Grasshopper we want a pic of this "thumper" you talk so much about

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Mustangrrl

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27...I never, ever talk about this stuff anywhere else, it is just an ATOT thing...

Nuh uh, no way, you were beating us over the head with this stuff at Giggly Grinch, too. I'm not trying to be mean, but you were, and that was months ago! And I tried to hint to ya, Grassy, but you didn't take it! Oh well, live and learn

Err, well, yea... But I consider Giggly Grinch to be an off shoot of ATOT. Notice that I stopped posting there.

Sigh...

I'm thick headed...

Grasshopper

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: schizoid
What did he say?

That he has a good sex life with his woman or something?

Is that a big deal?

No, it isn't, but I was too explicit... It was funny at first, in a "forbidden fruit sort of way", but I didn't stop and kept going long, way long after it stopped being funny...

Idiot Hopper

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
If I didn't think he was basically a nice dude I wouldn't even bother wasting my time advising him.

*big hug*

Shucks, thanks for caring...

I don't know, I think it was a combo of things actually...

I turned 27 today (yesterday now techincally), I proposed to her a week ago, the new year is opon us, and two forum members kicked my butt via PM tonight about this.

For some reason I think I caught a clue tonight and noticed that I was posting stuff that was way beyond reasonable levels. It might have been funny as a gag, once or twice months ago, but it obviouslly stopped being funny a long time ago.

Sigh...

The major drag is I probably can never introduce her to you guys now, that really bugs me...

Grasshopper

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Millennium
Don't turn this into some kind of drama dude. Really...

Originally posted by: Dr Smooth
IMO, there is no need for you to go away or change your name. Ignore them they will go away.

You're both missing the point. I won't be able to continue to post here after we move in together in April, and I cannot allow her to see all this (if I do stay she'll find it sooner or later). In truth, a change of nik probably won't help (she knows I'm Grasshopper and she's Thumper, it would be too obvious to her). After rereading some of the things I've posted, I would be embarressed to introduce her to you guys now.

I'll stick around until then, but I won't talk about this personal stuff with Thumper anymore.

Sigh...

Grasshopper

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
IMO, ATOT is about the dumbest place possible to discuss anything about a relationship - other than those concerning yourself, a bottle of Jergens and a wad of tissue. 'Cause that's about all that's covered here.

True enough... That was part of the humor of it...

Now that we're getting married, you're right that it is no longer such a smart idea (scarcasm).

Scarcasm will be right - as in "she'll be mentally scarred forever if she ever finds out about this" ... I know for a fact I'd be castrated with a dull spork if I talked about half the stuff you did.

LOL! True enough, I just spent the past hour rereading my old threads. I didn't realize how much I'd posted about her. No wonder you guys were all over me about this. I could never let her see this stuff, she'd get really, really upset over it...

Sigh... If I had it to do over again, I would have done this all very differently, I wouldn't have talked about our sex lives at all... That was stupid.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

True, but it is beyond fixing at this point.

Maybe I need a month's vay-k from here and return with a new nick. The question would then be, would anyone know it was me returning.

Why would they need to know if it's you returning? Dissappear. Deactivate your old account. Return in awhile with a new nick, a new attitude. Forget your old one. Check in and read the PMs that pile up from time to time. Don't discuss Thumper.

That wouldn't help. She and I are getting married, she'll use the computer too and sooner or later she'll find this place if I stay. She really does call me Grasshopper and I really do call her Thumper in real life. She'll figure it out in very short order. The only option I have in all honestly is to leave when she moves in. As long as the archive remains, I'll never be able to return. That really sucks, even more so because I did it to myself. If the forum's archive was life limited, I could wait until it went away then return, but it seems like they save every single post for all time. If the mods would delete all the Thumper threads and comments, I could probably stay, but I doubt they would do that for me.

Don't ask me why, but for some reason after talking to two forum members via PMs tonight, I suddenly have gotten the impression that I've been doing something wrong here. I'm starting to feel kinda stupid now... Grumble...

Starting to feel stupid? I think you've been smacked about by the various members often enough since you started the Thumper threads to know that "explicit sexual discussion = bad" ... matter of fact, Why don't you reread it?

I took the whole thing as a joke at the time, now I see you were actually trying to help.

Can't we just have the mods delete all the past threads with Thumper comments in them so I can pretend to start over?

Ah, young Grasshopper. Much foolishness you ask of the Mighty Ones.

