Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship

[obiwaynekenobi]

Have felt crowded and Trapped in a relationship and not known how to get out of it?

I'm having a similar problem, except mine is much much much much worse I will not get into details yet. But I'm just to the point of losing my sanity. I've already comitted myself once because things got too much for me.

I know I need to see a counsler and I'm waiting to hear back from the ONLY one in the county.

I'm looking for any kind of assitence.

 

[wyvrn]

<< Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship >>



Yep.

I am not a counselor. But in my experience, the easiest way is to be honest with yourself. Spend some time away from this other person and allow your feelings to surface. The more she smothers you, the less you will be able to think for yourself. After the hiatus, if you feel you would be unhappy with this person, then just tell her respectfully and go on with your life. Worked for me

 

[Czar]

Yes, I´v been into that sittuation.

What you have to ask yourself, is it worth solving the problem?

 

[Zorro]

Yes i have but it was with one of the Mods. And we made up

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

<< Yes, I´v been into that sittuation.

What you have to ask yourself, is it worth solving the problem? >>



ok so answer me this did you ever feel like you had fallen OUT Of love with the person? And you know it.

I feel that part of the problem is that I don't feel like my opinions are vauled, I don't feel like I'm appricated. She is one of these "Is has to be my way" all of the time. If I want to go out and do something on my own for one night (just Several hours) She gets pissed.

For Example I took off last friday and went and Saw Lord Of The Rings. (and what a kickass movie omfg I wanted to see it again) I Intentionally work 9.5 hour days 5 days aweeks and 5 hour days on the weekends just so I don't have to deal with her. There would be good things if we worked things out, but there has been so much mud slinging and hurful things said I don't know if I Can just go on living like that anymore.

 

[MomAndSkoorbaby]

Life is too short...follow your heart. If your heart says to try and work it out, then go for it. If not, seriously think about the alternative. Picture yourself in 10, 15, even 20 years and really think about what you want from life and who you want to share it with!

 

[Keego]

MrsSkoorb, you need to nef more


Obi, yes, I have, but I broke it off when I thought I couldn't, I hope you can also.

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

<< MrsSkoorb, you need to nef more


Obi, yes, I have, but I broke it off when I thought I couldn't, I hope you can also. >>




That's interesting Because I read somewhere that This is the kind of thing that Husbands do to there wives, and it makes them feel like they can't do anything by themseleves. totaly dependent on the husband who is the controller in the relationship.

 

[RSI]

Nope, but I'm not exactly experienced. I'm currently in my first *real* relationship, and this thursday will be two weeks. Everything is perfect thus far. Things only get better. I think the best thing is that we both are perfectly clear as to the understanding of our relationship with one another, and we can communicate about anything pretty much -- if there were to be an issue, other than avoiding it or making it worse, we would confront it immediately and attempt to solve the problem (and no there haven't been any problems yet ).

Well, obiwaynekenobi, your relationship doesn't sound very healthy from what you've described here. My (inexperienced) advice would be to get away from that, for your own sanity. Females can be astonishingly difficult and complex, and incredibly harmful as well. But if chosen properly, they can be the best thing that happen to you.

That said, good luck, I hope you make the best decision for your situation.

-RSI

 

[Davelerave]

i guess i can identify ,i stay with my girlfriend because it's lonely out there plus i love my kids but i know also in my heart i can't stay like this forever ,it's not the way life is meant to be,it sounds like you want to move on to something different,from my limited experience things don't get better unless maybe you love each other

 

[Daniel]

Been there, and I left the relationship, yes falling out of love is very possible. Are you married to this person or is there any other reason why you wouldn't just be able to break it off easily to get away from her?

 

[cleek]

"The moral of this story is so very sad but true.
If you stay 'till breakfast, friend, they'll want to marry you.
Try my little method and I promise you, no doubt.
Dip some Copenhagen if you wanna snuff 'em out"

-Robert Earl Keene

(s)nuff said

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

<< Been there, and I left the relationship, yes falling out of love is very possible. Are you married to this person or is there any other reason why you wouldn't just be able to break it off easily to get away from her? >>



We are married that is what makes this so diffacult. no matter what The kids Lose. Regardless of the outcome.. the kids lose.


and frankly that bothers the smeg out of me.

