Hardly slept- because they want me to be a manager

[Zeze]

I work in IT. I'm a PM- app development.

My work has been mentally exhausting- to a point I feel like I don't want to be a PM anymore. As you know, being a PM means you are the punching bag for others that you don't have control over & external factors that delay your project. Sponsor management, resource management, vendor management, all sucks donkey balls.

I don't think I'm good at what I do. It takes a certain person with certain energy to do this. As I'm getting older, I'm feeling this isn't for me, and the feeling is getting stronger.

I have been struggling & the quality of my work has been declining.

Yesterday my boss pulled me in and her boss was also in the room. I thought I was in trouble finally.

You wouldn't believe this, it's like a scene from a movie. Based on whatever snippet of misinformation they've been having. They think I'm doing a great job. I think they liked some presentations I've done for sponsors.

And since my boss is getting too much work, she wants me to 'rise up' and manage other PMs.

I was utterly dumbfounded. I can't stand my line of work, now she wants me to have direct reports?

This isn't her just dumping work on me- it looks like they're priming me up for growth. HR talked to me afterward too- looks like it'll involve a good raise as well.

I'm not an idiot, this is an incredible opportunity others would die for. I have a gut feeling I'd regret it for rest of my life if I let this ship sail.

But the fact remains that I find all this exhausting. This doesn't come natural to me. I DREAD waking up daily.

I think I should have some kind of an introspection session to get over it & take this head on.

I didn't want to misspeak, and wanted to have the ball in my court first. So I told the bosses that I'll take it on. And they'll see how I do on weekly basis.

It's Friday and I'm not even enjoying it. When did I become such a miserable insecure pussy?

TL;DR
1. Starting to hate my line of work as I grow older
2. Management thinks I'm doing a good job, wants me to be a manager
3. Don't want to manage, I dread it, yet I feel it'll be a huge mistake to let this go.

 

[purbeast0]

http://forums.anandtech.com/showpost.php?p=37639321&postcount=3

http://forums.anandtech.com/showpost.php?p=37639438&postcount=7

 

[Anubis]

sorry this is all I can think of reading your post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDDCeoVMwKQ

 

[clamum]

Can't say I envy you. I've been a software developer since getting my first "real" job outta college and I enjoy it a lot. I hope to never be a manager, but I think in order to move up I'll eventually have to take on some of those duties. Ideally, I want to be a Senior Software Engineer/Dev and perhaps manage some junior folks, but still have my hands into development and architecture. A pure management job I would hate, and probably not be the greatest at, cause I don't particularly care for working with just people.

Anyway, good luck to you sir.

 

[EOM]

Looks good on a resume when you're ready to jump ship. And it's a raise. And you'd probably learn something.... you KNOW you don't like your current job description. Step up and see what this is like. If you don't like it then you made a bit more $ and you were planning on leaving at some point anyway..

 

[SearchMaster]

Give it a shot. You may find you like it. And if you find you don't like it, find something else - the experience will be good for your resume'.

If you dislike the PM part of the job, you may find this is much more about management than PM, which may end up being something you enjoy. I know you make good money already, but use this as a chance to save as much money as you possibly can...believe me, that makes it so much easier to transition to something else later if you decide this is not the career path you enjoy. If you are somewhat living paycheck to paycheck (and that includes saving just a little but not a lot), it will be even more stressful later if you realize you are trapped in that job.

 

[brianmanahan]

3. Don't want to manage, I dread it, yet I feel it'll be a huge mistake to let this go.

i had leadership opportunities and also felt it would be a mistake to let them go.

so i took the positions and hated my life for 4 years.

last year i finally went back to an individual contributor job and am loving it in comparison.

but if we are talking 200$k or 250$k - shoot, i might be willing to hate my life a while for that much money.

 

[chitwood]

always remember this as well:

 

[K1052]

My husband is in a remarkably similar position right now. He got promoted to manager on the operations side and after seeing behind the curtain into the higher levels of his org has little desire to advance. Now the head manager for PM is gone and they want him to take on those responsibilities plus his current job with no additional comp. They are dangling instead an even larger promotion which he doesn't want but is torn by his ambition and the fact that he increasingly hates what he's doing now and their PM team is total hot mess they expect him to straighten out. They also denied his request to relocate for no reason other than the director he works under wants him physically there...even though most everyone he interacts with is remote.

He recently came to the conclusion that he's willing to accept less money for a job he likes more in a place he wants to live. His manager will be totally screwed when he leaves but they made their bed.

You only get one life so it's important to decide what you really want out of it.

 

[madoka]

I think I should have some kind of an introspection session to get over it & take this head on.

For this session, find some old school Asian immigrants and tell them that you're considering not taking the promotion/raise because it's not to your tastes.

After they rip you and your parents for raising such a soft pussy, you'll have a new perspective on what hard work and sacrificing for your family means.

