Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship

[Miramonti]

Tough situation. Things can get better but you've got to stop taking that kind of cr@p from her that doesn't allow you to see movie without her (or anything else of the like!) If you keep taking it there's no reason for her to change. I know you went to the movie, which is good, but let her know what it feels like when she's so controlling like that, and don't let her get away with freaking out for nothing without telling her what the consequenses of that are and how it makes you feel and makes you act towards her.

Do you think you would love her if she didn't treat you like an inmate? It certainly would be hard to love someone who does, so maybe if she learns not to then there can be more appreciation for one another.

Maybe you could benefit from taking more control your needs and not let her get away with her selfishness as much, sort of like not 'enabling' her when it happens. Draw the line, put the foot down, you know, all that stuff. You can't live in frustration all the time or it will make anyone crazy. It sounds like she's the one that needs counseling, for her insecurities.

Either case, hang in there (and take no offense if I totally misread things)

 

[ChangLi]

Sit down, rehearse it, call her in. Be kind but HONEST, lay it all out...then run like hell like the devil is chasin' ya. Lay low for a year or two and there you go, you get your life back.

I really do feel for you,best of luck.

 

[4824guy]

<< Have felt crowded and Trapped in a relationship and not known how to get out of it? >>



Yep-it felt like the walls closing in on me- after about 6 years of dating, it was time to give it up. I felt so much better after the breakup.

 

[zzzz]

<< Have felt crowded and Trapped in a relationship and not known how to get out of it? >>


yes..Even though the current one is good and satisfies all my needs, there is someone new out there that has began to look very attractive...But I feel like I will be betraying the old relationship if I pursue the new one.














offcourse I am talking about the current Xp1600 and the northwood 1600s....

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

<< Tough situation. Things can get better but you've got to stop taking that kind of cr@p from her that doesn't allow you to see movie without her (or anything else of the like!) If you keep taking it there's no reason for her to change. I know you went to the movie, which is good, but let her know what it feels like when she's so controlling like that, and don't let her get away with freaking out for nothing without telling her what the consequenses of that are and how it makes you feel and makes you act towards her.

Do you think you would love her if she didn't treat you like an inmate? It certainly would be hard to love someone who does, so maybe if she learns not to then there can be more appreciation for one another.

Maybe you could benefit from taking more control your needs and not let her get away with her selfishness as much, sort of like not 'enabling' her when it happens. Draw the line, put the foot down, you know, all that stuff. You can't live in frustration all the time or it will make anyone crazy. It sounds like she's the one that needs counseling, for her insecurities.

Either case, hang in there (and take no offense if I totally misread things) >>



not actully you didn't, You(jjsole) and gunf1ghter actully hit it right on the nose. it's a very bizzare complex sitution, and yes you are probably right if the parents are happier than the kids will be too. I once saw some TV show... sadly I think I heard this on Oprah, from Dr. Phil That the kids aren't hurt theer parents are seperated they are hurt and upset, it's that There parents don't get along.

For the last two week I've gone over to the house about 7:30 to put the kids to bed. (I dress them and read them bedtime Stories, it's the nightly rituial.) and I've never left that house before 12:00 because we end up arguing. and I Get home Tired Exhasted Frustrated and highly annoyed and it's 1:00 to 1:30 before I can get to sleep and then I get up between 6:30 and 7:15 to get ready for work. it's a little exhasting.

FFMCobalt- I'm not pissing it away. I've have tried to work at this realtionship for nearly 16 months now and it' gotten me nowhere except me committing myself into a Mental ward for a couple of days. I understanding as you put it "pissing away" a relationship. I did that once about 6 years ago and I regreted it. I can understand where your coming from.

Moslty I appericate how much support that you guys that posted here have given me, as sad as this may sound it actully made me feel better to wake up in the morning to see this HUGE list of responses. I'm glad to know that It's happened to more people than just me.

 

[gunf1ghter]

If it doesn't look like things are improving than you should go ahead and get an attorney... it's going to be tough, as you are probably going to be expected to pay child support.... hopefully you won't also have to pay alimony (shouldn't have to if she has a job).

Once you have a lawyer involved then you can start to setup rules for partial custody or visitation rights... this will make it a lot less painful with the wife, if she wants to argue with her you can politely tell her to call your lawyer.. if she violates the terms of the visitation or custody then you can file against her and potentially get custody of your kids.

