Guys, I have a problem w/ my girlfriend and I don't know what to do...

[Cattlegod]

<< Right now though, I don't know if I feel the same way towards her anymore. To me, she seems less attractive. She's about 6' and about 140 lbs. Not really fat, but not really thin either. Another thing that bothers me is her breasts are small (A 34). (I know thats getting petty, but it does bother me).

I keep thinking that I want to not see her anymore and find myself another beautiful girl that doesn't have all the problems my current GF has.

I probably don't realize how lucky I really am to have met my girlfriend because she truely is a great person who is quite attractive, but I'm just not feeling like I wan't to be with her. >>



It sounds like you already made up your mind.

 

[veryape]

Unless you have an eight inch or bigger prick, you really have no place to be putting her down for her breasts, I mean it's not like it's something she can change without surgery, and you met her that way, so it's a bit late to start complaining about it. On that note, if you are going to leave her, do it now before she gets any more attached, but be very easy, because she is very fragile obviously. You were only someone she went with because she was very screwed up, and you took her virginity knowing that, so all in all, she'd likely be better off without you. I'm not putting you down, but you did know what you were getting into when you met her, and now it seems she is very reliant on you for support. Why would you wait until now is all I want to know. You should never have led her on like this only to leave her. Good Luck whatever you decide to do. It's likely more complex than I realize, so i'm trying not to pass too much judgement, so don't take my statements too seriously.

 

[yoda291]

First...talk with her about this...a nice calm discussion...no arguing. If she starts screaming, tell her to calm down, if she continues, pause the conversation and refuse to continue until you can discuss it reasonably. I always believe that you should go to the person you're having trouble with instead of holding it in. Cuz then things are just bad in the long run. Don't make her be something she's not just for the sake of holding onto you, but tell her that there's something you're not happy about and listen if she has something she's unhappy about.

Pretty much what I'm trying to say is you need to communicate with her. Not yelling or whatnot, but start talking and find out what's the problem. I mean, it's like what I do with computers...I don't start going ape all over it to fix it....rather, I take it apart little by little, going through what I've done and what it's been doin and figure out the problem so I can find a solution...or discover I need a new one(Actually NEED one tho, not this damn upgrade/build new hyper fast rig addiction I've got).

 

[Freejack2]

Above anything put the fixation about her body away. What's outside doesn't last, what's inside is what is going to matter years down the road.

What's most important is to look at how she is inside and what you are looking for in a relationship. Mind you if all you're interested in is the bar hopping giggilo scene, you'll most likely not want to have a serious relationship until you get into your 30's. I suspect that isn't what you are about though. If on the other hand you're looking for something a little serious, where you spend a lot of time with her and maybe even consider marriage sometime down the road, then you need to look at what she is like on the inside. You need to be sure what you are feeling isn't just fear and frustration. Even I, when I was dating my wife before we got married, went through the stage of wondering if this is the right woman for me. I got past it and while we do have our problems now and then, I'd say I'm married to a very, very, wonderful woman!

I would suggest to go to some counseling together. A decent counselor will work to get the two of you talking on a communicative level instead of misunderstanding each other. At the very least you'll know for sure if you are meant for each other or not. You may find after counseling that you two aren't meant for each other after all, but at least you'll both end the relationship with open hearts. On the other hand the two of you might realize you both had a "barrier" between the two of you, and knocking down that barrier could be the key to a happy relationship.

P.S. Remember, a counselor can only help the two of you if you both are willing to be helped.

 

[giguana]

<<- i had a girlfriend with similair, but not so servere problems (she was an abused child, parents split up, her parents worhsipped her borther and thought she was worthless, constantly failed at what she tried to do, and i also was her "saving grace." i eventaully had to break up with her becasue she was causing my life to be altered>>

I had almost an identical relationship when I was in High School. She was one of the most kind and loving people I ever had the opportunity to be around, but her insecurities drove me insane. She moved away while we were still together, and the long distance just totally killed it for us. I broke up with her almost 3 years ago, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and miss her. I loved her for who she was, regardless of her problems. I was just too immature to work at it. Every relationship has the days where you absolutely (think you) hate each other. But it's the times that you think you could marry this girl that you need to remember. Just give it time and it should all work out. If you feel like you can, stick with her and support her. But if you feel like you can't, don't string her along. Just tell her straight out how you feel, and try to work it out together.

Edit: We were together for 1yr and a half.

 

[Touque]

<< You were only someone she went with because she was very screwed up, and you took her virginity knowing that, so all in all, she'd likely be better off without you. >>



but



<< I'm not putting you down... >>



hmmm...

Anyway, I knew almost none of her real problems until after the first month and a half when we first had sex. The first month and a half was great and there were no problems. The first time we did it, we did it as a christmas gift to each other. Right when we first started dating she said she wanted to wait a while for sex and I totally agreed with her.

Only as time went on in the relationship (after christmas) did bits and pieces of information about her life come out.