Yea, but if they don't, I'll have to leave in about four months and stay gone for as long as the archives remain.

Sad Hopper

 

[Soybomb]

I just skimmed to the end but you're saying because you've posted some pg-13 details of your life to a message board as an anonymous person you're going to be shamed into leaving or something? So what if she sees you post here, wouldn't it be better to share any risque information with people who don't know who you are rather than your friends. Then again I'm an open person and have talked to my friends about tons of stuff that I couldn't post about so maybe its all in the perspective. I'd say post and don't worry about it though.

 

[Mill]

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27

Originally posted by: Millennium
Don't turn this into some kind of drama dude. Really...

Originally posted by: Dr Smooth
IMO, there is no need for you to go away or change your name. Ignore them they will go away.

You're both missing the point. I won't be able to continue to post here after we move in together in April, and I cannot allow her to see all this (if I do stay she'll find it sooner or later). In truth, a change of nik probably won't help (she knows I'm Grasshopper and she's Thumper, it would be too obvious to her). After rereading some of the things I've posted, I would be embarressed to introduce her to you guys now.

I'll stick around until then, but I won't talk about this personal stuff with Thumper anymore.

Sigh...

Grasshopper

So you are telling me that in the four months you have been here that you have such an emotional and personal attachment to Anandtech OT that it is actually affecting your real life?

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Soybomb
I just skimmed to the end but you're saying because you've posted some pg-13 details of your life to a message board as an anonymous person you're going to be shamed into leaving or something? So what if she sees you post here, wouldn't it be better to share any risque information with people who don't know who you are rather than your friends. Then again I'm an open person and have talked to my friends about tons of stuff that I couldn't post about so maybe its all in the perspective. I'd say post and don't worry about it though.

I've spent the past few hours reviewing things I've written about our sexual life on this forum. I had no idea I had posted quite that much detail.

I went way, way over the line and she'd be really hurt if she ever saw this. She is moving in with me in April, if I stay she'll find this sooner or later. When she does, well I don't wanna think about it. Changing niks or just not talking about it anymore doesn't help because the archive here is kept forever. If all messages expired after three or six months, then it wouldn't matter.

I've asked the powers that be to delete the history of my Thumper comments, I don't expect they will say yes to such a massive request, but it is worth a shot.

Grasshopper

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Millennium
So you are telling me that in the four months you have been here that you have such an emotional and personal attachment to Anandtech OT that it is actually affecting your real life?

No, the forum itself doesn't matter, there are plenty of places on-line to chat with people. I have however decided I like some of the people here and would be bummed to no longer be able to chat with them. I was also looking foward to meeting some of you in real life, but I think I ruined that possibility as well.

The only way this would affect my "real life" is if my fiancé found my posts. I went way, way over the line with some of the stuff I wrote and she'd be really hurt if she saw them.

I honestly think she'd forgive me, but our relationship would suffer for it and might never be quite the same. ATOT isn't even remotely worth risking hurting her like that. Granted, it is my fault for typing that stuff in the first place, I should have known better. But then again, when I started she was just a girlfriend.

Sigh...

Grasshopper

 

[Soybomb]

'eh suit yourself man but its nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about, especially given the anonymous factor. You know she has the same talks with her girl friends

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Soybomb
'eh suit yourself man but its nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about, especially given the anonymous factor. You know she has the same talks with her girl friends

I'm neither embarassed nor ashamed about anything she and I do. Talking about it so openly to such a wide audience was a mistake however, one she will not find amusing. I didn't realize the level of detail that I've posted over the past few months until tonight. It isn't my feelings I'm worried about, it is her feelings.

Grasshopper

 

[Mill]

Originally posted by: Soybomb
'eh suit yourself man but its nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about, especially given the anonymous factor. You know she has the same talks with her girl friends

That is pretty much my point as well. If you have a good relationship with her then don't hold this back. Tell her tommorrow what you did and show her the posts. I think honesty is the best solution here.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Millennium
That is pretty much my point as well. If you have a good relationship with her then don't hold this back. Tell her tommorrow what you did and show her the posts. I think honesty is the best solution here.

What?!?! Are you out of your mind???

Honesty is normally a great policy, but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor...

You're a guy so you may not understand. Ask the women here what they think. They are the ones who kicked my butt over this anyway...

Would she leave me? No, I honestly don't think she would. I don't think our relationship would ever be the same however...