People get extremely emotional for very understandable reasons... it's my sad experience that women become over-emotional almost to the point of hysteria about these things and have a hard time being rational in any way shape or form. Getting away and getting some legal representation is going to send her the message that you are not going to play her game.

A lot of people stay in a relationship because they are afraid of the financial damage of splitting up... that's absolutely the WORST reason to stay in a relationship... no matter what happens to you financially (bankruptcy, child support, alimony) it's still going to be better for you in the long run.

If things are as bad as you say then you would probably be happier living at the YMCA eating ramen then going home to your "house" every night.

 

[gunf1ghter]

***RSI***

I'm glad that your 2 week relationship is going well... just some friendly advice for you..

The first few months of a relationship are really a honeymoon period... both you and she are on best behavior... you are really trying to impress the other person and so you go above and beyond with absolutely every thing that you do.

As the honeymoon period winds down (and it will, no matter what you try to keep it going) then you will start to understand how relationships can deteriorate... people start to be "themselves" and all of a sudden there are problems... if you guys decide to move in together then it becomes really difficult. If you want your relationship to last, it becomes a matter of good, open communication and compromise to keep the relationship viable.

I'm not trying to dampen your excitement, but just trying to make sure you don't get crushed flat if things don't work out.

 

[rahvin]

<<For the last two week I've gone over to the house about 7:30 to put the kids to bed. (I dress them and read them bedtime Stories, it's the nightly rituial.) and I've never left that house before 12:00 because we end up arguing. and I Get home Tired Exhasted Frustrated and highly annoyed and it's 1:00 to 1:30 before I can get to sleep and then I get up between 6:30 and 7:15 to get ready for work. it's a little exhasting.>>

You are killing yourself. You need to tell her how you feel and why you feel that way then let the chips fall where they may. And if worse comes to worse you can always drop the bomb, "Because of the way you treat me I don't think I love you anymore...".

 

[obiwaynekenobi]

<< ***RSI***

I'm glad that your 2 week relationship is going well... just some friendly advice for you..
>>



dude we've been married for almost 4 years

 

[gunf1ghter]

That msg was for RSI, not you

 

[ThunderGirl]

<< Tough situation. Things can get better but you've got to stop taking that kind of <a href="mailto:cr@p">cr@p</A> from her that doesn't allow you to see movie without her (or anything else of the like!) If you keep taking it there's no reason for her to change. I know you went to the movie, which is good, but let her know what it feels like when she's so controlling like that, and don't let her get away with freaking out for nothing without telling her what the consequenses of that are and how it makes you feel and makes you act towards her.

Do you think you would love her if she didn't treat you like an inmate? It certainly would be hard to love someone who does, so maybe if she learns not to then there can be more appreciation for one another.

Maybe you could benefit from taking more control your needs and not let her get away with her selfishness as much, sort of like not 'enabling' her when it happens. Draw the line, put the foot down, you know, all that stuff. You can't live in frustration all the time or it will make anyone crazy. It sounds like she's the one that needs counseling, for her insecurities.

Either case, hang in there (and take no offense if I totally misread things) >>




Maybe it was not the movie she was upset about. But the money. Did you have money enough to spend on a movie or should it have gone to a bill or diapers????

And control is a two way street how do you treat her? Are you selfish? How do you treat your children??

 

[kranky]

It's always sad to read about an unhappy marriage, doubly so when children are involved. How old are they?

It sounds to me that you are at the end of your rope, and when you are that stressed it's going to be hard to patch things up - you're already on your last nerve. I still think it's worth trying, but maybe you need a break from each other right now before you both can catch your breath and make a serious try to fix the problems.

Now that I think about it, I'm really not addressing your original question - which was "how to get out". Are you 100% sure the marriage is unfixable?

I feel confident making one suggestion: your mother-in-law MUST STAY OUT of your problems with your wife. She may be rude, opinionated, and offensive, but you and your wife must agree she is not to be involved with your marriage issues. That doesn't mean you hate her, and it doesn't have to mean you don't want her around. All it means is that you and your wife agree your MIL will NOT be helping repair the marriage problems and she is to stay out of them. If your wife wants you back and still loves you (as she says), she must understand that ANY third-party (not just her mother) getting in the middle of the problem will not be helping unless it's a counselor. No family member can be impartial.