The exterior of this famous steakhouse looks like a factory. Inside, however, some say it looks like a brothel, containing eight ornate dining rooms with themes such as Rhône, Burgundy, and Irish Rebellion. However you perceive the decor, this is a carnivore's paradise, and I actually drove from Miami and back just for dinner. At Bern's, you order and pay for grilled steaks of perfectly aged beef according to the thickness and weight (the 60-oz., 3-in.-thick porterhouse can feed four adults). The phone book-size wine list -- one of the restaurant's most famous attributes -- has more than 7,000 selections, many available by the glass. Ask your server for a sampling before you purchase a bottle. Upstairs, the restaurant's other most famous attribute -- the dessert quarters -- has 50 romantic booths paneled in aged California redwood; each can privately seat from 2 to 12 guests. All of these little chambers are equipped with phones for placing your order and closed-circuit TVs for watching and listening to a resident pianist. The dessert menu has almost 100 selections, plus some 1,400 after-dinner drinks. It's possible to reserve a booth for dessert only, but preference is given to those who dine.
The big secret here is that steak sandwiches are available at the bar but are not mentioned on the menu. Smaller versions of the chargrilled steaks served in the dining rooms, they come with a choice of french fries or crispy onion rings. Add a salad, and you have a terrific meal for about half the price of the least-expensive main course.