Grasshopper

 

[Mill]

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27

Originally posted by: Millennium
That is pretty much my point as well. If you have a good relationship with her then don't hold this back. Tell her tommorrow what you did and show her the posts. I think honesty is the best solution here.

What?!?! Are you out of your mind???

Honesty is normally a great policy, but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor...

You're a guy so you may not understand. Ask the women here what they think. They are the ones who kicked my butt over this anyway...

Would she leave me? No, I honestly don't think she would. I don't think our relationship would ever be the same however...

Grasshopper

What the women think here has nothing to do with my opinion on this matter. I can't see myself doing something like this and not being able to tell my SO. I completely understand why you would want to be discrete but I also think you should man up and tell her. It will come out one day and the fact that you didn't tell her will be held over your head forever. I did something equally as stupid in a relationship and things worked out. It was something I did later that led to the ending of our relationship although we are still great friends.

Anyways why do you think she wouldn't be able to forgive you and allow the relationship to continue its current track?

 

[schizoid]

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27

Originally posted by: schizoid
What did he say?

That he has a good sex life with his woman or something?

Is that a big deal?

No, it isn't, but I was too explicit... It was funny at first, in a "forbidden fruit sort of way", but I didn't stop and kept going long, way long after it stopped being funny...

Idiot Hopper

So let me get this straight:

You said a punch of personal stuff, like your girl gives a mean hummer, and "thumps" you when she wants to do it (not to mention the fact that she shaves her vagina). Then, people ask to see a picture of her. You decline, saying it would be an invasion of her privacy. Is that it? Am I missing something?

Well, color me stupid, but why don't you just ask her? If you're seriously going to marry this chick, you'd better come clean with what you have said already...no point in keeping secrets with someone you intend on spending the rest of your life with, right? Secondly, you'll get a better idea of her boundries (and, honestly, if you don't know her boundries already, why the hell are you marrying her? And if you do know her boundries, and feel that you've stepped over them, why the hell is she marrying you? I dunno...maybe I'm just too logical about these things....)

It just seems simple, really. She's either cool with the details posted on the internet, or she's not. She's either cool with you posting a pic, or she's not. If I had to wager a guess, I'd say that she'd be cool with the latter, and not the former (I mean, we're talking about pics here! It's no different that posting your wedding pictures on a website. Who would find that offensive? My guess is that your apprehention comes from the fact that you probably feel you f-ed up and don't want to tie a "face" to the aforementioned hairless who-who-dilly.)

Whatever. You're getting some. Faboo for you.

In the mean time, if you wanna look at pics of some of my ex's (along with some friends of mine, both male and female) go here. I won't comment on any of them, other than to say that if Pauli looks like the supposedly "bitchy" girl from MTV's Sorority Life, it's because she is.

PS: Maybe everything I've said has been covered...I didn't bother reading all of the thread. But why don't you just talk to her, man. Maybe she's really open. Who knows? You haven't said anything that a normal person would be offended by, but who knows....

PPS: Whatever...I'm just procrastinating from writing my damn personal statement. The Ph.D program at Duke can kiss my ass....

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Millennium
What the women think here has nothing to do with my opinion on this matter. I can't see myself doing something like this and not being able to tell my SO. I completely understand why you would want to be discrete but I also think you should man up and tell her.

The question becomes, would I be telling her for her sake, or for mine? What is the good that would come out of it? (other than being honest)

I did something equally as stupid in a relationship and things worked out. It was something I did later that led to the ending of our relationship although we are still great friends.

Sounds like it is story time! Come on, make me feel better about my idiot self, tell me your story, that will make me feel normal.

Anyways why do you think she wouldn't be able to forgive you and allow the relationship to continue its current track?

Oh, I think she'd forgive me, this isn't the same as cheating on her (which I would never do in a million, billion years). Still, it is a breach of trust, she says and does things with me behind closed does that perhaps she expects will remain behind closed doors.

This isn't as bad as my posting a video of us having sex, but it is close...

Grasshopper

 

[Soybomb]

Ask the women here? Thats a poor sampling man there are so few! I know a few I've talked to are pretty liberal but there are a good deal who are more conservative too, seems to vary a bit with age perhaps even. Though some of the younger ones too would think you're being dirty if you even mention a penis. *shrug* Plenty of ladies post at some of the more liberal boards I frequent and have no problem with reading about, offering advice, or even expounding on their sex life in good detail. Its just sex, its healthy and there is nothing wrong with talking about it. Ultimately to hell with what everyone else thinks, its a matter of what you're comfortable with. From the posts I just imagined a bit more liberal stance.