Your comments are very judgemental, but then again, I obviously can't type out the whole relationship in detail in one thread so you do have to assume some things that aren't written.



<< Why would you wait until now is all I want to know. You should never have led her on like this only to leave her. >>



I haven't led her on at all. Am I not allowed to question myself about wether or not my girlfriend is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with?



<< Above anything put the fixation about her body away. What's outside doesn't last, what's inside is what is going to matter years down the road. >>



I keep telling myself that. I'm still very attracted to her and she does look great. I think I'm just worried, nervous and whatnot about my future with her. Just the other day she wanted to know if I would get her a ring (didn't have to be expensive) that she could wear to show herself and others that she is mine. I think I'm just worried about being in such a commitment right now.

 

[Ameesh]

wow you sound soo modest, how can she not do everything you say exactly how you want it.

 

[Touque]

<< But it's the times that you think you could marry this girl that you need to remember. >>



that just made me think of this one time a few days ago... heh I'm smiliing just thinking about her.

 

[tcsenter]

<< . She has lived with about 10 different families, her step-father just kicked her out of her house about 2 months ago (so now she's lived at her great-aunts house for a month and just now moved in with her biological father). About 6 months ago, her mother killed herself. She left a $100,000 life insurance policy to her >>

Insurance companies won't pay-out for suicide, at least none that I've ever heard of. But, on to your question...

Sh-t happens! I dated a girl I 'thought' was 'normal'. It turns out her father was a drunk, her mother is a classic co-dependent partner, she was molested a few times by her uncle...blah blah...I find the bad stuff out LONG after we get serious. I was young and dumb at the time, she was really the first girl I fell hard for, so I had little frame of reference nor did I have much real world knowledge about people and psychology, so I didn't realize there was SERIOUSLY something 'off-base' with this girl's worldview.

I can't give you advice, I can only say that, if I EVER found myself in a relationship with a girl like her again, a girl with her emotional and psychological baggage, I would run - not walk - RUN away as fast as I could. That sounds uncaring, but it's the honest to goodness truth.

I have no doubt this girl loved me, but it took me a while to figure out that I wanted no part of being loved according to her notions of what love is. Her notion of love was rather warped. She actually is a very typical daughter of an alcoholic father and a codependent mother, if you've ever dabbled in the dependency area of psychology and how it affects girls differently than boys. But, I suspect at 19, you haven't. I didn't understand it until I was about 24, and I couldn't be objective enough (love is blind) to understand it until a couple years after we broke up.

I have always loved her and I hope she finds help because I know she is suffering. But, I can't save her. I tried to by showing her what real love was supposed to be, but when that didn't work, I realized that she would just drag me down with her (and she already had to some extent). Only she can save herself. That's the cold and hard truth, but life ain't so frilly and soft sometimes.

 

[rgwalt]

You guys have been dating for only 5 months, and you are 20 years old or younger. My GF and I got together when we were 18 (first year of college). By that summer we were planning our wedding. By the next summer we had broken up twice, and two summers later we called it quits for good. What I'm trying to say is that what you guys are feeling isn't unusual. You both need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. You need to spend more time together before making a decision about a future together. Also, she needs to get her life sorted out. You cannot do that for her. The best thing you could do is get her in touch with a good support group. Go to it with her, but she needs help from other people besides you.

The whole thing about her being attractive to you will come and go. My ex and I (even during times when we were very much in love) would go through periods where we wouldn't find each other as attractive. It just happens like that. However, if it is something you can't get over, then that says something about your relationship.

In the end, this is your decision. However, what I would do is this... I would stay with this girl, but try to take a big breath and not get as serious as quickly as you have been. This may sound strange, but when I can't see to either side of myself during a problem, I take a few minutes to think about how inconsequential my life really is. In the grand scheme of things, my problems don't mean much at all, and I should be greatful to have the problems I do instead of being someone else who is much worse off. That usually clears up my view enough to look at the situation objectively.

Best of luck to you.

Ryan

 

[Gulzakar]

cant really help if your not attracted, but I will say this, love and beauty change a LOT when you get older, hang on to her, help her because in the end, she will remain yours regardless...thats the beauty, and I'm being quite sincere...beauty is only skin deep...this is a lesson I have learned the HARD way...trust me when I say this...you are quite young, but growing up isn't all that hard. Sometimes yo uhave to pause and reflect on how you really feel towads someone. Love can easily blind logic, regardless. Ask yourself this, if you weren't "with" each other, could this person be your friend? I had to ask myself that question this evening, if you asnwer no, bucker up and end it. If this is a person that could be a GREAT friend, your in a lot of luck because she's already yours

 

[tommigsr]

hey bro, i feel ya when it comes to this type of problem. I too have been in this type of situation where the girl has some emotional problems and you just have to realize that you have to face with her problems and learn to be sensitive toward her. There will always be something that will bother you, and you have to know that no one is perfect. Maybe you guys can take it slower, that wouuld help some.

