Going to step-sons 8th grade "graduation". Help me.

[Sho'Nuff]

I just went to my sons pre k graduation. It was cute. Y'all need to lighten up and enjoy the simple things in life.

 

[etrigan420]

That. A grammar school graduation isn't really that out of the ordinary. It's not like the kid accomplished anything special, but parents enjoy marking milestones in their kids lives. It's important to his mother to make a big deal out of it, so it should be important to you too. If it's not either your relationship sucks or you're just a giant asshole.

Nailed it.

 

[LegendKiller]

I just went to my sons pre k graduation. It was cute. Y'all need to lighten up and enjoy the simple things in life.

Yes, it is a simple thing in life. One not worthy of a big to-do.

 

[irishScott]

Nailed it.

So his wife isn't obligated to return the sentiment? Why shouldn't they not do something big because it's important to him that they don't?

I grew up in a sheltered house, got rewarded for doing nothing or half-ass jobs all the time. It took me years once in college to teach myself the discipline to actually do well, and it sucked, delayed my graduation, hindered my social development, lots of stuff. Now granted one stupid 8th grade graduation party isn't going to change anything in the grand scheme, but every little bit helps.

 

[Miramonti]

For some, it's the only graduation they may see...

 

[Kadarin]

Minor scholastic achievements are not worthy of celebration. The problem is that it has somehow become important to parents (I think mothers, usually) to make a big deal out of them.

 

[irishScott]

Minor scholastic achievements are not worthy of celebration. The problem is that it has somehow become important to parents (I think mothers, usually) to make a big deal out of them.

Yeah, I imagine it's the same people who have the "my kid's an honor student" bumper stickers. Everyone's so desperate to show off their astronaut kid that they start glorifying perfectly average stuff.

 

[Madwand1]

Even graduating college is not that big of a deal if you look at it that way. But it is a passage, and a celebration to mark the transition is nothing unusual. For the kids, ending a school year is good enough reason for celebration, and when it's a transition year, it's also saying goodbye to a school, to memories built there, to teachers, and some friends who won't be with them the next years.

 

[Printer Bandit]

how retarded must one be for not graduating the 8th grade? no offense to actually retarded kids.

 

[LegendKiller]

Even graduating college is not that big of a deal if you look at it that way. But it is a passage, and a celebration to mark the transition is nothing unusual. For the kids, ending a school year is good enough reason for celebration, and when it's a transition year, it's also saying goodbye to a school, to memories built there, to teachers, and some friends who won't be with them the next years.

Well shit, we should have a party when we change our underwear then. That's transitioning from a dirty pair to a clean pair.

 

[irishScott]

Even graduating college is not that big of a deal if you look at it that way. But it is a passage, and a celebration to mark the transition is nothing unusual. For the kids, ending a school year is good enough reason for celebration, and when it's a transition year, it's also saying goodbye to a school, to memories built there, to teachers, and some friends who won't be with them the next years.

It's not the celebration that's being questioned, it's the nature of it. There's a big difference between an end-of-year party and a "graduation ceremony".

 

[etrigan420]

So his wife isn't obligated to return the sentiment? Why shouldn't they not do something big because it's important to him that they don't?

I grew up in a sheltered house, got rewarded for doing nothing or half-ass jobs all the time. It took me years once in college to teach myself the discipline to actually do well, and it sucked, delayed my graduation, hindered my social development, lots of stuff. Now granted one stupid 8th grade graduation party isn't going to change anything in the grand scheme, but every little bit helps.

I was showered with accolades my entire life, and I've won a Nobel Prize in Chemistry and been twice elected the president of Swaziland...so there goes your anecdotes...

Let me guess, not married?

 

[JulesMaximus]

That. A grammar school graduation isn't really that out of the ordinary. It's not like the kid accomplished anything special, but parents enjoy marking milestones in their kids lives. It's important to his mother to make a big deal out of it, so it should be important to you too. If it's not either your relationship sucks or you're just a giant asshole.

Pretty much that and this. Would I have a huge party like the OP's wife did? No.

But the OP needs to lighten up. He's your wife's kid for fuck sake.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

I didn't bother attending my undergrad ceremonies. Admittedly I went to a state school of little note, but even there it kind of disgusted me seeing all these people around me that took so long to complete such an easy program, and actually proud of their ~3.0 (or God forbid lower) GPAs. Pride in and rewards for mediocrity are why I look forward to Asia completely destroying us academically and economically. Contemporary white Western culture is hedonistic and depraved.