 

[madoka]

Alternatively, go read up on Tridentboy's postings and ask yourself if you want to be that guy.

 

[Jeff7]

Things sure are easier when you don't go to bed thinking, "Goddammit, I'm probably going to wake up tomorrow. That sucks."

At one point in time, I wanted to be at work. Interesting projects, good pacing, quiet time to think about things.... OT wasn't bad because it didn't feel like work. I had more energy to get things done at home, and was generally in a better mindset.
In the years since then, the technical demands at work have increased, while technically-oriented staffing has decreased. It's not been good for me mentally.

I'd hate to think where things would go if I'd be offered management and didn't take it. Management is viewed (by managers, go figure) to be nearly the highest and most noble thing that a human being can possibly do, and declining to take it means that you lack any and all inherent value.
Money is good, but money won't buy back the lifespan loss caused by excessive stress, and its allure can decline as the years wear on.

Alternatively, go read up on Tridentboy's postings and ask yourself if you want to be that guy.

Although, the options aren't just Tridentboy or CEO of Apple.

Moderation in all things.

 

[wiseguyin]

i am in an almost similar situation, but for the fact that I really enjoy working with the people I work with (cross my fingers). I have taken the next step up, and I have already questioned my decision. But the adventurer within wants to plow on.

 

[IronWing]

Management sucks. Being a manager sucks even more.

 

[KIAman]

It's all about the value. How much is it worth your time to do a job you hate? If your employer can meet that threshold then you should go for it. This scale is subjective to you and you can't really listen to what other people will say what is worth it or not.

Person A might never take a job licking toilets for 8 hours a day, but Person B might if it paid $10k a month.

Really ask yourself if the amount they are giving is worth what you are going through and what you will additionally take on with your new position. If it's not enough, tell them and see if they can do something about it. You got it bad that even if you say no, you are still doing a job you hate so take that in consideration too.

 

[Fritzo]

I was in the same boat as you, and I can assure you that middle management positions absolutely suck. Everything is your fault, but you don't really have any power to make any changes.

 

[Jimzz]

Yea how much more money? If a lot then take job, save money, and retire early.
If not enough then say no. Come up with "Family needs me... its personal but I thank you for understanding..." type BS so that way they are ok with you saying no and not come after you.

 

[sdifox]

do it, then shirk your work to the underling PMs

 

[z1ggy]

Take it. It's a promotion. Then after hating your life for 6 months, you look for other upper management jobs at other companies that don't actually suck.

What other field could you go into though? By doing PM for a while, you aren't skilled in software to go actually be a developer, you probably don't do enough financial things to go into finance, etc.

Do you have any Six Sigma Certs? Jobs such as "process improvement" or "continuous improvement" or "project engineer" benefit greatly from having Lean & Six Sigma skills, and also utilize PM skills, but you aren't the group punching bag for all the problems, because you're actually there to solve them.

 

[Tweak155]

... I DREAD waking up daily.

I'd quit my job ASAP.

 

[Zodiark1593]

I hate getting up work day or weekend. Bring on the Management! The ideal masochist position.

 

[holden j caufield]

Avoid at all cost. I once had a position that paid 2x of what I made, it paid well and only required I be in there 4 times a month. I hated it so much that the day before our weekly meeting I'd be so negative about things, my breathing was elevated, I couldn't sleep the night before the meetings. Hated everything about it, my health declined.

I didn't even need the money which made my decision to take the role even stupider.

 

[DesiPower]

You couldn't sleep all all night thinking about it and yet it didn't dawn on you... That's troublesome...

On an more serious note, you cannot be the worker bee, the foot soldiers all you writing life, eventually you lose your edge and will be replaced. Getting into management position is the logical way to go as you grow older, you should consider yourself lucky. Surely it has its own changes, but it's totally worth it. Grab the opportunity, try it out I am pretty sure it will grow on you. Also, be careful, in upper management's eyes, it might be your only option.

 

[Platypus]

Money isn't everything. You sound miserable already and you hate what you're doing... why would you take on even more work when you are barely capable of maintaining sanity now?

The bigger question here is "what's next?" in my opinion. What do you actually *want* to do with your career? If you cannot answer that, I would hit the brakes and take a long introspective look at your next 5 years. Where do you want to be?

That said, if you don't have any other possible career choices at the moment, and you already hate what you're doing, you might as well get paid more for your misery.

Also, don't say things like 'insecure pussy,' about yourself or anyone else. You're better than that based on your other posts.

Personally I would run like hell, not from the promotion, but from the job in general. But that's not very good advice if you have nothing else to fall back on right now. That kind of work sounds literally punishing, I can't imagine ever doing that for a career personally.

 

[Phokus]

You're failing your way up and you're complaining? Take the damn position and just be glad you're given the opportunity!