 

[KingHam]

You tapped that ass and now you are ready to move on to thinner and more busty things. Seems pretty simple to me.

KingHam

 

[cressida]

Make up your mind dang it! My friend was going through similar thing ...
1. If you decide to leave her, of course it will be painful, but that's pain ppl will encounter in life.
2. If you stay with her, then better try not to get angry/sad/confused at the things does says or do. (which will probably be hard since it's a problem you are dealing with right now)

But it's basically about the both of you being happy. If one of you is not happy and don't see a brighter future .. then better say good bye.

 

[bizmark]

ooh tough situation.

One thing though to keep in mind with these long-term/thinking-of-marriage relationships: there is nobody who is 'perfect' for you. There is no 'soul mate'. There are literally thousands, maybe even millions, of women in the world whom you could marry and be happy with. Even the best marriages have their rough times. Finding a perfect person is impossible, but many people make it work and are, for the most part, very happy with non-perfect mates.

Does this mean that you marry the first girl you come across? No. But, when you find a girl that you get along with pretty well, and you go out for a half-year or so, and you really can't think of anything that you really dislike about her or that you see coming up as a problem in the future, well, you've gotta make a choice sometime man. You can't continue your search indefinitely. You've got to compromise. I personally like breasts very much, but if I found someone whom I couldn't fault in any other way, but her breasts were terrible, I'd still marry her. My chances of finding somebody like her in every way except with better breasts, are virtually zero.

So you've always got to weigh what you have now versus what else you could find out there, and what are your chances and how long it would take you to find it. Is 90% in the hand worth 92% in the bush? (no double entendre intended) At your age, maybe it's best to break up with her since you have time to find someone else. But also you have to consider that you're 20 and this is your first girlfriend. How long do you think it will be before you find another girlfriend?

So I suggest some serious thinking about what it is that you want in a wife, and whether this girl has any problems that disqualify her. If you come up with anything, then break up with her. If you can't come up with anything, you should stay with her, until you find something that you decide you can't spend the rest of your life with.

If you don't want a wife, then that's a serious thing that you should tell her. If you want a wife but just aren't ready to decide on that kind of thing right now, tell her this as well. Make this fear of commitment (maybe I'm overstating it a bit) your problem that you can share with her and that you can work on together, just as you work on her emotional problems together. Let her know that it makes you uncomfortable that she's always asking about a ring and stuff, and that you need some time before you can start to talk about that stuff. Tell her to be more accomodating to your needs, because even though you're relatively normal with respect to her, you still have your shortcomings.

Best of luck.
wbwither

 

[Rookie]

dude...run.

seriously...you have your WHOLE life ahead of you and you don't want it to be with her trust me.

been there and done that don't waste years like i did.

PM me if you want to talk more...

 

[SagaLore]

Okay, time to be completely honest:

Don't see her anymore.

Why? Not because your incomapssionate, not because your selfish and don't care about her, not because you're not willing do what it takes to treat her right - the reason is the opposite. Your compassionate, selfless, caring - so go find a girl that can appreciate it. I was with a girl for a year which made it seem like walking through a lake of molasses was easy. I eventually gave up, not because I could try harder, but because she wasn't trying at all. She lived a pretty messed up life too. And if I had not given up on this girl, I wouldn't have found my now wife a year later.

So move on. You have too many years to waste to settle for the first girl you feel "comfortable" with. You have think ahead - how is this going to impact on *your* kids? Do you want to be involved with this family dynamic the rest of your life?

 

[SagaLore]

<< sounds to me like another example of what growing up is all about...

140 for 6" tall doesn't sound too bad, and picking on her breast size is a bit odd if you are already together....

you care for her or you don't, simple as that >>



Oh, I missed that. I ready only the important stuff and skimmed the rest.

If you're bothered about her body, then what the heck are you thinking? If you haven't developed the relationship to a point where you'd be looking at her inner beauty, then back up and take a moment to figure out exactly why you feel obligated to this woman? Looks to me that you see her inside, outside, and all around as ugly - and your other head is doing the thinking.

 

[SagaLore]

<< I started going out with a girl a few years ago and thought she was normal. Then she told me (all in one sentence mind you), that she was deaf in one ear, was adopted, and her adoptive father left her adoptive mother cause he found out he was gay. I thought about breaking it off there cause I didn't want to have to deal with all of that, but it didn't bother her at all, and she was really cool about it. That turned out to be the best relationship I've had so far. We broke up later though, but still...

(btw, she had 34 B/C... I thought they were small cause my previous ex had 36 C/D, but now my preference is a perfect 34 B/C just like hers ) >>



My wife (before we were married) was 36 C, and now they're 38 DD - they won't stop growing :Q

 

[jjones]

dump her

 

[Fritzo]

Man...she has so much baggage she should have "Samsonite" labels on her sides. I hate to say this, but relationships like this almost never work. She needs to work out her personal problems before getting into a relationship with someone else.