Grandmother passed away, how to fairly split up her stuff?

[Triumph]

I'm sure many people have gone through something similar. Grandmother passed away, 4 of her 6 kids preceded her (including my mother), that leaves my two aunts and about a dozen grandkids all of adult age to split up her worldly possessions and sell the house.

We're all saying that we don't want to fight over these material things, but at the same time some of us are getting frustrated. Already a few key items have disappeared from the house - antique radio and television, rocking chair, cuckoo clock, etc. There is a beautiful hardwood dining room set - both myself and my cousin would like it. My cousin's mother is basically the one in control, so he appears to be getting it. How does one handle this without it becoming a point of contention within the family? I don't want throw a hissy fit, but at the same time everything should be distributed fairly. The best I can see is to flip a coin.

 

[Conky]

It's unfortunate but this is what happens when someone dies. There is a huge rush to get whatever one can either by simply grabbing it or laying legal claim to it.

I advise all old people I know with any kind of assets at all to get wills. It doesn't entirely stop the vulture process but definitely controls it.

 

[Triumph]

yeah, we definitely do not want to become vultures, i'd like to think that my family has a little more class than that. i still haven't seen her will, but i think it only covers her home proper and whatever investments she had. so what to do now? this sounds like a job for Ann Landers!

 

[wfbberzerker]

grab and run. they're family, you can talk it out later.

 

[pavester]

amen my fathers father passed away and we had to get legal help,...his sister had been stealing his checks and buying stuff with them, they took his house/cars/property. They even tried to get a lawyer to get into his saftey deposit box.

Just dont let that happen to you, fighting over materialistic things will happen and the best thing to do is either flip a coin or let someone decide.

 

[Lizardman]

there is no fair way really. Just so you each get something to remeber her by is all that matters. You cant control your greedy relatives.

 

[Baked]

Go over to her house now and grab everything you need before the relatives. Oh wait, looks like you're too late.

 

[everman]

It's up to the appointed executor/executrix of the estate. You really want to avoid this with a good estate plan, but it sounds like she didn't really have one beyond a will, if even that?
Families need to get together before someone dies and sort things out, not easy, but it's the best way to avoid trouble in the future.

 

[middlehead]

Not trying to threadcrap, but I really don't think there's a way. Someone will also be annoyed at minimum.

 

[mugs]

Damn... I learned this in college but I forget it... there's a method where you each apply a dollar value to each item depending on how much YOU value the item, and in the end it works out so that you each end up with an equal amount of stuff (by your own valuation of the items)

I wish I still had that textbook.

I think maybe you take turns taking the most "valuable" item on your list?

 

[datalink7]

My Great Aunt just died. Here is how I looked at it.

I was just fine without any of her stuff while she was alive. Therefore, I am just fine without any of her stuff while she is dead. It would be a poor tribute to her to fight AT ALL over anything. Therefore, I listed a few things that I said I would like (mostly some books) and said "but I don't really need anything." If I didn't get anything, I wasn't going to sweat it at all or be upset.

As it turned out, she left me $4000 in her will and the family sent me some of her books. So that was all a bonus to me. Just start out expecting nothing.

 

[Payton]

Document everything, then draw straws for picking order then run a "draft" for the items like you do for fantasy sports

 

[habib89]

when my grandfather died, everything went to my grandmother, but his personal items, like his hat and his vest, we just sorta took turns and got whatever we wanted.. no one fought over anything.. it's a shame that people fight over loved ones things.. i guess it's just a fact of life though

 

[theeedude]

How much is that stuff worth? Unless it's major money, just focus on items with sentimental value to you, IMO.

 

[HomeAppraiser]

Hire an appraiser for the house! Sell it and split equal shares.

 

[HomeAppraiser]

Originally posted by: Triumph
Grandmother passed away, 4 of her 6 kids preceded her

Wow, how old was she?

I thought longevity was hereditary, like in the genes. Maybe it skips a generation.

My Great Aunt will be 98 this September!

 

[McGyver]

by forging a will.

 

[ElFenix]

per capita with representation

 

[ubercaffeinated]

do anything to keep lawyers out. my great grandfather held a large landholding, and when he died my grandfather and his brother went through a legal strangle-hold on the inheritance. they pretty much lost it all through attrition. they both held the mentality that if one couldn't have it, the other wouldn't either, and in the end everyone lost except the lawyers and the government.

maybe you can get a mediator to fairly go through the belonging and distribute the wealth.

 

[Triumph]

Originally posted by: HomeAppraiser

Originally posted by: Triumph
Grandmother passed away, 4 of her 6 kids preceded her

Wow, how old was she?

I thought longevity was hereditary, like in the genes. Maybe it skips a generation.

My Great Aunt will be 98 this September!

93. her children died younger than they should have.

 

[sao123]

Generally a will says who gets what... and thats legally binding.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: sao123
Generally a will says who gets what... and thats legally binding.

But a will doesn't go as indepth as I assume the OP is talking about. Not many people write into their wills who gets their spatula or their library of Nancy Drew books.

 

[RKS]

Originally posted by: ElFenix
per capita with representation

LOL

first you got to Google the term
then you see if your state follows those rules for division
then you got to get everything appraised
then you have sell everything
and at the end nobody has the physical items and everyone is pissed

I think you should have a designated date/time where everyone runs in and grabs what they want; sorta like looting.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: sao123
Generally a will says who gets what... and thats legally binding.

But a will doesn't go as indepth as I assume the OP is talking about. Not many people write into their wills who gets their spatula or their library of Nancy Drew books.

Any good will should include what's known as a residual clause, basically saying that "anything I forgot to mention, or forgot I owned goes to Person X".

Even if your grandmother died without a will (intestate), there should be laws in your state determining who gets what by default.

 

[Golgatha]

This is why you always appoint an executor or executors for your will. That at least gives someone some legal standing to get back the hope diamond grandma wore if it gets looted.