 

[quikah]

/shrug, I had an 8th grade graduation ceremony in 1988, doesn't seem all that odd.

 

[phucheneh]

When I was an 8th grader back in 2001 we had a "party" and it was a little bigger than previous end of year parties because everyone was going to different high schools and such, but nowhere was the term "graduation" mentioned, and there certainly weren't individual cakes.

I'm WTF about this as well. My future kids can have a long night out with friends at an arcade or movie or restaurant or something. There will be no serious use of the term "graduation" until they finish high school. It's like the equally repugnant "super sweet 16" has moved down a few years.

You had a party every year and you're 'WTF' about this?

I never had an 'end of year party' throughout school. Never. I didn't even know a 'graduation [from high school
] party' was a thing, TBQH. Seems retarded as shit to me.

 

[Attic]

To OP, tell the kid your thoughts on this.

Not helping him be aware of the BS he is walking into and surrounded by at one of these things is cruel.

 

[irishScott]

I was showered with accolades my entire life, and I've won a Nobel Prize in Chemistry and been twice elected the president of Swaziland...so there goes your anecdotes...

Let me guess, not married?

There goes nothing, spoiled kids are spoiled. It's the parent effectively disabling their kid's development so they can pat themselves on the back in the short term. There's nothing wrong with an earned reward or occasional indulgence, but plenty take it too far and the kids suffer more than the parents for it.

And no not married, but the GF and I have been together 4 years, friends for a year before that. It's to the point where we've talked quite extensively about how we would raise our future kids, and we're both on the same page here. In any case I would never concede something as important as our child's upbringing simply to make her happy, and I wouldn't expect her to concede either if I proposed something she thought might damage our child. Such impasses are where communication, listening, compromise and all the other Sesame Street skills come in. Not just a cheesy theory, that's how we've handled the various speed bumps to date.

We were both spoiled as kids and had to boot-strap ourselves into adulthood. It's one major thing we have in common, and we both agree it set us back several years and otherwise sucked. That's not to say the opposite extreme is any better, but too many parents seem more interested in "taking care of" their children (like a very smart pet) than "raising" them. Case in point, the OP's comment that a 14 year old boy can't make a sandwich (granted I'm sure he has the raw capability, he's just been taught that mommy will always do it for him. First time he has to buy his own groceries will be a shock.).

 

[irishScott]

You had a party every year and you're 'WTF' about this?

I never had an 'end of year party' throughout school. Never. I didn't even know a 'graduation [from high school
] party' was a thing, TBQH. Seems retarded as shit to me.

Not as a family, and certainly no banners or cakes or anything. It was just kind of an unofficial tradition at elementary/middle school to take the last couple days of the school year after all work was effectively done and hang out watching movies in the classrooms with extended recesses/breaks. Some years the moms would get together and get some food from McDonalds or Chick-fil-A or some pizza joint.

My high school did have a senior year celebration that was an official event, with moon bounces set up in the gym, arcades brought in, a magic show, etc. For High school graduation my extended family came up for the ceremony and we all went out to McCormick and Schmicks.

Still nothing compared to an 8th grade "graduation party".

 

[Howard]

Divorce is the only answer.

 

[nickbits]

It's as relevant as high school graduation, or moreso since it represents 8 years versus 4. Personally I hate all graduation ceremonies. I can't believe how much of a big deal they make over high school graduation here in the US. Congratulations you've completed the minimum level of education needed to get a job.

 

[halik]

how retarded must one be for not graduating the 8th grade? no offense to actually retarded kids.

About this. Congrats on doing something you should be .

 

[slag]

My daughter finished 7th grade this year, and I just heard about these 8th grade graduation parties within the past few weeks. I was shocked to hear it is even a "thing". When did this happen?? I do not agree with it at all and told my wife it wasn't happening. She thinks we are "supposed" to do it, since everyone else does it, which pisses me off even more. We'll see what happens in a year...I could change my mind, I guess.

Yep, I think it is dumb as hell also.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Regardless of what background issues may or may not be happening, I have to agree with the OP. Kindergarten and Junior High "graduation" ceremonies are stupid. I don't know what possessed people to start such idiotic "traditions."

 

[rh71]

You don't want to participate because you don't have a sense of pride. Because it's not your kid. Feelings change when you have your own. But it still sounds outlandish.

These school ceremonies are more for the kids although parents get way too involved. When my kid shows me his artwork, I commend him not for me but for him.