(i'm really done this time, I swear)

 

[quirky]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: schizoid

So let me get this straight:

You said a punch of personal stuff, like your girl gives a mean hummer, and "thumps" you when she wants to do it (not to mention the fact that she shaves her vagina). Then, people ask to see a picture of her. You decline, saying it would be an invasion of her privacy. Is that it? Am I missing something?

No, that is about it...

That is really personal info... Some of the other sexual exploits I've posted go beyond public decorum as well...

Soybomb was kind enough to provide me links to other forums that make what I posted her seem tame. I've spent the past 20 minutes with my jaw on the floor at what some people post on other forums.

Almost makes me feel like a n00b when it comes to this sex stuff. Sheesh...

Well, color me stupid, but why don't you just ask her?

Honestly, I'm afraid to...

If you're seriously going to marry this chick, you'd better come clean with what you have said already...no point in keeping secrets with someone you intend on spending the rest of your life with, right? Secondly, you'll get a better idea of her boundries (and, honestly, if you don't know her boundries already, why the hell are you marrying her? And if you do know her boundries, and feel that you've stepped over them, why the hell is she marrying you? I dunno...maybe I'm just too logical about these things....)

I don't know to be honest with you... Do you all count as friends? Here's the problem, I have almost no life outside of her and her friends and the Internet and my flying. I don't have anyone else to shoot the breeze with other than her friends.

Part of why I've latched onto this forum in the past few months is it gave me a place to vent my thoughts and feelings without having her hear about it... If I had said this stuff to the guys while drinking beer at Hooters, I know she wouldn't have cared less (hell, she comes to Hooters with me, their hot wings are amazing!). This is different however...

It just seems simple, really. She's either cool with the details posted on the internet, or she's not. She's either cool with you posting a pic, or she's not.

I honestly don't know... She isn't into computers, she doesn't even own one. I have no idea if she would care or not, and to be honest, I'm afraid to ask.

If I had to wager a guess, I'd say that she'd be cool with the latter, and not the former (I mean, we're talking about pics here! It's no different that posting your wedding pictures on a website. Who would find that offensive? My guess is that your apprehention comes from the fact that you probably feel you f-ed up and don't want to tie a "face" to the aforementioned hairless who-who-dilly.)

LOL! Funny way to describe her. Yes, I feel I f-ed up and I don't wanna face the music...

Whatever. You're getting some. Faboo for you.

That was my original thought... So I'm getting some, big whoop! So are 50 million other people at this very minute, nothing special...

PS: But why don't you just talk to her, man. Maybe she's really open. Who knows? You haven't said anything that a normal person would be offended by, but who knows....

Because I've suddenly realized that I'm 27, getting married, and talking about our sex life on an Internet chat board. I feel kinda silly actually... I'm afraid to talk to her about this, I should have asked first.

Of course, asking first wouldn't have made much sense, we were just dating at the time I started, so things have changed since then.

Grr...

Maybe part of it is it is 4am and I'm not thinking clearly...



Grasshopper

 

"Maybe I need a month's vay-k from here and return with a new nick. The question would then be, would anyone know it was me returning."

Oh, don't even try to hide it. If you return, I'll single you out. My nature would have me probe into your history and find out that you're an old member and most likely Grasshopper with your distinct qualities. I couldn't tell who you were in particular in this case because I didn't frequent AT much months and years ago. But because Grasshopper26 (27) existed when I was there, I am likely to know it is you if you disguise yourself under a new nick. However, I am likely not to say anything publicly, unless you denied it explicitly or tried to act totally new.

Well, actually, maybe you can go under a disguise, since I'm likely to be extremely busy next year and hardly ever frequent AT.

"Don't ask me why, but for some reason after talking to two forum members via PMs tonight, I suddenly have gotten the impression that I've been doing something wrong here. I'm starting to feel kinda stupid now..."

Come on, Grasshopper! No need for drama. I understand the feeling you're having, but it's only temporary. It isn't the gravest mistake in your life. You'll get over it. What matters is that you change your ways and stop doing this thing.

"I've asked the powers that be to delete the history of my Thumper comments, I don't expect they will say yes to such a massive request, but it is worth a shot."

