. You will be living paycheck to paycheck while he blows all of your money. Same goes for your mom. If she has more money in savings than you, you shouldn't be giving her a dime.

I would gladly give my parents money if they were truly in need. Your parents are not in need. The only thing you should be giving them is a book about budgeting. Something like Mike Ramsey, Suzie Orman or one of the many other people who teach others to live within their means.
 
Yea I have told him I'm pretty much living check to check myself. Haven't been able to save since I gave him all that I had saved a while ago. Money to me is not something I really care about. I just need it because I have a lot of bills.

I would love to spend some of it on myself but I don't have that chance. If I had extra it wouldn't be an issue I'm the type of person that will always give to help someone out.

If he thinks I'm just being an asshole and saying no because I don't want to he's wrong. It's a no because there is nothing to give. People have said before oh if you ran into trouble and you come to your family they would help you. That's not the case here, no one can help me if anything happens.
 
sze5003 said:
Yea I have told him I'm pretty much living check to check myself. Haven't been able to save since I gave him all that I had saved a while ago. Money to me is not something I really care about. I just need it because I have a lot of bills.

I would love to spend some of it on myself but I don't have that chance. If I had extra it wouldn't be an issue I'm the type of person that will always give to help someone out.

If he thinks I'm just being an asshole and saying no because I don't want to he's wrong. It's a no because there is nothing to give. People have said before oh if you ran into trouble and you come to your family they would help you. That's not the case here, no one can help me if anything happens.
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Be careful going down that path, if you plan on staying in contact with them. From now on out they will guilt you over every penny you spend on yourself and your immediate family. New car? You're an asshole. Have to buy a house? You're an asshole.
 
SpatiallyAware said:
Be careful going down that path, if you plan on staying in contact with them. From now on out they will guilt you over every penny you spend on yourself and your immediate family. New car? You're an asshole. Have to buy a house? You're an asshole.
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That's always been the case even before this so I'm used to that. Just have to ignore it. Looking at it this way, my sister my go to school without any loans which is great if she actually gets in somewhere she wants. I had to find student loans to pay my way because when they were together his income wouldn't allow me to get any aid.
 
sze5003 said:
I would love to spend some of it on myself but I don't have that chance. If I had extra it wouldn't be an issue I'm the type of person that will always give to help someone out.
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You sound like a nice guy and a good son but you need to realize giving him money is not helping him. The best way to help him is to refuse to give him any money until his spending is under control and he can live within his means. If at that point he is still struggling to make ends meet then try and help him out.

You are also worried about who will help you if you need it. You need to help yourself. Get your emergency fund (3-6 months expenses) funded. This is YOUR emergency fund, not your parents. Save for retirement, 401K, IRA. If you keep going the way you currently are you will be begging your children for money.
 
sze5003 said:
The money I gave him was for a car that he asked me to save for my younger sister. Which he was going to pay half too. Then he got mad at my sister and tells me save that money don't spend it in case your mom needs it or something your sister is too immature for a car now.
So a few months later he calls freaking out that he's got nothing and asked for that money I had saved for my sister. So yea how you look at it I did pay him back but it's not my problem he couldn't use the money for himself and had to give it back in form of late child support.

My mom has been working and paying rent with the money she gets from him. And no she's never paid me back for the lawyer. I made the last payment on that cc today. Been paying that shit off for 2 years.
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Take SMOGZINN's Advice

seriously

Your father is using you and so is your mom. Any person that borrows money and doesn't have obligation to pay that money back is a scum. Stay away!
 
I've been putting away for retirement for a while now and my company matches what I put out too. But yea I will need to start putting away money for myself now. If I did it for a while for before I'm sure I can do it again.
 
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