We've actully been seperated for about 2 weeks. and she's coming into work everyday telling me that she loves me and she wants me to come back and I just feel very wary about the idea

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

Oh LOVELY my evil mother in law is here.:|

I call her evil because she truely is. she told me a week after we got married that she hated me and she will never like me.

and we have NEVER gotten along
She's rude Offensive and opinionated. and whenever she gets involded in a dispute between the wife and I it gets 5 times worse.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Not trapped, but I didn't realize what I had until it was too late. If you're feeling trapped, try talking to her significant other. Talking things out, no matter what the feelings, can get a lot of things out in the open and possibly fix some ideas you have about the relationship that are giving you those trapped feelings.

Please, for the love of Mike, make sure that you're not pissing away something that you'll regret pissing away later.

Sorry if I come across too strong... things hitting a little close to home.

 

[Cattlegod]

gah! you are married to her!

gah! there are kids involved!

 

[dirtboy]

Been there and thank God she filed for divorce!! Woot!!

 

[dirtboy]

<< She's rude Offensive and opinionated. and whenever she gets involded in a dispute between the wife and I it gets 5 times worse. >>



That sounds just like my ex-mother-in-law. Seriously!

 

[dirtboy]

<< ok so answer me this did you ever feel like you had fallen OUT Of love with the person? And you know it. >>



Yes. Not only did I feel like I had fallen out of love, I did fall out of love.

 

[gunf1ghter]

Take some of the other folks advice... if you are that miserable the first thing you need to do is get away from the other person... it's going to be extremely difficult to do, but you have to get comfortable with yourself before you will honestly know how you feel about her.

You shouldn't need anyone... you should enjoy spending time with them, and have all those wonderful emotions, but if you find that you are absolutely dependant on them, it's really bad news.

I have had some very bad relationship experiences... as a matter of fact, I think I could probabl top the stories of horror that many members could tell (not that it's a contest I'm proud of winning).... I will say that you really need to bite the bullet and start talking to a counseler... if you really want to stay with this person than you should try to get them involved in relationship counseling.

Try not to get too worked up... no matter what happens, it's not worth your sanity...

 

[Grinchy]

the kids don't lose if the parents are happier apart. the kids win. they know when things aren't going well, and staying together for the sake of the kids is really really ridiculous. better for them to have 3 or 4 happy parents (if you remarry/she remarries) then to have 2 unhappy.

as to counseling and working it out, it takes two people that are dedicated to fixing their own stuff, and then the marriage stuff. that is pretty rare.

do what is best for you, not the kids, not the wife. it will all work out for the best as long as you maintain your interest in their lives and continue to love them. if you are shorting yourself you will resent them all, and that would be horrible.

remember that life is long long long and staying in a bad situation is not a good idea.

just my few cents.

 

[Riprorin]

Obi, my personal opinion is that you have to do the right thing for the kids even if that means subjugating your own happiness for the moment.

They didn't ask to be in this situation and they deserve a fair shot.

I would grin and bear it until they are at least out of high school.

 

[gunf1ghter]

<< Obi, my personal opinion is that you have to do the right thing for the kids even if that means subjugating your own happiness for the moment.

They didn't ask to be in this situation and they deserve a fair shot.

I would grin and bear it until they are at least out of high school. >>



I think Grinchy had it better than you .. sorry... but staying in a relationship which is costing you your health and sanity isn't good for anyone. If you love your kids, then you need to make sure that you are healthy and happy so that you can be a better parent for them.

 

[Riprorin]

Grinchy's argument sounds good in principle, but I'm not sure it work out that well in practice.

There are a lot of assumptions there.

First, there's no gurantee that you will be happier after you divorce, second, there's no gurantee that the split will be amicable, and third if there 3 or 4 parents and new kids are brought into the relationship, what are the chances that eveyone is going to get along without any resentment.

 

[hzl eyed grl]

Follow your heart. I've been in a similar situation except we weren't together for that long. You need to put yourself first. If you feel that your needs aren't being met in the relationship, then what's the point. A relationship is a two-way street and both people have to be willing to give and compromise. If that's not being done, then the relationship isn't going to work.

My two cents.

EDIT: I just re-read some things. I see that you're married and have children. IMO the kids aren't going to suffer as much if you're apart. No kid likes being in a tense household where the parents are arguing. AND they can sense when something is wrong and probably end up walking on eggshells or trying to vie(SP?) for attention to make up for it. If you're apart and happy, it makes for a happier environment. (IMO) But, if you can work it out of course it would be good for the children. You'd be happy and in the same house. But....that, unfortunately, can't always be the case.

Good luck.