I think that it would be inappropriate for the moderators to do that. Part of growing is bearing consequences for our mistakes. We cannot erase mistakes. If we could, then it would be dubbed something other than a mistake. And there would be nothing to learn from our mistakes.

If you did get your wish for the threads to be deleted (which I hope not), then you would not be learning from your mistake and would be in denial. That would make a second and worse mistake than even posting the intimate details of your relationship. Let it stand. The way to deal with it is to apologise to the lady it involved and stop actually posting anymore intimate details.

Don't feel so unworthy. The feeling is only temporary. And it wouldn't mean anything if you continue to share those details or decide to delete everything or disguise yourself. That is ultimate denial. . . . Learn from your mistakes and learn to improve your ways.

 

[dman]

Originally posted by: luvly

"Don't ask me why, but for some reason after talking to two forum members via PMs tonight, I suddenly have gotten the impression that I've been doing something wrong here. I'm starting to feel kinda stupid now..."

Come on, Grasshopper! No need for drama. I understand the feeling you're having, but it's only temporary. It isn't the gravest mistake in your life. You'll get over it. What matters is that you change your ways and stop doing this thing.

I agree, not that big a mistake... and I'd have some sympathy, but, It's not like this is a surprise... tons of folks haven't been telling him it's too much information or bad / inappropriate since he started doing it. Live and learn.

"I've asked the powers that be to delete the history of my Thumper comments, I don't expect they will say yes to such a massive request, but it is worth a shot."

I think that it would be inappropriate for the moderators to do that. Part of growing is bearing consequences for our mistakes. We cannot erase mistakes. If we could, then it would be dubbed something other than a mistake. And there would be nothing to learn from our mistakes.

Even if he or they were to go back and delete his posts, (and I'd highly doubt they'd do) there'd still be those that quoted him. And they certainly aren't going to delete all threads just because he posted in them. Well, I'd be surprised if they did.

I'd say give up ATOT. Actually, I should take that advice.

 

[Platypus]

who is this 'we' you speak of

 

[Storm]

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27
And they will remain safetly anon, I wouldn't want them bombarded by a thousand PMs thanking them for kicking some sense into my stupid brain.

Grasshopper

Whether or not they were to be indentified is not my concern. I only wanted to give them credit for talking some sense into you.


Oh, don't even try to hide it. If you return, I'll single you out. My nature would have me probe into your history and find out that you're an old member and most likely Grasshopper with your distinct qualities. I couldn't tell who you were in particular in this case because I didn't frequent AT much months and years ago. But because Grasshopper26 (27) existed when I was there, I am likely to know it is you if you disguise yourself under a new nick. However, I am likely not to say anything publicly, unless you denied it explicitly or tried to act totally new.

Wow, luvly I wouldnt think it would be in your nature to be so curious whether or not an ATOT member has returned under a new nick...

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: luvly
I do agree that his request should be respected.

On the other hand, one who makes that request (i.e., that one'sprivacy be respected and one shouldn't be expected to share one's pic) usually doesn't expose much intimate details about onself publicly. So from the perspective of sharing something intimate and wanting people to relate with one, it is advisable to share something like a picture publicly. Not sharing it makes it harder for those who distance themselves to relate. Not sharing it makes it easier for one to remain a sceptic. And lastly, even people who appreciate the shared stories would enjoy it a lot more if it contained pictures to relate with and visualise. So from that standpoint, it is only courteous to share the picture if one wants the public to relate to what one shares.

However, he isn't obliged to share it. The sceptics who have every reason to be doubtful have a right too to remain sceptical and distance themselves from the stories if they choose to.

Normally, I don't agree with you, but this was a really good post.

 

"Wow, luvly I wouldnt think it would be in your nature to be so curious whether or not an ATOT member has returned under a new nick..."

LOL, Storm. I know . . . it doesn't sound like something I would do, does it? I don't use the information for anything really. It's just my passion for mysteries and solving puzzles. . . . There's satisfaction in closing a matter and finding answers to questions. Why do you think my personal goal is to work for law enforcement?

Grasshopper26 or anyone else wouldn't have to worry, so long as no one causes harm to anyone or scams someone. I keep it quiet really.

Edit: Zakath15, you don't normally agree with me? I'm shocked! I thought our views were often similar. It must be those girl threads. I'm teasing you. Nothing wrong with disagreeing.