I don't regret my marraige at all. But I'd do the wedding totally different if I had it to do over again. You're lucky if both sets of families are relatively close. In our case we wanted just the parents. Mine were located somewhat nearby. Hers, not so much. Our wedding, so we paid to fly in her parents and sibling. Ch-ching.
We went cheap on the facility, and cheap on the food. We decided early on catering was for suckers. We paid for everyone to have dinner at a local restaurant, with the caveat we would not pick up the tab for booze. Before anyone points out how cheap that is, I have immediate family who is a straight-up, bona fide, big time alcoholic. I'd have picked up booze if it weren't for that. I won't enable an alcoholic. But still, a dinner... ch-ching.
Afterwards we ditched the family (parents) and hit a local bar I liked with friends. We had many more peope at the bar than at the wedding. Ours turned out cheap, even with hotels and plane tickets, just a couple of grand. This was the best idea we had.
Now. Where I screwed up: not eloping. One parent (of mine) was all it took to mess up a good small thing. We weren't planning on even a "minister" (friend) until my mother told my grandparents, aunts, uncles, et c., even after I told her that it was just parents. "Well, I told them, and if YOU don't want them to come, then YOU have to tell your grandmoter that she's not welcome." Total manipulation, totally unfair, and totally screwed up the plan. So my wife's family was outnumbered by my family about 3 to 1, and we packed it with friends to make it less obvious. Ch-ching. Most of these were my friends, not hers, so it was still out of whack. Net result: my wife HATED our wedding, and pretty much everything about it.
Why do I tell you this crap you don't care about? LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE. See, only one thing mattered, and I didn't know it: what my WIFE thought. Mothers will forgive -- they have to, you're they're kid. Fathers of the husband probably don't care. Fathers of the bride... well, just watch your step. But you, sir, YOU have to live with that woman you're marrying. And if she resents the wedding... well, she has to live with it, but YOU also have to live with it. The whole affair chilled her relationship with my family (mother, specifically) for YEARS. Think about that. Years of icy discomfort at family get-togethers. Grouchy wife... which may not mean much to you now, but it's a BIG HASSLE.
So the best advice I can give, from the position of one who screwed up, is do what she wants, within reason. I mean, I REALLY think big $30K weddings are asinine. If parents are willing to shell out $30K (I'm not making this up - some of wife's high school acquaintences had these) for a wedding, then they oughta be willing to NOT do that, and put down a payment on your house. OR apply it to that mountain of student debt you probably have. Or something useful, for the love of God. I was lucky - my wife wanted a tiny cheap ceremony. I as stupid and didn't fight like hell to ensure that happened. I ended up with a worst-of-both-worlds deal -- I spent money I couldn't spare for a ceremony she hated and I didn't care about, simultaneously alienated much of both families, and had a ticked off wife for a few years. Heck, she still gets irritated to think about it.
The money's important, but you have to live with this woman. Not with your mother in law, not with your mother, not with your wife's sister, et c. If any day is to be her day, this is it. It ain't her mother's day, your mother's day, et c. -- though they may forget that little fact.
Sorry. I'm not meaning to preach, but I screwed up big time on my wedding. Do what makes you guys happy. To heck with anyone else. In five years, all that matters is if you're not divorced. Nobody will remember whether there were white chocolate dipped strawberries or a live DJ. Considering that the #1 cause of marital strife is money fights... why start out more in debt than you have to be? Make your wife happy.
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