A networker's guide to perfect ribs:
1: Remove the fan trays from a Cisco 6509
2: Lay ribs on a customized oven rack that fits in the fan tray slot.
2: Populate the 6509 with at least two gig blades
3: Attach SmartBits to at least 10 gig ports.
4: Start the SmartBits, unthrottled
5: Let the system run for ~4 hours, basting the ribs every 30 minutes.
- Ignore the sizzling sound you hear - That's BBQ sauce dripping onto the heatsinks. It provides the lovely BBQ'd silicon flavor we all love so much.
- For more tender ribs, reduce the SmartBits gig port count to 8 and run for ~6 hours.
- If you're in a hurry, up the port count to 16, throwing in some L3 tests and cook for ~3 hours, but you will sacrifice tenderness (MSFC's tend to cook more unevenly)
- For extra flavor, squirt some pork broth on to the ASICs every hour or so.
Other exciting network BBQ ideas:
Coffee Cup Chicken - Invert a chicken over a cup of Starbucks coffee (Venti!). Place behind a fully populated Sun 4800 and crank up GIMPS for a 4 hours. Rotate every hour, and pour some coffee into the disk subsystem for added flavor. For faster cooking, insert the Sun and the chicken in an airtight box for 2.5 hours, adding disk stress tests to the mix.
BBQ fish fillets - Marinade fish (snapper, halibut, etc.) in home-made BBQ sauce for ~1.5 hours Remove the heatsinks from a Intel XEON-based server. Gently place the filets onto individual heatsinks and let cook for ~3 minutes per side. For more flavorful fish, remove the system fans and re-cover the case while cooking the second side - This keeps that wonderful fried fish / BBQ sauce / thermal transfer grease smoke inside, allowing it to penetrate the fish, enhancing it's natural flavors.
For desert, the old stand-by: Chiller Pops! Always a favorite with the kids! Plug up the drain holes in your data center's air handler, pour in six packages of Rasperry jello mix and two of Lime Jello mix and wait ~2 hours. Remove the drain plugs and out comes the delicious mix. Ignore the other condensing water pouring out of the unit, it's extraneous. If you're in a hurry, you can aim a space heater at the theromstat to increase coolant flow. For extra fun, tap into the glycol loops and add some Cherry Jello - Sugar free works best. Use 1 box for ever 10' of piping. This is a perfect distributed treat - You can access your snack anywhere in the building near the coolant pipes. The taste is unique - Glycol and Cherry mix together to form a lovely sweet-and-sour mix that you'll never find anywhere else!
Flattened BBQ Chicken: Place a chicken breast on a floor tile in the main walking path of the data center. Remove a neighboring tile and place on top of the breast, inverted. Allow normal foot traffic to flatten it for ~6 hours. Place on top of the chiller's radiators for ~4 hours. Baste with BBQ sauce occasionally. For a faster cook time, flatten a variety of radiators and cook at the same time as your glycol-loop-based Chiller Pops, discussed above, which adds increased heat and cooks faster. Be sure to share with your facilities guy, although you might have to take it to the hospital - He probably stepped into the hole left by the missing tile and broke his ankle.
Bon appetit!
- G